Customs And Traditions
It is customary for the bride to wear white and a headdress & veil. Jews from oriental countries wear elaborate costumes richly embroidered. The groom may wear a "kitel" (a white garment) along with a tallit.
Before the ceremony, the groom, in the presence of witnesses, undertakes an act of "kinyan" (the obligations of the Ketubah). This is done by taking a handkerchief or some other object by the Rabbi, lifting it and returning it. The groom and witnesses then sign the Ketubah. The groom is then led to the "Chuppah" by two male relatives facing Jerusalem.
The bride is led in by the Mothers usually to the accompaniment of a blessing of welcome chanted by the Rabbi. Sometimes the bride is led in 7 circles around the groom to ward off evil spirits.
The bride stands to the right of the groom and the Rabbi recites the marriage blessings over a goblet of wine. Both the bride & groom then drink from the glass.
The groom places the wedding ring on the forefinger of the bride's right hand and recites the marriage formula. The "ketubah" (marriage contract) is then read and the 7 marriage benedictions are recited.
In most ceremonies, the groom then crushes the glass under his right foot and the Rabbi invokes the "priestly blessings". The couple is then escorted away.
The Chuppa
The central symbol of the wedding is the Chuppah or wedding canopy under which the bride and groom stand. The Chuppah, representing the home they will establish together, has four corner posts but no walls. Traditionally, the bride's and groom's parents stand around the couple beneath the Chuppah to symbolize that parents are the foundation upon which the bride and groom will establish their own home. The open walls of the Chuppah indicate that the couple's new home should be open, an integral part of their extended family and community.
The Wedding Procession
The custom of escorting the bride and groom to the Chuppah is an ancient one. Throughout Jewish history, brides and grooms have been compared to kings and queens, who
always appear with an entourage. The tradition of attendants continues to this day.
The order of the procession and the number of participants is not fixed by Jewish Law. Some customs have continued over the years, and these may help serve as guides. The family may decide the order of the procession and who stands under the Chuppah. Non-Jews may be part of the wedding procession.
Many families provide for a marriage coordinator to aid in facilitating these
arrangements.
Since Judaism has always emphasized the important role of parents, it is usual for the couple to be escorted by their parents or to have their parents stand at their side under the Chuppah. At the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom walk down the aisle together, followed in reverse order by those who participated in the processional.
The Ketubah
The Ketubah is a Jewish legal document confirming the religious bond of your union. It does not replace a standard civil marriage license which the officiating Rabbi will need in order to perform the ceremony. A marriage license can be obtained by applying to the County Clerk's Office and should be arranged for within thirty days prior to the marriage.
The traditional Ketubah has been used by Jews for more than two thousand years, and is written in Aramaic, the language of the Talmud. The great innovation of the Jewish
marriage document is the recognition that not only love, but also responsibility is necessary in a Jewish marriage.
The husband's primary obligations are listed in the Ketubah, declaring that he must cherish and honor his wife, provide for her support and sexual fulfillment. In pre-modern times, his financial obligations in case of death or divorce were also spelled out to insure the woman's welfare.
The Ketubah can be a beautiful work of art. Should you decide to have a Ketubah especially designed, be sure to commission an artist well in advance so it will be ready in time for your wedding day. The artist must also confer with the officiating Rabbi to ensure the exact wording and spellings of the Hebrew names and places in your Ketubah.
Ketubah Text
Ketubah: Is a document recording, in Aramaic, the financial obligations which the husband undertakes toward his wife in respect of their marriage. It was instituted for the purpose of protecting the woman so that the husband would not find it easy to divorce her.
This is a standard English translation of a formal Ketubah text, written in Aramaic. All dates are according to the Hebrew calendar, all names are in Hebrew.
On the ____ day of the week, the ____ day of the month
____ in the year five thousand seven hundred and ____
since the creation of the world, in the city of ____:
_____ son of _____ said to this maiden ____ daughter of ____,
"Be my wife according to the laws of Moses and Israel,
and I will cherish, honor, support and maintain you
in accordance with the custom of Jewish husbands
who cherish, honor, support and maintain their wives faithfully.
