You know you drink too much coffee when...

Juan Valdez names his mule after you.

You chew on your roommate's fingernails.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

You can't remember your second cup.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.

Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.

You don't sweat - you percolate.

You grind coffee beans in your mouth.