Kenny Translator

Season One

Theme Song


I like girls with big vaginas, I'm also a fan of big fat titties.

Cartman Gets An Anal Probe


Stan: What's a dildo Kenny?
Kenny: It's a plastic vibrating dick that fits inside a vagina.
Cartman: Huh, yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is all right!

Kyle: Oh my god! Visitors!
Kenny: Oh no!
(Kenny closes hood)
Kyle: Ike! Ms. Crabtree, you have to stop this bus!

Stan: Holy crap! It says she wants to meet me at Stark's pond after school.
Kyle: Whoa! Maybe you can kiss her.
Cartman: Or slip her the tongue.
Kenny: Yeah, or maybe you can pet her pussy.
Stan: What? How do you know she has a cat?

Stan: Oh my god! They've killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards! Come back here! Come back! Damn it, we were so close.
Stan: Hey look, I think Kenny's okay.
(Kenny gets up)
Kenny: No, guys, I'm alright... Ahhhhhhh!!!
(Cows trample Kenny)
Stan: Owww.
(Kenny gets up)
Kenny: Nope, I'm fine. Ahhhhh!!
(Barbrady runs over Kenny and the boys walk over to him)
Stan: Wow, poor Kenny.
Kyle: Now do you believe us Cartman?
Cartman: No!
Kyle: Cartman, they killed Kenny!



Kyle: Don't get scared up in the mountains Cartman.
Cartman: Shut up, I'm not scared of nothing.
Stan: Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too, Cartman.
Kenny: Maybe she can suck my dick!
Uncle Jimbo: Oh, ho, that's disgusting.
Cartman: You piece of crap, I'll kill you!

Stan: Cartman, you suck at telling scary stories!
Kyle: Yeah, gimme that flashlight.
Kenny: What's that?
Kyle: What is that?

Uncle Jimbo: Well, I think that's about the limit for our fishing permit.
Ned: Oh man it smells like dead fish here.
Kenny: Yeah, almost like a vagina.
Ned: Oh man, that is nasty.
Uncle Jimbo: Heh, I don't think I've ever seen a kid as cool as you Kenny. I'm making you my honorary nephew.
Kenny: Cool.

(Lavaball lands on Kenny)
Kyle: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kenny: Nope, I'm okay.
(Kenny's arm lights on fire and then the lavaball rolls onto Kenny)
Kenny: Ahhh! Ah! Ahhh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahhhhhhh!

Kyle: Hey look, Kenny's okay!
Kenny: Hey guys, what's going on?
Newscaster: And now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate their jovial victory over nature...

Ned: Only now in this late hour do I see the folly of guns. I'll never use a gun again.
(Ned drops his gun. It goes off and shoots Kenny, killing him)
Kenny: Heyyyyyyy!
(Rats chase Kenny's flying corpse)

Weight Gain 4000


Chef: Yeh, yeh. Oh whatever. But the mayor just called and asked me to sing at the ceremony.
Kyle: Wow, are you gonna do it?
Chef: Of course! Kathie Lee is a beautiful sultry queen of sexual fantasy. And if I sing to her, maybe I can lure her into a night of exotic delectation.
Stan: Yeh, that'd be cool.
Kenny: Is your penis really big?
Chef: Well, three times bigger than Frank Gifford's anyway. Heh-heh.

Cartman: Shut up, I have a nice body and I want to show it off, you got that?
Stan: What? You've got to weigh 90 pounds!
Cartman: I'm up to 94, thank you very much.
Kenny: Hey, you guys, check out the size of his boobs!
Kyle: Yeh, they're almost as big as his mom's.

(Mr. Garrison shoots Kenny)
Kenny: Oh nooooo!
(Kenny goes flying onto a flagpole, is impaled upon it, and goes sliding down, leaving a bloody trail)
Kyle: (gasp) Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard!

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride


Cartman: Heh, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.
Stan: Sparky, bad dog!
Kenny: Oh my god! I think they're screwing!
Stan: What?!?
Cartman: Yeah dude, I think your dog is gay.
Stan: What do you mean?
Cartman: That dog is a gay homosexual.
Stan: He's just confused.
Kyle: I think the other dog's the one that's confused.
Kenny: Yeah, your dog's fucking gay.
Stan: Sick, shut up dude.
Cartman: [Singing]Stan's dog's a homo. Stan's dog's a homo.