And I here present you with the marriage gift of maidens,
two hundred silver zuzim, which belongs to you,
according to the law of Moses and Israel,
and I will also give you your food, clothing and necessities,
and live with you as husband and wife according to the universal custom."
And the maiden _____ consented and became his wife.
The trousseau that she brought to him from her father's house,
in silver, gold, valuables, clothing, furniture and bedclothes,
all this _______, said bridegroom,
accepted in the sum of one hundred silver zuzim, and _____,
the bridegroom, agreed to increase this amount from his own property
with the sum of one hundred silver zuzim,
making in all two hundred silver zuzim.
And thus said ____, the bridegroom:
"The responsibility of this marriage contract,
of this trousseau, and of this additional sum,
I take upon myself and my heirs after me,
so that they shall be paid from the best part of my property
and possessions that I have beneath the whole heaven,
that which I now possess or that which I may hereafter acquire.
All my property, real and personal,
even the shirt from my back,
shall be mortgaged to secure the payment of this marriage contract,
of this trousseau and the addition made to it,
during my lifetime and after my death,
from the present day and forever.
" _____, the bridegroom,
has taken upon himself the responsibility of this marriage contract,
of the trousseau and of the addition made to it,
according to the restrictive usages of all marriage contracts
and the adjoins to them made for the daughters of Israel,
according to the institutions of our sages of blessed memory.
It is not to be regarded as a mere forfeiture without
consideration or as a mere formula of a document.
We have followed the legal formality of delivery and acceptance (kinyan)
between ____ the son of ____, the bridegroom,
and _____ the daughter of _____, the maiden,
and we have used a garment legally fit for the purpose,
to strengthen everything that is said above,
And All Is Valid And Binding
Attested to: _____________ Witness _____________________
Attested to: _____________ Witness _____________________
Veiling Of The Bride
After the signing of the Ketubah, a short ceremony called Bedeken - the veiling of the bride - takes place. In Genesis 24:60, we read the story of Rebecca's first meeting with Isaac. As Isaac, who is to be her husband, approaches, "she took her veil and covered herself." Thus, when the groom lowers his bride's veil, she is blessed with the words offered to Rebecca by her mother and brother, before she left for her marriage to Isaac: "Oh sister, may you grow into thousands of myriads..." The Rabbi recites verses of blessing as the groom veils the bride.
The Wedding Ring
The giving and accepting of an item of value in the presence of witnesses is the most important part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. It has become almost universal Jewish practice to use a ring as the token of the marriage bond. Just as the ring has no beginning and no end, it is the wish of every bride and groom that their love be unending.
One ring, given by the groom to his bride, is required by Jewish law. However,
double-ring ceremonies are now the norm.
The ring must be made of plain metal, usually gold, with no precious stones and of one piece. The ring to be given to the bride must belong to the groom. After reciting the marriage proposal aloud, the groom places the ring on the index finger of the bride's right hand and recites the appropriate betrothal formula.
HARAY AT M'KUDESHET LI B'TABAAT ZO K'DAT MOSHEH V'YISRAEL
By this ring you are consecrated unto me as my wife in accordance with the law of Moses and the people of Israel.
The bride places the ring on the groom's finger and recites words from the biblical book "Song of Songs."
ANI L'DODI V'DODI LI
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.
Before The Ceremony
About thirty minutes before the formal wedding ceremony begins, the marriage license (generally an original and two copies) is brought to the officiating Rabbi in his study, who fills it out and arranges for two witnesses (often two parents) to sign. Then the Ketubah is signed.
By the symbolic act of Kinyan or acquisition,
the groom accepts a material object from the Rabbi, usually a handkerchief, lifts it, and then returns it. In this way, the groom demonstrates his willingness to fulfill his obligation as stipulated in the Ketubah.
According to Jewish Law, two witnesses, knowledgeable and observant Jews, related to neither the bride nor the groom, sign the Ketubah. Generally, the clergy serve as the witnesses.
The Wedding Ceremony
The first is betrothal or Erusin which includes the betrothal blessings and the first cup of wine, the marriage proposal, and the giving of the ring. This is followed by the transition stage when the Rabbi reads the Ketubah.
