"stop it... please... for me... ok?" -I had to deal with this request a few times, and it broke my heart each and every time. Not only did I feel much pressure to prove my friendship, loyalty and love, but I also felt so selfish, for not being able to get better for my friends. -I didn't betray anyone by not getting better, but I felt as though I did, and that only made me hate myself more -> which led to more self-punishment. This kind of pressure is the last thing a SI needs. And if there is anyone you should get better for- it's yourself! You deserve to be healthy.

"eauuu! that's disgusting! I don't want to hear about it!" -I know it's not something you want to hear, especially when it comes from someone you care about. But if your loved one has finally opened up to you, try to stand tall, swallow your pain, and be there for him/her. One of the problems of SI is that they repress their emotions. If they come to you and vent, you may just be the thing to help them through this, simply by lending your ear.

"you did this? are you crazy or what?" -Would this kind of thing persuade you that you deserve to get better? your loved one is probably feeling like a freak as it is, and the last thing you want to do is add to this feeling.

"either you leave this disease behind- or leave our friendship behind" -Don't make the person you love choose. Don't risk losing your friend for his/her illness, and don't risk leaving him/her alone in their toughest hour. You need to help your loved one, by urging him/her to get some help. Emotional extortion will only lead to heartbreak. Make your loved one see he/she needs help, try to persuade him/her they want help, make them understand that they deserve help. Then, when they are ready for help- be there to support them.

"you know, you're going to have terrible scars!" -Even if this would make a person stop (and believe me- it won't!!!), do you really want your loved one to stop SIing so that he/she won't have scars? wouldn't you rather they woked out their problems because they don't want to hurt themselves anymore? And like I said- this wouldn't work. If stopping this behavior was as easy as deciding: "I don't want any scars!", the number of self-harmers would be much smaller.

"how could you do this to me?" -As horrible as you may be feeling right now, this was never the intention of your loved one to hurt you. This is his/her way of hurting him/her-self. The last thing they are trying to do is cause you pain. Please don't make them feel guilty for having this problem- it's not their fault. What they need right now is your love and support, and not your lectures. As hard as it may be, try to be strong for you loved one!

"You're psychotic! you're sick!" -Gee, thanks! I really needed that, since I didn't feel bad enough about myself (note the sarcasm). See, it's part of the circle of SI for many of us: We self-harm, then we look at what we've done, and think: "this is gross!" than we feel the need to punish ourselves- and how do we do that? by self harming!

"If you will cut - I will cut" -I have three friends who know their way around self injury. Two of them are no longer SIing, and the other is trying to stop. They told me this: 'If you cut- we cut too'. And although if anything will stop me from cutting- it's my best friend's safety, I still don't find this to be the right thing: If I will want to stop- I want my friend to be there and help me- but I don't want them to pressure me into something I'm not ready for.

"I will fix you" -First of all, the idea that we need to be 'fixed' is not one we like to hear. If you ask me, it's a totally wrong way of looking at it: we are not broken, we are not crazy. We have a problem, we have an illness: we need to be healed. Another thing- the idea that you - one person, or a bunch of people - will be the ones who heal us, is a very sweet idea, but it's not realistic. Years of struggle will only come to an end with the help of *professional help *support of friends and family, and most of all *a change from withing the self harmer, and a true will to recover.

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