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Forgotten Memory - 24.11.98

How is it so,
that my memories
do not flow?
Things escape me,
avoid and berate me,
it's as if life came along,
paused and raped me.
Glimpses come;
more often they go,
dull my clarity
like a cranium blow.

Coaxing, cajoling
my mind's not
for unfolding,
uncertainties abound,
casting doubt
on the found,
mosaic fragments
incomplete and unsound.
Few recollections
present for extolling
as frustration reigns
my weakness controlling,

Clouded unsure,
my memory recovers
only the obscure.
Yet memories of others
Trigger the lost
and the illusive,
In a wave of remembrance
What was vague is conclusive.
Few are these triumphs
Maddening their allure
Vast empty spaces
Are what I endure.

Cause and effect
logic implies,
abuse what is needed
and slowly it dies,
society's drugs
freely ingested,
alcohol and caffeine
are causes accepted
constantly mentally,
bodily affected,
Such consequences
are simply expected,
What was I saying?
What were your replies?
I only recall
my memory-less demise.

Young as I am,
twenty-something man,
age approaches
like a river to a dam.
Inevitabilities rear,
certainties clear,
memory failing
middle age is near.
What then I fear?
Slight is the likelihood
of no more coffee and beer.
Will I give a damn?
about my life,
my wife,
in fact who I am?
 
© Nicholas Vosper 2001