On with it then Tash!
How to attract a guy's attention...
1. Blow him a kiss
2. Pinch his arse
3. Run around screaming that the old man hobbling behind you is trying to rape you - although this may also attract the attention of everyone else within a 5 km radius...
Not brave enough? Try the subtle approach...
4. walk by with your friend and say "HE'S REALLY HOT!" (mm, yes. That's subtlety for you!)
5. Look at him. Then look away when he looks back. Then look again. Then look away. Warning - This constant flicking of the eyes makes you very dizzy.
Not brave enough to do even that?
6. Walk past him twenty million times. If he doesn't notice you by the 5th round, he's either really stupid or has cataracts.
7. Wear anything which reveals half your thigh and the shadow of your cleavage. Believe me - this works.
STILL NOT BRAVE ENOUGH??
There is nothing I can do for you. My favourite pick-up line - "My friend thinks you're cute. Do you want to go out with me?" Now that you have his attention, how to make him ask you out. (Note to all girls: If a guy's too chicken to ask you out, then he's a gutless worm and he isn't worth bothering about.)
1. The direct approach - "Are you EVER going to ask me out??"
2. The cryptic approach; "Out me ask to going EVER you are??"
3. KEEP HIM INTERESTED! "I've got a Play station 2."
How to nab "Mr Perfect"...
Step One: Whenever you see a cute guy, pinch his arse.
Step Two: Now that you have his attention, flash!
Step Three: Now that you've got him interested, point upwards to a billboard "which you prepared earlier". It has your name and number on it.
Step Four: Now sit back and wait for his call. If he doesn't call, he's a coward and you never wanted him anyway.
Note: A little footnote from the Tash herself - " I don't have that many flirting techniques. I have so many repelling techniques... Why have I been perfecting my repulsiveness?? but I have so many, like -"
For deterring sleazy old bastards (SOBs)...
SOB: "I know how to please a woman."
You: "Then please leave me alone."
SOB: "What's your name?"
You: "Sister Mary Francis".
SOB: "So, what do you like doing?"
You: "Umm.. planting trees, cleaning the bathroom, playing chess, and...
Ooh! I LOVE re-organising the books in the library!" (This is
Aarabi's line, not mine.)
SOB: "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
You: "Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore."
SOB: "Give me a smile."
You: "I can't. My false teeth will fall out."
SOB: "What do you do?"
You: "I'm a female inpersonator."
You: "I'm not allowed to kiss a guy unless I intend to marry him." (Hehehe.
Watch him run!)
You: "Going out with you has made me realise that I'm a lesbian".
To the bitch who's dissing your looks;
Bitch: "You look kinda pale and sick."
You: "That's cause I just saw your mother pashing your boyfriend."
(I HAD to perfect this line; I am the epitome of pale and
sickliness.)
Note: I have never been brave enough to use some of these...
I have used the "not allowed to kiss a guy" one, though. Muahahaha!
How to dump him - my favourite part!
1. The direct approach - "I don't like you anymore."
2. The indirect approach - move interstate, don't return his calls, change your name.
3. My favourite - "Going out with you has made me realise that I'm a lesbian."
Happy hunting! and remember; the less you wear, the less there is for him to take off! Efficiency, I say. I have better things to do than wait around... ;)