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Spaghetti Junction is the "internal family" of a survivor of childhood sexual and emotional abuse. This family may or may not be dissociative in nature. I have had symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder and dissociation to varying degrees throughout my lifetime, however no official diagnosis has ever been made. I am conscious of these other personalities, and it may be that they are not separate entities. It may well be that they are the only mechanism I can devise to explain and, more importantly, to endure the internal conflicts and the confusion arising from my childhood experiences. This site, as is my recovery and self-realization, is a work in progress. It may at times seem disjointed and sometimes alarming. I write it for myself, and I choose to share it with the world.
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The cast of Spaghetti
Junction |
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| Bill | The pseudonym of the meta-being. The name the body uses. | |
| Spiritwalker | The Strong Protector. Guardian and voice of justice. | |
| Jakob | The parent and connection point for all within. The nexus of the system. | |
| Jake | A rather new entry. Spirited teen, trying to find his way in the world. | |
| Little Jake | A bright and gregarious, but confused little boy who just wants a friend. | |
| Jackie | A little girl who would do anything to please daddy. | |
| Eric | A little boy who just can't stop fantasizing about girls and sex. | |
| Whoami | Detached observer. Jumps in occasionally with an insight or memory. | |
| The Babies | Voiceless and nameless. They come to me at night. | |
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Together we form a
collective unit of the fragments of the person who is known as Bill. |
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These will be updated from time to time, as I remember and grow... |
Updated | |
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| The Past | Where we were. Sad memories of childhood. |
6-18-00 |
| The Present | Where we are now. An evolving story... |
7-13-00 |
| The Future | Where we want to be. What we feel we need to be. | 6-18-00 |
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| Our Joys | What make us happy. | 6-18-00 |
| Our Fears | Things that we worry about. Things that scare us. | 6-18-00 |
| Our Hopes | Our dreams and visions. (Same page as The Future) | 6-18-00 |
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| Poetry | I'm kind of new at this, and not the world's best... | 6-24-00 |
| Stories | Stories, fiction and satirical glances at my past... | 7-05-00 |
| Articles | Wisdom and information gleaned from Usenet | 6-24-00 |
| Thoughts | Philosophical introspections and random thoughts. | 7-13-00 |
| Rants | Ranting, raving and editorials. (mostly about offenders) | 7-10-00 |
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| Fun Stuff | Our less serious side. Fractal art, humor, and maybe silliness. | 6-18-00 |
| Links | Other places we have enjoyed, and hope you will. | 6-20-00 |
| ????? | Room for expansion. Nothing in here yet. | |
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We fear our father's sins could become our own. He abused us, but despite the pain. confusion, fear and the cravings, we choose not to abuse. Still, we fear that the echoes of his abuse shall be visited upon us. We have never and will never do to a child what he did to us, but the abuse has led to fascinations that, in and of themselves, may eventually condemn us in the face of others more than we have already condemned ourselves.
We want to grow up. We want to be a whole adult. We want no child to ever feel the pain we felt, nor to grow up to feel the pain we do. If you are a survivor of abuse, reach out. There is hope. If you are a person who feels you might abuse a child, reach out. There is help. If you are abusing a child, STOP NOW, and think of what you are doing!!! (Jakob -- Eric)
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