1983 - Part II Dream--03/29/83
"Battle for all there is and battle be no more than pause, a fleck of resistance 'gainst onrushing fate," words of my teacher long ago - and yet I dedicated myself to war against the evil ones, best represented by those foes now arrayed against us. Amidst now a madness which would consume all and leave Naome Kazijilian in charge, we battle and hope that we are not too late. Before me, I can sense the tremendous drain of energy that maintaining our barrier takes from Roderick; I can feel the drain within myself. I call to Breane and tell her of Anatana's transformation. She and Cymynal will go to aid and I give them Moodoom for that mystic rite. I turn to battles yet raging. Thule fights Danielle silently; he says not one word, but continues a constant, probing assault. He is unaware of my presence as I pop into his frame. Non-plused, he turns his attack and Danielle, ruthlessness intact, attacks in turn. Seeing her energies resplendent, in her element, I am both pleased and wary that Corolis healed mystic wounds. She cages Thule, and together we send him to Tantyn, imprisoned with Majka and Cerridu. Below us, Breane and Cymynal have succeeded in binding Ceycirie, triggering ultimately her transformation into Ceirus. But I know, even as this is done, that the blade will exact a price from the Living Templar. I feel in many places at once - time an open book largely uncharted. I draw on the energies of Sanctuary, of Tantyn's strong hostess, and of a seed in Aliana-Beveth's earth, and strengthen the energy of the barrier we constructed. Above me Kazijilian curses as he sees the barrier once more solid. Roderick and Cinemgra are engaged in ruthless deathbattle. He is on the defensive and the redskinned one gives no evidence of weakening. Her visage is cold, as if playing a chess game in which she is three moves up on her opponent. She feints a spell, then two, then four, making always her bold moves and as Roderick, new powers (old ones?) ascendent, counters each, she prepares for more of which all hold death. Roderick's sceptre at his waist glows - and the Dragon on his chest glows silvery. He chants, unintelligible at this range, and sends a cone of energy to disperse about Cinemgra. As he does so, Breane is in my mind "Shardow, it is over" and Ceirus is transported abruptly into the scene. Cinemgra looks at her, says "You! You cannot be - then Morodorom sanctified-" and Ceirus erupts blue fire at her. Cinemgra counters, moving up into her shield, but Roderick foresaw the moment. "By the power of the Dragon, by the binding spell and rune, by the endless wave of magick and by the passion of the moon, I Roderick, named also in a hundred planes, do thee banish for'ere and there forever to remain," and the cone which had dispersed now is called in - swirling energies ripple and curl and Cinemgra is swept up within it, and faster it spins, flinging her being abruptly apart, dispersed to an infinite fate. My brother looks at me and at Breane and Ceirus and Danielle below us. "One final battle" his words. We leave the others and flash to where Jedric and Kazijilian are engaged. "Mortal fools - you have now met death," and a raking spell belmishes the scene and our countenances. Jedric seems subdued and waiting. "You-" at me "don't have that cursed blade with you now - you will pay!" And he erupts at me. I phase out and back in - the cornered animal. Kazijilian turns and with a wave of his hand brings Danielle, Cymynal, Jarane, Breane and Ceirus onto this plane, drifting high as the winds can carry. "I can bring Ceycirie back with a word!" he curses, and I take up the challenge. "If you do that, then, too, my "cursed blade" shall be and you've only one more hand to lose-" Kazijilian hesitates and in that hestitation Jedric strikes. His body meets with Kazijilian's and a grim battle begins, darkness and crystal, both evenly matched in their essence. A glimmering touches my awareness. "Roderick, the sceptre-" I hiss at him. And Roderick takes the sceptre and hurls it at the pair; as it strikes, my eyes so tuned to time phase, there is a flash. I see the sceptre emit rays of unknown frequency, bathing the scene in an unnatural aura. Kazijilian screams and Jedric grips him