This page is to spread some old jokes to someone besides my wife.
1. What does DNA spell?
National Dyslexia Association
2.There was a survey taken to see how many American women would sleep with President Clinton, 70% said "never again".
3.Someone asked Bob Dole if he wore boxers or briefs, and he said "depends"
4.What's the difference between Michael Jackson & a plastic grocery bag?
One is dangerous to your children's health, the other you carry groceries in
5.a guy is flying in a small, single engine airplane, it catches on fire, and he decides to bail out. as he's falling, he pulls his parachute rip cord, and nothing happens. he pulls the emergency cord, and again, nothing happens. as he's falling, pondering what to do, a person shoots past, in the other direction. He asks the person, "pardon me, do you know anything about parachutes?" and the other guy says, "no. do you know anything about gas stoves?"
6.2 guys are fishing. One guy catches something really heavy. drags it to the boat, and after wiping the seaweed off of it, finds a genie bottle. The genie comes out and says, "you can have 1 wish." the guy says he would like to have all of the beer he can drink in his life-time. the genie says "okay" and instantly, the whole lake is turned into beer. the guy says to his friend, "wow! did you see that?" his friend says, "great! now we're going to have to pee in the boat!"
7.3 guys are deer hunting, 1 has to go to the bathroom.he sits down on a fallen tree, with a pit behind it, and proceeds to go. (eew!) He falls asleep, and his 2 buddys go off hunting. one of them shoots a deer, guts it, and decides that he should throw the guts in the same pit behind his friend. they go off again, and the friend finally wakes up, and comes back to his friends, and he says, "the strangest thing happened to me. i sat there so long, i pooped all my guts out. but with the help of the good lord, and a stick, i got them all back in!" (again, eew!)
8. 2 field mice are madly in love, and decide to have a date tonight. the little girl mouse gets herself all spiffied up, and starts out across the fields to her boyfriend's house. as she's crossing the field, she hears this terrible rumbling behind her. and turns just in time to be sucked up by a combine. she tumbles around inside, and eventually, after being beat up for a while, gets spit out by the machine. she weakly crawls to her boyfriend's house, bruised & battered, and knocks on the door. the boyfriend comes out, and sees her, and says, " my gosh! what's happened to you?" she said, "i've been reaped!"
