1983 - Part III Dream--05/01/83
Pacing, pulsing after a black-robed being who'd disturbed a gentle ritual, I can feel myself sucked along in his wake - a different being, with no shared pasts between us. In my mind I can "feel" the awakening of the wolf - the intense desire to know - and I project this ahead of me and structure it about the being - and I stop him in his tracks. Time is mine, and he is unaware of my presence as I step-shadow into his frame. He is a big man, hands huge, drenched in sweat and matted hair, his wrist is crinkled with flared scars, one from a burn obviously as a child. The palms are silver and on each finger are red ringlets except for the thumbs; on them are black leather rings. An odd in-knowledge comes to me - that these rings are passed from father to son, that they are a legacy - and a binding. I speak unhurriedly a spell of revelation and separate this being from his known past. And before me then he stands unscarred, his astral form speaking. "My family is of legend and disgrace - through dozens of generations we are the oldest and the most hated. The first we are proud; the hate comes from the slayings at Abarc-on-Liss. My father and his before were slain, burned in the willow fire until bones charred and the death dance began. I bear my father's rings, and my grandfather's. I bear their scars and the hatred of my race - we - they sought peace with other races and were thus condemned. I kept my father's skull and so to my people, was in danger of becoming like him. They were wrong; I am worse." I ask after his identity. "Agarn - holder of calabro trees, minstrel of the dawn." Meanwhile, I draw the black robe back off his face - it is brutally scarred, the most significant of which runs below his left eye to his left ear. "Why did you breach Dragonstar?" "I met Ciras in Barrelhouse; we were both madrigals, and our troupe had landed from quicksilver oceans. During the performance, whilst patrons danced and our flutes accompanied, through saffron smoke and cinnamon beer, there was an implosion and a being appeared. He was robed in the black robe I wear and he called upon something - and all our senses were in disarray. There was a Dragon in front of us, gleaming, fire arcing up in its eyes, and then its roar blotted out all else. When I awoke, Barrelhouse was burning - all were dead save myself - Ciras was gone-" There are blue tears streaming down the being's face. "I left Abarc-on-Liss and journied thru the skies, and found that I was more than I thought. Then I dreamed of my Ciras being in danger - now a companion to the Dragon freely, she was yet in thrall to other forces." My eyes narrow - I frown, and ask why he'd interfered with Dragonstar. "I am dying - the mines I have worked in in three dozen lands have taken their price - I am theirs. And so I gave my gift to Ciras' child, the gift to flesh others' dreams" and the being again, despite my spell, falters. I release him from it and he tumbles toward his feet. As I reach to touch him, his body is dust - only ringlets, eight of red and two black leather, remain as the dream ends.Dream--05/3/83
Back, back, into the Borning Universe, out from the Abyss' center--and in each of us is a sense of being pursued--that the Dragon Garael will use our path to leave the Abyss to manifest without it and disrupt the fabric of being. Engl shifts us thru one veil of passage and then the churning sensation, new life, new being dawning within the Abyss, is upon us once more. Engl's face melts thru myriad selves, thru Aradi, Ch'lari, Dominic, Gregory, Aphael and back, then, into Roderick. Cymynal is distracted, picking at her fingers, as Breane & I continue to charge Roderick's spells. Ceirus stands with Danielle and Jarane, fusing protection against the outward force enveloping us. "What of Garael?" comes from Ceirus. "I do not know--I do not know why he would seek to be in our universe" comes from Roderick. I am sarcastic--"You mean, simply because you so seek to be in his?" He turns to me and the expression in his eyes is confusion. "Garael is no longer one within itself -- and that wrenching concerns me"-- he breaks off, almost to himself, saying "it would mean restructuring whole parts of my system..." and stops. We come once more to the place where Danielle and I had once stood seeing into this dawning existence -- it is the last veil, the last barrier before re-emerging into "our" universe-- and the landscape is suddenly alive around us, flowing, flowing into something completely other than what it was. "Wha.. Why this?" from Breane, and Danielle seems to attune to it--and then vanishes. I look at Roderick and his features are suffused in silver--the dragon outline on his chest glows, then becomes a type of focusing-- my eyes "see" a