tighter, silently, to its end. Reduced to their essences, then as once before in antiquity, co-mingled - then, as the effect fades, so too, without echo, do they. All of us are shaken - our foeman and our friend, born in cauldron's circumstance, are both gone. I feel a hand on my arm - Roderick - "Did you see it?" he asks. I nod. Ceirus is crying, for part of her has lost a son, in part. Roderick goes to her, they are at peace at last. Breane and Cymynal prepare to 'port us to Tantyn, there to secure the peace. We arrive in the crystalline city, and are met by the enigmatic woman who told us the city's name. "You have done well-" her voice has more assurance than before, as tho a part of her identity had been regained. "Who are you?" Cymynal asks. "Look into yourselves" comes the reply. I laugh, for I have unlocked that Key - "You are the other Adrionna Keep, created just as Kazijilian was created!!" She smiles, and Breane chimes in, "Then you saved your duplicate's life-" and Danielle, caught wholly unaware, " and saw to it that Jedric was born here to the Meti-Circle" - and Roderick, "and implored your "sister" to grant us her energies." The pieces slide, interlocking, into place. "There is still the price" this mysterious woman adds. "Which of you will join my sister in the Darktower with Osana Daoume?" None of us are eager to take that step; then a voice from deep within the the crystal city's heart booms "I shall" - and before us then stands Adia "join Adrionna Keep, for there is much we can teach each other." A great weight, a great burden, has lifted. Time has slowed and move into the center of the crystal city Tantyn amidst thousands of musical spheres as the dream ends.
Dream--04/06/83
Red sands at dawn - Aliana-Beveth, and Breane and I, for once away from all others, sit looking out to sea. At the point where the sands begin, the seed planted from the Tree of All Realities sprouts and from it a plant of golden limbs grows. Her head rests 'gainst my arm and without the strife I feel at peace, at home. "Was it worth it?" she 'paths to me - and I am caught looking back on our long quest. We had sat about an oval table in Tantyn and toasted a goddess imprisoned in a tower of her own choosing, then toasted her sister, who finally chose her name - Norami Guild - and celebration reigned for a time. In my mind's eye I heard my words: "Not to throw a pall, I still have questions..." and laughter met my words. Roderick, in Engl form, held his black sceptre high and spoke. "This Key has brought about many things; perhaps it can answer you - what is it you wish?" "The riddle of Gideon?" - and a silence fell over the table. Ceirus took Roderick's arm and Norami Guild looked at Adia. The mistress of the circle cast her eyes to the ceiling, then crisply spoke: "Whatever powers exist have duality of some sort - what is one frame of those powers has an analog in another. Erante was a created reality by both Reyner and Gunther. When Lendoric died and Reyner began his great scheme, it was decided to imprison Morodorom and block O'Silimilon's rise to power. Gunther threw in with Reyner and they faked his death to make her more vulnerable. Then to act as a backup, the two created Erante, where Gunther ruled as Gideon. Morgan and Estebast were told of this and Gideon helped in forming the Middlemasters." "Then all our journeys ultimately would bring us to face the C'Milic" - from Engl. Adia nods. "Even without the threat of Kazijilian, Reyner had come aware that Shardow's abilities and Roderick's knowledge could threaten their rule.." "And they came aware of Roderick through Cinemgra's teaching his Ch'lari self," comes from Breane. Adia nods once more. And the in-memory ends, and Breane's hands encircle mine. "What will we do now?" she asks. I stand. I am in my regular garb, but Breane wears a one piece black jumpsuit type of affair. "There is place for which all battle started -- perhaps it could better use that Tree," I point to the golden-limbed plant continuing its rapid growth. "Do you think my brother wants to go with us?" and Roderick is in my mind as always, saying, "Of course, and we shall travel to the center of the Abyss for its planting" and I smile and sweep us into Adoraco Lief as the dream ends.
