Last night I had my first binge. I ate one of those Celeste pizzas for one. Then I threw up and took three laxatives. Let me tell you, was I feeling ill the next day. I’m sure the whole in my stomach is getting larger. That ulcer will never go away and my doctor fears it’ll start to bleed.

So, anyway, my therapist & psychiatrist want to meet with my mom and me next Friday to discuss my “future treatment plans”. I’m guessing they’ll try to send me away. Now my therapist says that an inpatient eating disorder unit would be what I need. No way! They force you to eat 3 times a day at places like that. And if you don’t eat them you get no privileges. They even watch you after you eat to make sure you don’t throw up! I couldn’t stand a place like that. I’d rather die. In a place like that you’re like a baby – can’t do anything for yourself, they won’t let you. I’m going to do my best to keep out of a hospital. If next Friday I am forced then I will have Colleen let you know via my journal or the discussion board.

I’d like people to respond to my journal on the discussion board. I’d like to know what people think. Feedback, feelings it brings up, images, etc.? Thanks, I’d appreciate it.

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