The second ceremony, the nuptials or Nisuin, consists of the even wedding blessings. After these are concluded, the Rabbi addresses the couple and then pronounces them husband and wife. This is followed by the threefold priestly benediction offered by the Cantor and Rabbi. Then, a glass is broken by the groom. The breaking of the glass concludes the wedding ceremony.
Following the recessional, many observe the custom that the bride and groom proceed immediately to the bridal room where they spend a few minutes alone. Called
"Yichud", this experience gives the newly married couple a peaceful time for shared reflection before the wedding reception.
The Wine
Wine is used in virtually all Jewish ceremonies of joy and celebration. Two glasses of wine are used in the ceremony, one for Erusin, betrothal, the other for the Nisuin(the marriage ceremony). In each case, the bride and groom share the same cup. They may, if they wish, use their own Kiddush cup.
Betrothal Blessings
After the initial blessings over the wine, the Rabbi recites the Birkat Erusin or betrothal blessing. The bride's attendant raises the bride's veil as she and the groom share the wine, after which the veil is lowered. It will be raised again for the second
cup of wine, and at that time, remains off the bride's face.
Breaking The Glass
The breaking of the glass at the end of a wedding ceremony serves as a reminder of two very important aspects of a marriage.
The bride and groom - and everyone - should consider these marriage vows as an IRREVOCABLE ACT - just as permanent and final as the breaking of this glass is unchangeable. But the breaking of the glass also is a warning of the FRAILTY of a marriage.
That sometimes a single thoughtless act, breech of trust, or infidelity can damage a marriage in ways that are very difficult to undo - just as it would be so difficult to undo the breaking of this glass. Knowing that this marriage is permanent, the bride and groom should strive to show each other the love and respect befitting their spouse and love of their life.
The Jewish Home
Important as the wedding is, it is merely the prelude to your new life as a married couple.
What kind of Jewish home will you have?
To help you design a pattern of Jewish living, we suggest that you acquire the following ritual and ceremonial objects:
Sabbath and Festival Candlesticks
These are the ritual objects you will need to celebrate Judaism in your home. All these objects are beautiful, visual reminders of the cycle of Jewish life. Undoubtedly, the best known remains the Mezuzzah, which is attached to the door posts of the home and contains the words of the Shema.
It is important to remember that the establishment of a Jewish home means relating in a positive way to the community.
The ideal Jewish home is one in which there is SHALOM BAYIT, an atmosphere of peace and harmony. It is a home in which virtues are taught more by example than by precept, and where the joy of living is found in shared tasks and responsibilities. We hope this will be your home, and we wish you every happiness in your new life.
Glossary Of Jewish Terms
ALYAH: a Torah honor, literally, "going up" (to the reader’s desk) to read a portion of the Torah text
ASKENAZIC: those Jews whose traditions and customs original from Central and Eastern Europe.
B'DEKEN: the veiling of the bride by the groom before the wedding ceremony
BENTSH: Yiddish for to say Grace, to say blessings
BENTSHER: the booklet containing the text of the Grace after Meals
BIMAH: the platform on which the reader’s desk is located. Usually in front of the Ark, but in Sephardic synagogues it may be in the center of the room.
BIRKAT HAMAZON: Grace after Meals
BRIT: circumcision, also the party given on the occasion
CHALLAH:a braided white bread made for the Sabbath and holidays
CHATAN: the groom
CHUPPAH: The wedding canopy.
ERUSIN: the betrothal ceremony-first part of the Wedding Service
FREYLAKH: a lively dance tune
GET: a religious decree of divorce according to Jewish law
GROOM'S TISH: the groom's table. This is where the groom, groomsmen and male family members gather for song and dance before the ceremony.
HA-MOTZI: colloquial expression for the blessing said over bread
HAKHNASSAT KALLAH: increasing the rejoicing of the bride. Any act of charity to help poor brides.