Dream--04/08/83
"I've long wanted to look out upon the Abyss." The voice is low-pitched, even for Roderick, in Engl form he chose for his first sight of a universe a-birthing. Ceirus, Breane, Danielle, Jarane and Cymynal are with us. The stars coming into being flare before us. We are in Amaka, in the room of maps and the scene holographed all about us is the scene that Danielle and I had once gazed upon in reality. At the edge of awarenesses where our individual forms have come to encompass many different paths of selves. Engl's awe, to one degree or another, is reflected in each of us. And as I gaze around, I can note differences. My brother is dressed in purple and silver, and his open shirt reveals the silver outline of a Dragon on his chest. Ceirus is in all whites and her hair, a coppery red color, is held by a set of golden combs. Around her neck is a skull ring on a cord and her hands glow softwhite. Breane is in her homeform, black hair, olive skin with a hint of blue suffusing. She is dressed in white enamel armor and her flamemetal sword is on a red sash. Danielle is in her Leahan aspect, tall and somber, dressed in a solemn blue robe; her hands disappear in its folds. Jarane has a small crinkly field of energy about his missing arm, and I know this accents the healing. He is dressed in greens and golds. Cymynal, in the lightest blue, has cut her hair short short - it accents her sharp jaw and her hair is still red, is now hinting of burgundy. She holds Engl's black sceptre. And I am in reds and browns and golds - my hair at last tied back with a circlet forming a ponytail and my beard trimmed. Revenant is in a silver shouldersheath and I wear a small prism about my neck. Behind us the device projecting the birthing universe hums. "We should go soon," I say - and Engl nods. "We know little of what the Abyss contains - even in the writings of dimensional magicians, they only hint at its fabric, its meaning..." Cymynal withdraws from us and is obviously apart. Breane motions to me and I adress this. "You are separating from us?" Cymynal looks up at me and the others turn to follow the conversation. "I can't go into the Abyss - my abilities are taken from it and the further I would go into it, the less control I would have of them.' Roderick - "but dear, you would gain still more of those abilities." "To what end, if I lose rein of them?" We are silent. Ceirus drapes an arm over her daughter's shoulder. "He is right - you must not limit yourself. If the Abyss and the universe within it hold the source of you, then you will sooner or later face it and overcome it or be overcome by it." She is silent. Jarane takes Cymynal's other hand - and the girl nods assent. Breane and I flash to Aliana-Beveth and scoop the Tree up and "tag" it in a space to follow - and Engl and I prepare factors for shifting into the Abyss as the dream ends.
Dream--04/18/83
Breane: "My name meant 'fire' in my people's tongue, as yours was 'silence' - the greatest pow'r - in yours." I hear her words soothe me as we are buffeted by the Dawn. In this borning land, coalescing out of the stuff of time & space, here in the Abyss. We move towards the center; we are all somewhat spaced. Amber webs of light surround, contract and expand about us. Flashes of rainbow lightning illumine the darkness and odd glimmerings of existence, cells, patterns, glow before us. There is a negative imaging, photonegatives of What-Is and What-Is-Not. Reality contends with its opposite and sweeps all before it. There is a sensation of vastness, unlike any before felt. We are motes and cosmic congelation dwarfs us. Roderick shifts, shifts again to try to compensate for these massive explosions of life, to protect us and shield us from its brilliance. There is no sound, just an arcing of energies flaring into light, into dark light then - a strobe effect ensues and ever so gently I try to shift time. There is a slight give and I can sense that this birthing universe is without duration, that this "show" could go on for millions of years. Roderick looks at me and I recognize he senses this, too. He nods and I push harder, push us through creation's moment, thru the veils of almost-being and we can see galaxies, then spirals, then gases, then stars, then planets form. Behind me, at the edge of my vision I can see the awe on Ceirus' face, on Cymynal's - there is a rushing in, then, as though the final pieces of a pattern were engaged and started life rocketing into being. Winds arise and Roderick, high above us, brings us to land. Danielle reaches to a newly formed sphere and plucks a tiny one-celled creature about an inch across. She looks at us and there is the strangest expression in her eyes. "What is it?" I demand. "This is life's first borning..." and her eyes mist. There is a huge thunderclap as whatever cosmic forces are nascent fall into place. For an instant, there is total blackness, then light suffuses the scene. Roderick says, "We are here - the center of the Abyss - all transformations are here" and Breane and I materialize the seedling plant taken from a Tree of Life a universe removed. Breane bespeaks words of an ancient ritual: "Touch is change - change us by that touch - sprout forth Tree of Awakening, for herein lie many new Paths," as I plant it in the earth. As I do so, a shimmering quality infuses the plant, as tho it were drinking in this new universe's flavour. Ceirus smiles at Breane: "You bear a child within" and Breane nods - and I am flush of more meaning here as many levels come to a head and the dream ends.