trail of light-energy "enter" the outline and abruptly, Roderick becomes a silver, two-legged dragon--red eyes, three horns and teeth! Ceirus screams then, and I see that Cymynal and Jarane have been similarly affected, but the girl fights it--and I sense both Breane and Ceirus aiding her and casting whatever force invaded her out. Jarane, though, has become a red and gold dragon, with more than a hint of his demonic self within. There is no speech, just a watching as the metamporphoses occur. Roderick is bent over, double, his hands flung outward, a soundless scream from open mouth--"Shardow!" his voice pitched gutterally--he looks up and his eyes are pure white and beams of intense energy erupt from them--"I can't contain it!"--and the forces bubble up again within him and he becomes a living beacon of light--then, as Breane and Ceirus and Cymynal and I try to aid him, there appear broken patches within the white light and energies seem to rush out away from him. Jarane is screaming all the while in the background--Roderick is twisting away from us and on this plane there is a groundswell of thunder--and I feel a power surging through me and I stand high, hands spread and chant:"Borne through this mirror of chance, you've sought darklight's radiance to its ending, Now by my power, this Phoenix dance, there be cessation to this rending, from distant past to future's storm, my words shall yet hold sway, and alter dragondemons' forms, return the ones now sent away!" and a huge counterclockwise whirling comes over the scene, pastel ribbons of color lend a barberpole effect to it and it swirls faster and faster and I see the others' outer forms swept back, hair awry and I feel a crackling in my hands reversing the metamorphoses--there is resistance--suddenly a plateau--a clicking--a righting of balance seems to be--and Danielle pops into being--with Breane and Ceirus helping I continue to charge the spell, holding, then, as there is a give, releasing it and charging once more. There is a dark cast to the sky, space and then it crumples--tears appear--and another "gear" is reached--the whirling cone moves ever faster and then there is a jolt--and then a strange calm. My hands, my arms , have tongues of flame leaping up from them--and I end the spell--I drop to the ground. Roderick and Jarane are sprawled on the plateau--both forms smoky and with an odd radiance in their auras. Breane cries out to me and rushes into my arms--I push her back, noting their heat. "What happened?" I ask her--"What did you see?" Ceirus breaks in--"Oh...oh, thank you!" to me and I am brusque "What happened?"--and Breane cups my face in her hands--"you stopped Garael from possessing Roderick--you drew upon powers we did not know existed yet--""What?!" I am incredulous. "The Phoenix, Shardow," comes Danielle's voice--"this power resides in you--""And where did you pop off to?" I demand. And at my words an after-effect occurs--an ankh of purest silver, as big as my hand, forms out of mid-air and hums--and a voice speaks: "You have but delayed an inevitable force--yet your delay itself has drawn new factors into play--" and then we see the voice's owner, standing in silhouette on a precipice high above us--"I told you that your actions would not defeat me--indeed, Roderick has but freed me!" and before us, then, gone, vanished was the being we knew as Rejc Ketain -- all of us are stunned--and we aid Roderick and Jarane to their feet-and tell them of the latest bizarre twist--"It is not impossible, you know" says Roderick--"we never knew his range of abilities because of his odd birthing--" and I am taken into a brief instant of in-memory, seeing an ankh appear after Atara and Angra's death, a symbol of an earthbound friend--and I look again to Danielle. "You did not answer me-" But it is Roderick who responds, "When Garael attempted his entrance onto this plane he had to exchange energies to maintain the balance in the Abyss--lest waves of non-being, literally, nothing, an absence of process, sweep out from it--he chose to send Danielle. It could have been Jarane or myself--into the void he left-" "Why not Cymynal?" comes from Breane, and my brother looks very, very puzzled--"I do not know"-- and that same sense of absentmindedness seems to come over Roderick again--then, abruptly, it is gone and he is asking me "What do you suppose Ketain's return means?" and I shake my head at him as the dream ends
Dream--05/18/83
