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To My Loving Wife

During the last year I have
tried to seduce you 365 times.
I have succeeded only 36 times.
This is an average of once every 10 days.
The following is a list of why I didnít
succeed more often:

We'll wake the children - 17 Times
It's too late - 23 Times
It's too hot - 15 Times
It's too early - 5 Times
It's too cold - 15 Times
Pretending to be asleep - 49 Times
Windows open neighbors will hear - 9 Times
Backache - 16 Times
Headache - 6 Times
Toothache - 2 Times
Giggles - 4 Times
Too Full - 10 Times
Not in the mood - 21 Times
Watched T.V. late show - 7 Times
Mud Pack - 5 Times
New Hairdo - 25 Times
Company in next room - 11 Times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 Times

Total ----- 329 Times

During the 36 times I DID succeed
The activity was not entirely satisfying
because:

6 times you chewed gum the whole time
5 times you watched T.V. the whole time
18 times you told me to hurry and get it over with
6 times I had to wake you and tell you we were through
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

Honey, it's no damn wonder I drink so much

Your Loving Husband

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