Dream--04/19/83
A beat removed from this dawning world, and part of my awareness is separated - probing - before my eyes in real time, Engl holds a triangular-shaped prism. He is using it to gauge energies within this frame. "The Abyss is many things,' old teacher Reyner's words in my memory. "It is living process, holding in its fabric beginnings and endings - all of existence's many folds." How old was I then, tiny trappings of memory long departed. Engl attunes the prism, then sets it to spinning in the air. It attracts motes of energy and stores them in some manner for future recall. "You have never been here before?" I ask - and Roderick's voice responds "Long, long ago, as I studied with Cinemgra, I demanded she show the Abyss to me - I was determined to master it, make it conform to my version of the Tree. My system required a transcendence through the Abyss and I saw it as a state of being more than a physical one-" his eyes cloud. "In Dunevan there existed a room that opened onto here; as Ch'lari I challenged Cinemgra to test me in the Abyss. When we phased through Dunevan to arrive at the room, she laughed and said that my Dragon holds truth for me but no other - that its truth created a demon in me, forever masking, and that no one could pierce the masks. And at that point she threw open a curtain that covered the doorway into the Abyss, and I looked out and saw an insubstantial Dragon encircling it. In the center of the scene, I saw my past unfold" Roderick's voice quiets, he looks at me and past me, to where Ceirus stands, one hand over her mouth and looking back at me. One of his hand trembles, "What did you see?" - the voice is Ceirus'. "That I am not like you, that I have never shared humanity - that I am, in a real sense, the son of the Dragon - and that I must forever be blessed and cursed with that state." The others have joined us, Danielle is nodding sadly, saying, "it what a part of me tried to keep from you - that despite our soulsharing of long ago, you are not human - you are more of a concept than any other thing. All the universe have beings which link to the ultimate symbol for that universe - the C'Milic were that - and you, you hold in you the Dragon - forever alone, forever seeking that which is barred to you - you quest for the questing." We are silent. Ceirus cries silently and Breane's hand finds my own. If Roderick were not Roderick, now would I sense the tears flowing; but his face is impassive - and suddenly there is a booming thunderous voice in all our heads: "You seek the pow'r of your past, the knowledge of your beginnings! Very well! You SHALL meet your father - I hope you survive the meeting!" and a rush of air and Engl is gone! His triangular prism remains locked to his energies, tho, and Breane and I prepare to follow as the dream ends.