Eden, Valadan, Mandragoras and I have returned to the time where Mandragoras and I had ended once - in a city-sleeve of humanity towering miles in the sky. There is an odd humming to all around us and the rock music blares all about us. We have left Shannon in Illurion's care and left doubts far behind us. Eden is dressed in black with silver collar and silver wristlets. Valadan is in purplish silk pants and a leather vest, barefoot, with a sword slung across his shoulders. Manny is in his stars and moons robe, but opened, and he wears a crimson silk shirt and black pants. I am in white shirt, black leggings. In this city we met the granddaughter 1500 times removed of Mandrake and Circe, and we seek her now. Down the winding laticework of walkways we descend, and as we near our destination, Dedsai Carnino steps forth from the air. "You assume great risk" are her first words - then - "Come" and the pocket of air envelops us and we are a beat out of space, seeing where we had just been as if reflected in funhouse mirrors, but separated. Dedsai leads us down a silver corridor, then into a small chamber. As soon as we are inside I am amazed at its decor; it is an exact replica of Don and Jody's Charles Street apartment, save that it is all in mystic decor - no bed nor creature comforts. A magician's cell, is my first thought. "This is my work space," Dedsai speaks. "I cannot work in Farel" realizing that she refers to the massed humanity of the Tower, and that the Tower is called Farel. "What is Farel?" comes from Valadan. "It is a crossroads place, dimensions meet within it and swirl away. It is a hop-spot; the tracers mark it and skip and traders hold bizaars." Only about a half of her words have meaning for us, but Farel is some sort of marketplace. Eden asks after her work. "Gig? - Oh, I am a holder" and an odd prickling chills me. Our perplexed expressions are obvious, and Dedsai adds "I sing barowan, through the midnight waters." Our quiet deepens and my disquiet achieves a name - adab - a demanding memory - abut no gears mesh and I am without the knowledge yet. I touch Dedsai's forehead with my own and feel the impulses of soul racing. Farel is as she said, a transfer port, and she is a "holder," mystics who balance the elements of transferring beings so that they are not re-integrated as something other than their origin. I step back and ask her why she'd duplicated her ancestors' dwelling. "I have not; this is their dwelling" and as her words end Don and Jody emerge into the chamber from the silver corridor as the dream ends.Dream--05/18/83
In a room fifty thousand years old, tea is shared by seven, in ornate mugs and cups. "How did you bring this about?" my words directed at Don. His eyebrows bunch. "I had a dream, completely about Ch'lari, with no other referent-" I am taken aback; there had been no prior intimation of dream cross-over here - "in which he was called "first-to-swim" and his weir form was that of a greatly mutated fish - it does explain his lidless eyes." I nod. "And in the dream, Ch'lari had just been exiled by Cinemgra into a grim universe where a primitive violence was in each person's genes. Ch'lari mastered it and left his mark on it by capturing the process and assuring a type of servitude on the part of its inhabitants. He - I - killed several leaders who attempted to stop me and kidnapped a woman to become my queen." Jody looks distinctly uncomfortable, then busies herself in conversation with Eden and Mandragoras. Valadan is dancing with Dedsai to a tango. "Her name was Ciras-" and I start - the demanding memory from before now fleshed, "and you took her on Barrelhouse" - my words, and it is Don's turn to stare. "You were there?" "No - I - go on." "We were in Barrelhouse on Abarc-on-Liss, when I took Ciras, and we combed the dimensions for a portal world; and I created Farel as a sanctuary, a sheath for this chamber, sure that none could find it. Ciras gave birth to Dedsai, and died in the aftermath - a bleeder." I nod, touch his shoulder. "Then Dedsai is your daughter, and "holds" the power of water." Don looks up. "How? How did you ...?" "Because I have met one who "held" the powers of earth, albeit unknowing-" His eyebrows raise - "What have we gotten into?" I shake my head. "Obviously, this place exists in many times - dimensions - somehow a being from Ch'lari's exile desired to save Ciras from you, and instead of reaching Ch'lari, he reached Dragonstar. "And?" "And gave some measure of power to the child you and Jody will have." He is shocked. "Then - not a dream?" I shake my head. "Not unless these are phantom toys," and produce eight red ringlet and two of black leather from my shirt. Don looks at them, covers his eyes with one arm. "In my dream, Ciras was another of Jody's selves - that was why I kidnapped her, and her lover at the time wore those rings." He looks up at me. "What is going on here?" and I say, "Unless I'm very wrong, all of our dreams twist in upon the others - and where these boundaries decay, there are bleed-throughs - crossovers - destiny's threads knotting, perhaps?" I stand