10. She yells "Bingo!" during sex.
9. Her bridge night is constantly disrupted by diatribes against "that socialist bastard Roosevelt."
8. In apparent tribute to Madonna, she wears her Depend Undergarments on the outside of her clothes.
7. She makes you a cake decorated with Polident tablets.
6. She won't bend over in the garden because "the potatoes have eyes."
5. Two words: Thong bikini.
4. She writes on her postcards: "Having a great time - wish I was here!"
3. She takes her dog Fluffy for a walk each day. Fluffy died five years ago.
2. She's constantly pinching your left cheek. Unfortunately, it isn't the one on your face.
1. She tries to connect her "electric friend" to "The Clapper."