Dream--04/21/83
Pulsing in this Abyss' universe is shaded different than in others. Here there is massive resistance, swimming thru molasses. In our minds' eyes we can "see" Engl far ahead of us, being swept thru transport much more readily than we can pursue. Breane: "I urge caution, my love, laws here are very - disjoint." As if to punctuate that, there is a flaring burst of light before us and a mirror effect ensues - replicated down the corridors of our travel are a doble-dozen Engls. "Which is real?" comes from Ceirus - and the same booming quality voice hits us - "Why, ALL of them are real! Each, the same. In finding him, you'll still lose him!" And with that we are separated - six motes of will adrift against this vast sea - and we "see" in our minds six separate Engl Hurats on a wheel; each contains four aspects, each a journey. "No!" comes from Ceirus, above, behind on my left - and her Engl vanishes into an eye which appears from a limbo. I see her form a doorway and burst thru it, vanished from sight. "Let me see - on the first day, I'll create a universe" comes the voice. "And populate it with demons!" and a host of reptilian beings pursue where Ceirus left this frame. I begin to follow, then see "my" Engl standing before me. "Libriet vox fasson, O'Silimilon, umbla fode" and light becomes weapons targetted at me. I parry them, stepping with some effort into time and find there a diaphanous black Dragon towering twenty meters above me. "You seek my son, even when you know that I am the object of his seeking?" "Why this byplay?" my words sound hollow. "Grounded in Time, for I am Time's father as well, you would ask me of my motives - presumption, still!" "Yours is not the voice without," my words curl. "I am the silence within." And with that the Dragon vanishes and takes me with it. As we travel, I can touch the others. Breane has bound her Engl to a branch of a tree with her flamesword, locking his hands behind him. Jarane duels his father above an icy plain. Cymynal, laughing, has enveloped her Engl in gauzy veils, which are obviously more than gauze. Danielle has drawn her sword, never seen, a silver blade whose hilt sheathes her arm to elbow and she has driven Engl to a precipice above a sea and is poised to force his fall. Ceirus has pursued her Engl into the limbo realm and there, and there and there, the demons had cornered both. None of this is real, I suddenly recognize. "Oh but it is real, as real as your pursuit of one is who is truly your brother" comes the booming voice again. And before me is a two-legged Dragon, without wings, glowing silvery in the light - and a room forms about us and suspended above me, above a brazier in which burns fiery coals, is Roderick. I send a muted call to Breane - and the being before me dissolves Roderick's bonds and he is plunged into the brazier. "He sought his life's source and his truest being - he is my son - he is mine as you are mine!" and octogons of silver colour pulse towards me. I shift, and again, into time, the black Dragon awaits. It has brought the others here as well. "Where are we?" comes from Danielle. "You are in the Abyss" comes the obvious response, "where your confrontations are useless and your magicks ungrounded." "Where is Engl?" comes from Ceirus, and in her voice I hear dismay. "Who are you?" is Breane's question. "I am the Dragon - Beche is my leaning-" and a singsong quality follows: "In the beginning was a fluted song, 'midst All's dawning, and so I was replicated to know and know again all souls of my perch - and from without came the spark which forever bound me to Time, while the Black One cannot reach here. Divided we stand, poised in the Abyss, and corruption rushes in to fill love's void-" None of us grasp meaning in this - and Cymynal suddenly screams, tears at her temples. "Oh no-no-no- He is broken - broken!" and at her words, Engl tumbles into this frame, battered and with his garments singed. I catch him in my arms and Breane is comforting Cymynal. His eyes open and in them is resignation. "What?..." comes from me. "The Dragon - the forces have been rent asunder - our coming precipitates this-" and he passes out and above us a dark, airy symbol Dragon, cries unfelt tears as the dream ends.
Dream--04/25/83
In the Void - perception is warping, confounding our sense of "here" snd "there" and as we hover about Engl the black, transparent Dragon envelops the scene. "What is it?" Ceirus' voice - anxious. Engl's face blurs, then shifts into subatomic pattern shifts - he is presented as tho his very self was being swept through an array of selves. There is an Egyptian, a lord of transport, who projected his thoughts here; there is a red-haired woman with a nasal voice, preaching at a young girl; there is a tall aquiline man, laughing insanely while in "his" background there are people being crucified; a black man called SaKadi'th, communing with dark gods, dreaming of a universal death; finally, finally shifting through Roderick and the others to Engl. "Father," from Jarane, a pained voice - and we can see that Jarane, too, on a slightly less intense scale, has had an array of patterned selves infuse him - images never before seen: