Site hosted by Build your free website today!

January 16, 2000

"I don't want to understand this horror
There's a weight in your eyes that I can't admit
Everybody ends up here in bottles
But the name tags the last thing you wanted..."

So, last night another fight with my Mom. I said that I didn't feel like eating dinner and she yelled at me, "You're going to keep this up until it kills you aren't you?" She has a way with words, doesn't she? I denied anything was going on. I'd rather not eat at all than eat and puke again like the other night.

This morning I had a cocktail of Diet Dr. Pepper, diet pills, anti-depressants, and painkillers. Feeling dazed, but it's better than how I felt when I woke up. I looked out the window and the glare of the sun on the snow hurt my eyes. My body was sore and I wondered exactly what it was I did last night to feel this way?

My skin is so dry that it cracks and bleeds. Is this normal? I can't tell anyone else how I feel, but they look at me knowingly. Or is that just the paranoia? My heart races and I feel like it might explode. I'm sorry this journal is so depressing lately - well always.....


Back to Meg's Journal index