and sweep my hands through the room. "All of this - still just an attempt to structure these processes and mute truth's impact!" I raise my hands above my head and channel my spirit into me and - I am Shardow, just that simply. And we stand, not in the chamber of our beginning, but in Sanctuary, a 5-sided mirror, blue carpet - mahagony. I smile and turn to Roderick. "You see?" His eyes, downcast, look up to me. "I am truly tired of the endlessness of it all-" "Choices were foresworn us long ago, brother." My words are harsh. Behind us, the others within Farel have been swept here too. Jody is Ceirus, Eden is Breane - and three new allies to this frame look astounded. Their forms have altered but slightly. Valadan, still in his garb, save that there are circlets of many hues hung on a black sash at his waist. Mandragoras, whose only change was to include a design on his robe, a six pointed star within a five pointed star, black within white. Valadan is called Gareth and a tattoo (?) of a curled Dragon is on his right arm. Mandragoras is called Talim the Hsussenyi, but Dedsai is herself, whole and complete. She is garbed in green leotards and a silver cape, and her face replicas Ch'lari, thick eyebrows, high cheek bones, black black hair. Clearly in charge, she asks of her father, "What is your task? in sharp, clipped tones. "Why have you called upon the Luminet Mosaic?" Roderick begins to respond, detailing the possible threat of Rejc Ketain and of the Dragon Garael - when, at Ketain's name - Dedsai says, "No!" Ceirus asks what's wrong. "The Luminet Mosaic, holders of elements, are four - our fourth member is a blonde youth whose name is Shal Ketain." And we are left to ponder this revelation as the dream ends.Dream--05/19/83
Breane and Roderick have brought us to Amaka intact to pore over our latest ventures. The members of the Luminet Mosaic are with us, Gareth, Talim the Hsussenyi and Dedsai - Ceirus, Jarane, Cymynal, Danielle and myself. We meet in a room of hanging plants, where the earth is soft grasses and there are gates at the four walls. Talim is in meditative pose, lying prone in levitation. Gareth is amusing Jarane and Cymynal with acrobatic stunts - a quiet time; a lull, my cynical mind mocks, before cataclysm. Ceirus avoids Dedsai, another daughter of a distant self, and the younger woman marks it, in a silent way. "Tell us of Shal Ketain." Danielle's voice. "What is his background?" Dedsai spreads her hands. "On my earth removed from your own, there was a conflagration of souls - an alien entity called Mrinalinth, a composite being of a billion souls, which held thoughts of subjugating our existence. Farel was an entrance point for it, and as it turned out, its weakness. The Holders bonded and threw its balance awry, so that its energies dissipated. Our bonding was orchestrated by a muse of power whose son is Shal Ketain." "Gods!" comes from Breane. "What can he possibly want?" comes from Roderick. "If he can wield all that -" "There is more-" her voice drops low, "I am betrothed to Shal Ketain, the result of bargain cast-" "Where is your betrothed?" from Ceirus. "With his father..." "And isn't that marvelous?!" I note sarcastically. "You judge me so harshly, young master" comes the voice. Inside the east gate stands Rejc Ketain and then, a blonde youth with slightly elfin features appears beside him. "Shal!" comes from Dedsai. "What do you wish here?" from Breane. "This is Amaka, sacred place," her voice is strong and angry. "I don't give a damn about your wishes - I want to know how it is you still are alive," my voice ripples thru the room. "Because Jedric sent me to the universe in the Abyss - it was a borning place yet and energies within healed, very slowly, my wounds. Jedric recognized me - even as his Lippin found my heart, and saw the living paradox I represent." "What paradox?" comes from Roderick. "Oh - that's rich! - that you should ask that question. "Why?" my brother's voice arcs high. "You, Dragonspawn, died! Died even as a spark from without rent asunder the Dragon's abode - died when your soul was taken by Kazijilian and Jedric and split - died and was reborn, a vessel containing essence of the Dragon. Well, damn you Roderick-Engl-Aradi! Jedric's action filled me with a tap into that power - that identity; I live because you live -- we are sharing a Dragon's soul!" And all of us reel from his words as he what? - transforms, transfers us out from Amaka, into a misty, fog-shrouded land, lush plants and the like. We land tumbling and I pull Revenant to be prepared - but there was no preparation at all for a gleaming castle: the Castle of Thorns, and its iron gates open as if to swallow us. "Somehow, I doubt that this is Kansas, Toto" irreverantly burbles from Talim as the dream ends.