an insectoid creature feasting on soft-furred beings; a giant of rockflesh; a woman who arms were four tentacles coiled, slick with sweat. Ceirus clings to him. "What happened?" His eyes are inward turned. Danielle hestiates, then responds: "He has sought his source, and finding it, has been bound to it" - and the dark Dragon Beche coalesces again into visible form. "What does this mean? How has our coming caused this?" I ask. "Your travel here did not bring this state about - your coming, your" I can sense her (this Dragon embodies a feminine quality) seeking after appropriate phrasing "your manifesting - steming from the spark without - prevents our oneness." "Whose?" comes from Breane. "The Black One and my own." "You are the Black One," I break in. "No!" the telepathic voice is tremulous. "I am Beche - I - glow - glowing, living!" and Danielle nods in understanding. "Who is the other one?" she asks. "Garael - the black part of me - of us-" and abruptly breaks into singsong once more "incomplete - oh - and yearning, yearning for those within I am - we - you!" and again, only this time softer, less violating, Danielle is shifted through, sifted through layers of soul - a desert scene where tiny beings hop across dunes, and a spirit of the place encompasses; a man who's studies breach "inviolate" law; a girl crying in a cabin in a forest's center; and sweep into Danielle - and then she is entranced. We gather around her and Engl, nearly himself once more, questions "What happened, Dragon-" and he shifts into Honekian - "drigkana llir unveil, voxe riyin Danielle, cha Engl, numerak fuson" and Danielle responds- "The Spark Without burst within and the perch was shattered - the beings formed of beings without and Garaelbeche dispatched part to pioneer in the land of Europa - but-" a sob, almost, escaped "that part was taken by the forces on its way and split - ah, the agony - and tore a space with Garaelbeche for two where there had been one." A long pause - I look at Engl. He has composed himself, and in his eyes I see hidden mystery. Then the "possession" of Danielle ends with intense awareness. I can sense this Beche assuming entry. Breane looks at me - and gasps. But from within I am touched only briefly. "NO!" comes the Voice. "You are not of Garaelbeche!" and the entity leaves me. I ask Breane what she saw; she takes my face in her hands. "I saw you as a fiery bird, phoenix-like but with other shapes too." She breaks off and away from me. "You were the Silence, the ending and what stands past ending - another beginning." Behind us Engl again questions "What does Garael want?" addressed to the hovering Dragon form. "Garael seeks release from the Abyss' confinement - no longer content within - and the spark from without has given him the way-" and about us a swirling maelstrom of awesome energies begin as the dream ends.
Dream--04/30/83
There is a latticework of girders rising into the sky - Eden and I are climbing them slowly. I am loath to look down because of the height. There is a grey mist and fog over the scene. We are climbing so that we may look out over this strange city we have come to. The air is heavy and the smell of sulphur is everywhere. There are other people climbing too, but recognition is missing. Nothing is heard but the sounds of exertion as we pull ourselves up, one girder, one pipe at a time. Eden wants to stop for a cigarette and I say "No - the fever prevents that - it will hurt you," and she grows silent and looks away, angry. We reach a level where a metallic floor has been set up, almost a scaffold. Standing upon it is a being of indeterminate age. He has brown hair and wears a futuristic outfit, one piece jumpsuit-like, all in silver. Around his waist is a red belt, matching his red headband. "A little farther" are his words - and he metamorphoses into Terry Haney. He reaches his hand out and Eden grasps it. She stumbles coming to her feet but the figure steadies her. I clamber up and ask what's going on - and he points to the center of the city, where we can see a black circle. "Mandrake has begun" he says, and he produces a circlet of copper which hums, then shows us the scene. Dragonstar Circle - and one or two others I've never seen - is meeting. They are passing a joint around and Don's eyes are fire-lit. He chants, "On this my day of pow'r, let the Dragon seek its way and grace us with a child born, and fuse him with our Circle's strength, hold darker ones at bay as his name invokes the storm" and Jody is with child, and I recognize that they are doing a consecration ritual. And suddenly, bursting in, a robed being in a black hood curses, "Nevermore to be denied, you shall HAVE your line, but know he will be mismatched, for his pow'r will not be thine!" And the cauldron in Circle's center, ribboned with Beltane frills, explodes and scatters debris everywhere. When it has all calmed, all present stand and walk about as if nothing had occurred. "What?" comes from Eden, and I say, "Quickly, we must try to gain knowledge of that being!" She nods, but says, "I'm going to try to negate his spell." I shrug and say, "I'll see you later" and plunge off the latticework and vanish as the dream ends.