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August 17, 1999

Diet pills, vomiting, diuretics. The abuse I put my body through never ceases to amaze me. My throat is raw, my stomach burns, so why do I keep sticking my finger down my throat to force the food up? Itís an obsession, a means of control. People insist that I eat, so I do. The anxiety starts to build as I think of the calories. I sneak away to the bathroom after meals to get rid of it. The anxiety is gone, with the food. I worry that Iím taking too many pills though. Dangerous combinations? Celexa, Pamelor, Dexatrim, Ativan. Is it okay to take them all together? Maybe I should ask someone? That would lead to suspicion though. Am I really in control? I donít think so.


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