Kyle: Who cares if your dog is gay? Maybe it's not that bad.
Cartman: No way dude, my mom says God hates gay people. That's why he smote those sodomies in France.
Kenny: Yeah. Gay people fucking suck ass.
Stan: I know, Mr. Garrison said that homosexuals are evil, but, but Sparky doesn't seem evil.

An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig


Stan: Whoa dude! Where'd you get a pet elephant?
Kyle: I got it mail ordered from Africa. The ad said it would take 4 to 6 weeks, but it only took three.
Stan: Wow, that's cool!
Kyle: No it's not cool! My mom won't let me keep him in the house. She says he's too big, and that his poop is bigger than our couch.
Cartman: That's why my mom got me a pot-bellied pig. Cause its poop is small.
Kenny: Hey you guys, I talked to Garrison and he told me they're almost the same.
Stan: Well yeh, but pigs aren't smart like elephants.

Kyle: There's no Jews in San Fransisco, you retard!
Cartman: I'll kick you in the nuts!
Moreau: Can I help you?
(Kenny closes his hood)
Kenny: Ahhhh!
Kyle: Uh…yeh…we want to crossbreed an elephant with a pig.

Stan: Really, you, you guys don't want to come over for just a little bit?
Cartman: Why? Is your sister gonna kick your ass again?
Stan: Shut up Cartman!
Kenny: Dude, are you gonna feather your hair?
Kyle: Yeh Stan, she's just a girl.
Cartman: Yeh, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey, why don't you stop dressin' me up like a mailman, and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know, on my dad's bed!"
Stan: Cartman?!? What the hell are you talking about?!?
Cartman: I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, that's all.
Kyle: Stan, you can use family love as a weapon against Shelly. The next time she's gonna kick your ass, just tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister, and I love you."
Kenny: And I wanna take off your bra!
Stan: Sick dude, she's my sister!

Chef: Hey, you're that crazy cracker from up on the hill.
Mephisto: Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy…then…uhhhhh…hmmm…oh, nevermind. I'm afraid there's been a bit of an incident at the ranch. You see, I've created a large mutant clone of that little boy there, and he's broken free.
Kenny: A big mutant Stan?!?
Stan: A big mutant version of me?

Kyle: How big do you think he is?
Stan: I bet he weighs four hundred pounds.
Kyle: Come on Stan, don't you even know where you would go?
Kenny: Oh my God, what is he doing?!?
Stan: Oh my God!
Guy: Ahhhhh!
(Clone runs by with two people in his arm)



Mr. Garrison: Yes Kenny, what is it?
Kenny: I have to go fart.
Mr. Garrison: I thought you just came from the bathroom.
Kenny: I did, but I really, really gotta go...
Mr. Garrison: Ok ok, go ahead.

Stan: So, is it ok to assist somebody with suicide, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: Uh, Stan, I'm not touching that one with a twenty foot pole.
Kenny: Oh my God!
(Kenny runs to the bathroom. Not long after, a splattering can be heard)
Kenny: Owww!

Cartman: Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again!
Kenny: Oh my God!
(Kenny runs to the bathroom) Cartman: Hey, you're gonna miss it Kenny.
(Kenny splatters) Phillip: You're such an asshole Terrance.
Terrance: Haha, I sure am!
(Laughter followed by more splatters)
Kenny: Ow!

Kyle: Yeah, I think that parents only get so offended by television because the rely on it as a babysitter, and the sole educator of their kids.
Kenny: And what I think, basically, is that when you let what you watch be under your parents' control, television sucks. Television sucks because parents get offended because they rely on television as a baby sitter for their kids.
Stan: Totally dude.
Kyle: Good point man.

Pink Eye


Cartman: Knock it off you guys, she said she was young, and needed the money.
Stan: Cartman, those pictures were taken like, last month.
Cartman: Ehh... eh... screw you guys!
(Kenny climbs out of his grave)
Kenny: Hahahahaha! I'm back!
(Statue falls on Kenny)
Kenny: Oww!!
(Airplane crashes on Kenny + statue)

Starvin Marvin


Sally Struthers: Sponsor now and we'll also send you this Teiko digital sports watch as a free gift.
Cartman: KICK ASS!!
Stan: SWEET!
Kenny: Woohoo!
Stan: I'll call, I know my mom's credit card number.

Stan: Vas-deferens?
Kenny: That's the tube that goes from your nuts to your peepee.
Kyle: Ask her if we get the watch right away.
Stan: Do we get the watch right away?

Mr. Hankey


(Kyle catches baby Jesus and grasps it by the head)
Kyle: It's a boy!
Cartman: Ohhhh.
Kenny: It must be a miracle!

Wendy: Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue!
(Wendy catches a snowflake)
Wendy: It's fun!
(Stan, Cartman, then a bunch of other kids catch snowflakes. Then a bird craps in Kenny's mouth.)
Kenny: Fuck!
Stan: Aw, sick, dude!

Kyle: It's true, he doesn't care what faith you are. [Singing]Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me and I love you, therefore vicariously he loves you, even ...
Cartman: Don't mind him, he's a very disturbed little boy.
Kenny: Kyle's crazy.
Stan: Yeah.
Sheila: Okay Kyle, we're leaving right now.

Stan: Dude! Sick!
Cartman: Is this some kind of Jewish tradition?!?
Kenny: That is the sickest thing I've ever fucking seen.
Kyle: Wait, you guys, he's alive.
Stan: Kyle, I think you better get home and get some sleep.

Kyle: Dude, something's still not right.
Cartman: Yeah, something feels... unfinished.
Stan: What could it be?
(They glance around. The words, "THE END" pop up) Kenny: Whoo hoo hoo!



Stan: Hey new kid. Kenny says he saw your mom drop you off this morning, and she's a real dog.
Kenny: Yeah, she looks like a fucking bitch.
Damien: That does it! Woofda!
(Damien turns Kenny into a duck-billed platypus)

Tom's Rhinoplasty


Ms. Ellen: Hello, children.
Kyle + Stan: Whoa!
Cartman: Wow. She's pretty.
Kenny: Yeah, I'd like to get a peice of her!
Stan: You can say that again!
Kenny: Yeah, I'd like to get a peice of her!

Chef: That's okay, you know what they say about women with one arm longer than the other!
Kenny: Yeah. They can always finger their pussy.
Chef: That's right.

Kyle: So how'd your date with Miss Ellen go?
Cartman: Did you make love?
Stan: I think so.
Cartman: No way!
Stan: Yep.
Kyle: Down by the fire?
Stan: Yep.
Kenny: And did you stick it in Miss Ellen's big vagina?
Stan: Did I what?!?

Mecha Streissand


Stan: I have a button we can use for his nose.
Kenny: Yeah, and I got these marbles to go with the carrot stick.
Kyle: What would we use a marble sack for?
Cartman: Be careful where you put that carrot, Kyle might steal it!
Kyle: I didn't steal anything!

Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut


Stan: Dude, the bus'll be here any minute, and Cartman didn't show up for school.
Kyle: Yeh, this is like the third day in a row. I wonder what's wrong.
Kenny: Maybe he's such a fatass that he got stuck.
(This one was hard, but it's hella close.)

Cartman: Why thank you Polly Prissypants, how nice of you.
Stan: Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
Kenny: What the fuck is he doing giving the stuffed animals tea?
Kyle: Come on, let's go make fun of him.
Stan: No, dude, this looks really serious. I think we better get help.

As Kenny is dragged by the go-cart, he screams all sorts of nasty obsenities and naughty words that would warp your fragile little mind... if this section hasn't already. :)

Season 2

Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut


Chef: Is everybody ok? That sounded like a gunshot.
Officer Barbrady:Oh my God,look!
Kenny:Oh my God! They killed Mephesto!
Kyle:You bastards!

Doctor:Now listen closely Team B; your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this, you must brave the storm outside, and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here, where this is a television and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be Velociraptors here. Once you reach the top you should be able to get a clear view through this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then you can proceed down into the generator and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman:No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Doctor:Right then, let's do it. Go Team!!!

Doctor: Team B, come in Team B.
Kenny: This is Team B.
Doctor: Listen, Team B, we found another path to the generator. There's actually a nice heated walkway to it, so you don't need to walk through all that sewage.
Kenny:Are you fucking kidding me?!? You make me crawl through the fucking sewer!
Doctor:Oh, well, forget I said that then. Listen, Team B, you should be seeing a large drift of snow with some metal sticking out of it just to your left.

Kenny: Team A this is Team B.
Doctor: Roger Team B. He's reached the backup generator. Team B, can you see the two copper nodes?
Kenny: Uh-huh.
Doctor:Good, now is there a wire connecting them?
Kenny: Uh-uh.
Doctor: Damn, the wire connecting the nodes is gone. We need to complete the circuit or we're screwed.
Kyle: Do you have any wire here?
Doctor: There's no time. Once these lights flicker out, all the patients on life support are going to die.
Kenny: I'll fucking do it.

Season Two
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