by: Abra

rating: pg

pairing: D+R, 2+1

warning: weird, ooc, shounen-ai, shoujo-ai

"Oh, I am so glad to host the wedding of Heero and Duo," said Relena, her face shining with happiness.

Dorothy's eyes turned into tiny little x-es, frothed at the mouth and facevaulted.

"Dorothy?" Relena said, a concerned look on her face. "Are you all right?" She hovered frettishly (if it wasn't a word before, it is now!) over Dorothy. A long moment passed. And another. "Dorothy?" Relena said again. This time, Dorothy twitched. Suddenly Dorothy popped up, good as new (kinda...sorta...maybe...naaaaahhhh). Relena blinked (like this: *blink...blinkblink*), and took a step back.

"Relena-sama..." Dorothy croaked. "I was under the impression that-" -"that I wanted Heero for myself?" Relena interjected. "Oh, don't be silly. I only followed Heero around because I had nothing better to do at the time," she said. Dorothy *blink...blinkblink*'ed "Ooookaaay...." she said. Relena continued on, as if Dorothy hadn't said anything.

"And then, when I saw how MUCH those two LOVED eachother..." she trailed off, in sparkles, bubbles, and misty pastel colors. "Yes?" Dorothy said, poking Relena on the shoulder.

"Hmmm...?? Oh yeah, where was I?" Relena said, snapping out of her shoujo anime/manga sappiness induced daze. Dorothy sweatdropped, as the special effects vanished just as abruptly as they came.

"When you saw how much they loved eachother...?" she prompted.

"Oh, RIGHT!!"said Relena. "Well," she said, continuing the story. "When I saw that, I felt it was my duty as a protector of LOVE and PEACE to make them realise how much they cared about eachother!!" At this point, the sparklies, and bubbles, and pastel mist came back in full force, only now, with lace, and hearts too.

"A...anou...." Dorothy said, semi-SD, with some of those funky bg's that tend to pop up in situations like this. Relena waved a hand at Dorothy. "Shut up, I'm on a roll here," she said. "Anyway, I HAD to get them together, without them realising what I was doing, and most importantly, without revealing my Secret Identity...." she continued.

"What secret identity?" asked Dorothy. Relena ignored her.

"Anyway, I used my Special Powers as a Magical Girl of Peace to locate them, again, and again, all the time implementing my Master Plan..."

Now, dear reader, you must realise, that this whole time, the messenger that asked Relena to host Duo and Heero's wedding was still there, as were any number of servants. So they were all privy to this...*interesting* conversation as well. ANYWHOO...back to the story!!

"What master plan?" said Dorothy, who had little else to do, and no means of escape, due to the fact that during the Authors Interlude, Relena had grabbed Dorothy in a choke hold, and was exhibiting strength more appropriate of Heero Yuy, than Relena Peacecraft.

"THIS one!!" Relena said triumphantly, pulling a pile of papers, and blueprints labeled 'Magical Girl Peace and Love's Ultra Top Secret Master Plan to get Heero and Duo together'. Dorothy sweatrained.

"Kill me, kill me now, and let me die a merciful death..." she said. Her sentiments were echoed by all the other people held captive by Relena's monologue. Suddenly, on a whim, both Dorothy and Relena turned chibi. "I feel so proud of myself...." Relena said. "All my wonderful plans...came to fruition..." her eyes got even mistier, and still MORE shoujo sfx appeared (if that's even possible).

Meanwhile, Dorothy, who had SOMEHOW managed to escape from Relena, was looking at the so-called 'Master Plan'. "This is ridiculous..." she muttered. "None of it could ever work..." Just then, Relena danced up to Dorothy again. "And then, the absolute deciding factor occurred!!" she proclaimed.

"I've got a bad feeling about this...." Dorothy muttered.

"I met YOU, my WONDERFUL, One and Only...TRUE LOVE Dorothy!!" Relena sparkled, and became pretty much ALL eyes. Dorothy blinked. And twitched. And blinked again. And suddenly, as if by magic, she began to sparkle. "I...I...I LOVE YOU TOO RELENA-SAMAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" And with that, she glomped Relena, and they both sparkled, and bubbled, and misted, until the shoujo sfx were so thick, you couldn't even SEE.

A small bat-winged figure looked down on the two. "Heh, another job well done, if I do say so myself. And I do." Duo-bat looked out at the audience. "What, you thought I was only Death? HA!! It doesn't pay NEARLY well enough!! And I gotta save up for those Pokemon cards!! Now, shoo!! Get back to the story!! Go on, SCRAM!!"

A year and a half after Duo and Heero's wedding....

The phone was ringing in the Maxwell/Yuy residence. It was ringing LOUD. And...it woke Duo up.

"Rrrmph...'llo??" he said into the phone, rather groggy. "Uh-huh, uh-huh, mm-hmm, oh, we're doing just fine, you?" About this time, Heero woke up.

"Who is it, Duo?" he asked.

"Relena," Duo replied. "Huh? oh, Heero was just asking who was on the phone," he continued. "Oh, sure, Heero, Relena and Dorothy say hi." Heero nodded. "He says hi back," Duo continued. "Mm-hmm, oh, REALLY?! Wow!! That's GREAT!! Congratulations!! We're so happy for you!! Of COURSE we'll be there!! Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, three months?? Okay, mm-hmm, sure, okay, bye!!" Duo hung up the phone, and

turned to Heero with and even-bigger-than-usual grin on his face.

"What was that about?" Heero asked. Duo's grin widened, if at all possible.

"Relena and Dorothy are getting MARRIED!!" he said.

Duo-bat sat back, organising his new Pokemon cards. "Yep, another job, VERY well done," he said. "Oooh, looky I got MYUU!!" He shoved the card into Heero-bird's face.

"Hn," Heero-bird snorted.

"Oh, quit being a

party-pooper," Duo-bat said, carefully putting his card away. "You're just mad because all of YOUR assignments love-interests keep DYING."

"And who's fault is that?!" Heero-bird asked.

"Oh...I dunno..." said Duo-bat, manifesting a crooked halo. Then, he began cackling, and, as the screen faded to black, the cackling faded out with it.

the end?



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