Identifying personality patterns and understanding them is the next important step in setting up an emotional defense system. For it is through this understanding that we can not only evaluate what the motives are behind presuppositions, (hidden messages within communication meant to break down a persons emotional defense), but also, how to respond to them. I emphasize "respond" rather than retaliation for an important reason because, most people who abuse others through the use of presuppositions rarely understand what they are doing. In fact, most people are simply modeling the behavior they grew up with and the ability attack others using presuppositions becomes an innate ability in the person's nature. With this in mind, any direct retaliatory response would only further deteriorate the defending person's position and actually help the cause of the abuser. Credibility is removed from a defensive person along with their esteem, power & authority, basically the very things you are suppose to be defending.
To begin to learn how to appropriately respond towards abusive, negative communication, one must first learn the five basic modes of behavior. As you read them, try and visualize people you might recognize who display this type of behavior. For those who have become proactive in this Practical Magick series, you should by now, have a notepad listing the areas in your circles of interaction where you feel the most negative feelings are being generated from. Try to label each of those areas with one of these models of behavior.
1. Placater: A person who is afraid of rejection from others and communicates accordingly trying to pacify people just to receive acceptance. This is a form of behavior that they would never admit they practice, even to themselves.
2. Blamer: This person feels that nobody cares or respects them. They feel all others are indifferent or calloused to their feelings and/or needs. Therefore, the blamer will react to these feelings by using strong verbal behavior intended to demonstrate that they are in charge.
3. Non-Responsive: This person acts much like a computer. They are afraid that someone will find out their true feelings and pretend that they in fact, don't have any. The non-responsive person will always communicate in abstract form, generalize responses, and not show feelings.
4. Distractor: This individual is a combination of the upper three categories. They communicate in vague uncommitting ways and are extremely indirect in confrontations.
5. Leveler: Cut and dry. This person sticks to the facts no matter who they are communicating with. They rarely consider whether the statement of fact is appropriate or not.
The key to setting up your emotional shield is by sharpening your ability to recognize these five categories or "modes" of communication. Most all of your "problem" areas will be with a person with a "Blamer" stance of communication. It is very important to be able to tell the difference between this person and say, a Leveler who is simply stating the facts. (The truth hurts sometimes.)
Here is a strategy for Emotional Defense: On a piece of paper, write your name in the center. This paper is going to represent ONE circle of interaction so if you want to do this exercise for several areas, each sheet will represent a separate group. For instance, one sheet might represent work while another might represent friends, family, etc. Then, begin to write the names of the people who are a part of that circle in the space around your name. After the names, assign a model of behavior from the list above.
Next, draw a line from your name to each of the other names surrounding your own. A solid line will indicate you have direct communication with this person, a dotted line indicates indirect communication. Now, take the people you have direct Communication with and determine their communication with each other by again, drawing a solid line indicating direct communication, dotted for indirect. When you are finished, you will have spiderweb of lines, but this "web" will give you a birds eye view on just what the focused energy around you looks like. This "map" can become a valuable tool as you begin building your emotional defense because you will understand by seeing for yourself, just where your defenses need strengthening and what other areas you can leave alone. The map will obviously need to be updated periodically as your circle of interaction changes because one new person can make a BIG difference depending on what model of behavior they possess.
Lastly, you need to begin developing a strategy for defense once you recognize what and where the most negative energy is coming from. We will begin with a basic strategy:
1. Identify the behavior model being used
2. Identify the hidden meaning in the communication used. (Presupposition)
3. Respond to the presupposition using the "NON-RESPONSIVE" model with a
neutral request for information about the presupposition. (Or make a
remark about it
using a presupposition of your own.) Example: "You REALLY must be doing
something wrong because the printer never goes off line when I use it."
Reply using the NON-RESPONSIVE mode: "That's funny, EVERYONE else seems to be having the same problem as I do when I print on this machine.
What you have just accomplished is very subtle. To put it simply, by "responding" in this fashion you send the presupposition/hidden attack right back into the lap of the person who sent it. This places them in a position of either sending another presupposition, which you would respond to in the same fashion as before, or by their dismissing the whole situation altogether. Chances are great that the subtile message you sent will trigger a greater desire to send more respectful messages to you when the next opportunity arises.
Sound too much like a script? Well, the fact is that each of us have roles we play whether we like it or not. And for those who do not learn the art of emotional defense, our roles can quickly change and we find ourselves broken down into the hole of "victim mentality" and low self esteem. As we begin to actively practice this art of emotional protection, we send out hidden messages of our own that strongly state, "Don't mess with me if you know what's good for you." This message does much the same thing as a presupposition does, but in this case it is ment to command respect from a person rather than put them down. Remember as well, your "defenses" need not be switched on for areas/people you do not receive negativity from but rather, for the problem areas that you in fact, DO have trouble with. This will take practice but as a hint, pay attention to CONDESCENDENCE and it's origin in your circles. Because it is from this area where you can be sure that you will receive the most destructive negative energy. Use your "maps" to help you and learn the "models" as well as the various types of presuppositions. Practice using scripts RESPONDING to them in the non-responsive mode of behavior.
Our actual goal for this part of our teaching, is to bring greater credibility, integrity, power and authority into your life. And eventually you will be building up enough power to begin moving out of the non-responsive model and into the realm of the "Leveler." This is the place of greatest power; responding with "how it is" regardless of what the other negative person thinks.
Remember, this part of our teaching is NOT to encourage defensiveness, but DEFENSE of your emotions from condescending and negative power. If any of our readers following along have any questions or need further insight, please feel free to contact me
Practical Magick Series