I had the strangest dream last night: My friend Michelle and I were arguing over how many calories were in a can of green beans. We were actually hitting each other. I had blood coming out of the side of my mouth. Then she ran out all mad, so I threw the can of green beans at the door.

Scary. She also suffers from an eating disorder. This is getting so out of control for me. I can see it, but I can’t stop it. I’ve lowered my daily caloric intake to under 500. I lost another 10 pounds! I was so excited. Everyone keeps yelling at me to stop losing weight. I just want to lose another 10 or 15 lbs. They say I’ll be a skeleton then. But what do they know?

I broke up with my boyfriend. I started to cringe every time he touched me. I was convinced that he was making fun of my body. No one believes that’s true. Plus he was suffocating me. I just want to have fun and not be serious with anyone. He’s pretty upset and still calls me every night, but I just can’t pretend to want him anymore.

My doctor decided to put me on Depakote. Does anyone have experiences with this med? I’m a little nervous, but it might helps my ridiculous highs and lows. I start taking it tomorrow. I’ll let you know if it helps at all. I just want to get high to escape from reality. I haven’t drank in a while, but I have these cravings. I’m just afraid that I’ll do something stupid again when I’m wasted. I can’t even imagine how out of control I’ll be on New Year’s Eve. We’re supposed to do the Times Square thing, after getting wasted of course.

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated...