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Feb 16, 1999

My psychiatrist asked if I'd like to be admitted to an Eating Disorders Inpatient program. A month stay. Of course I said "No way!" I throw up after I eat most days. Spaghetti is the worst - feels like I'm choking as it leaves my body. Doc says that I'm getting too thin. This only fuels me more. I'm still functioning. Sure, I'm dizzy most days but I can handle it. I've been taking a medication called Celexa for about a month and a half. It's supposed to help the depression and the urges to vomit. I don't see any relief from it. I take my Xanax at night to force my body to sleep. I start to feel paranoid. I'm afraid the doctor will force me into the hospital. After all, he's done it before.

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