HAKHNASSAT ORKHIM: hospitality, especially on Sabbath and holidays
HATAN: Hebrew for bridegroom
HAVDALAH: concluding service at the close of the Sabbath, using a special braided candle
KALLAH: the bride
KETUBAH: the marriage contract
KADOSH: to be holy
KASHRUT: Jewish dietary laws
KIDDUSH: the blessing said over wine; also the reception that follows at any celebration
KIDDUSHIN: the word for marriage; it literally means "holiness"
KINYAN: refers to the gift of a ring at the ceremony or a material object at the contract signing
KIPPA: skullcap
KITTEL: white ceremonial robe sometimes worn by the groom during the wedding ceremony.
KOSHER: food and drink that meets the requirements of the dietary laws
LECHAYYIM: "to life"-the traditional toast before drinking liquor or wine
MACHTENISTE: mother-in-law
MAZEL TOV: literally, "good luck"- congratulatory wish
MAZINKEH TANTS: a joyous dance towards the end of the reception which honors parents who brought their last son or daughter to the huppah.
MEHUTON: father-in-law; also a new relationship to the other parents
MEHTONIM: relatives by marriage-in-laws
MIDRASH: rabbinic tales and explanations of the Torah
MITZVAH: divine commandment
MIZINKE: a joyous dance towards the end of the simcha (reception), which honors parents who have brought their last daughter or son to the wedding canopy.
NAKHES: pleasure and pride in the accomplishment and virtues of one’s children
NUISIN: the nuptial portion of the wedding service
OYFRUF: Torah honor to the groom (and bride sometimes) on the Sabbath before the wedding
PARASHAH: the weekly portion of the Torah
SEFIRAH: the period between Passover and Shavuot when weddings may not be held
SEPHARDIM: Jews from Mediteranean countries, Spain or Portugal
SHABBAT: hebrew word for Sabbath
SHAMMASH: person in charge of the synagogue, the sexton
SHEKHINAH: the holy spirit, specifically, the feminine attributes of the Divine
SHEVA BERAKHOT: the seven marriage blessings, first recited under the huppah
SIMAN TOV: a good omen, congratulations or good wishes
SIMCHA: a celebration and the joy of a celebration
TALLIS: prayer shawl worn by married Jewish men in Orthodox synagogues and all adult men in conservative, reform and reconstructionist synagogues.
TENAIM: the engagement contract; also the celebration held when the contract is signed
TISCH: the festive table spread for the bride’s or the groom’s reception
TORAH: the first five books of the Hebrew Bible
TZEDAKAH: obligatory jewish requirement of righteous giving and just behavior that ensures the basic well-being of fellow human beings.
UNTERFIRER: couples escorting the bride and groom
YARMULKE: skullcap
YICHUD: "union"-the brief seclusion of the bride and groom immediately after the wedding ceremony
YOM KIPPUR: the Day of Atonement-holiest day in the Jewish year, when all sins are forgiven
ZIVUK: one’s preordained mate, the perfect match
One Week Before The Wedding
Torah Honor to the Groom:
It is customary to honor the bridegroom in synagogue by calling him up to the Torah on the Sabbath before the wedding. The rejoicing over the coming marriage formally begins then, with a reception (Kiddush) after services, hosted by his family.
Torah Honor to the Bride:
The bride may be honored at a Sabbath afternoon women’s gathering, following the oyruf, which is known as the bride’s Sabbath. The guests honor her with stories about their friendship and thoughts about her upcoming marriage.
The Groom’s Visit to the Mikveh (Ritual Bath):
To prepare themselves for one of the most important moments in their lives, some men go to the Mekvah and afterwards attend a male only party with friends.
The Bride’s Visit to the Mikveh (Ritual Bath):
The brides and converts go to the Mikveh for the first time just before the wedding for ceremonial immersion and purification. A small party for the women in the family usually follows the bride's visit to the Mikveh.
Seclusion of the Bride:
After she has visited the Mikveh, a traditional bride will not see or speak to her fiancée until the actual wedding ceremony, which can be up to a week. This custom has helped many Jewish brides avoid the pre-wedding friction that can occur with their grooms and is also believed to bring good luck to the marriage.
The Seven Blessings
The seven Jewish wedding blessings praise God for: