AS THE YARN SPLITS
by Kevin Hoffman
CAST
Dr. Hook (aka Scott Hartman) ... Kevin Hoffman
Grace Hartman ... Connie Hoffman
Anne Lincoln ... Ellen Fentress
JoAnn Fillmore ... Lori Jerome
---
(Scene opens into a smokey, seedy bar. The patrons are all
shady looking characters, with the exception of Dr. Hook, dressed
in a black tux at the bar.)
Dr. Hook (thinking to himself)
I've got to get that skein of yellow yarn back. The fools who've
taken it from me have no idea the secrets that it can unlock!
(Scene fades out with Dr. Hook gulping down another bottle of Ginger Ale)
---
(Scene opens at Anne Lincoln's country estate in Springfield)
JoAnn
Look, Anne, You've got to give that skein of yarn back!
Anne (holding the skein of yellow worsted behind her back in one hand , trembling)
What would a guy want with a skein of yarn, anyway?!?
JoAnn (looking furious)
It doesn't matter. My employer is prepared to pay you an enormous finder's
fee for that skein of yellow yarn.
Anne (frightened)
Your boss has enough money to buy a whole store of yarn! Why this skein, huh?
JoAnn (officious, irritated)
I'm not at liberty to discuss that information. Dr. Hook has made you an
offer he thinks you'd be foolish to refuse.
Anne (scared, stalling)
Just who is this Dr. Hook guy anyway? Why won't he come and take the skein from me
in person?
JoAnn
I can't answer that
Anne (turning to leave)
Then if this Dr. Hook wants my yarn he's gonna have to come get it himself!
Anne (thinking to herself)
I've got to find someplace to hide where Dr. Hook won't find me! I'll go get
my daughter's car so he won't recognize it and then leave!
(Scene fades out)
---
(Scene opens into the home of Dr. Hook, a huge mansion hidden somewhere in Oregon)
Dr. Hook (his New York accent prominent)
I can't take it anymore. That bumbling woman has ruined all of my plans! She's going
to use that precious skein in her pathetic cause, leaving me without the secrets
I've spent my life looking for!
Grace
What are you going to do about it, Scott? You can't let her win, not now after
you've spent your whole life looking for that skein.
Dr. Hook
I've sent JoAnn to make her an offer she can't refuse. She'll take the money
and we'll have the skein back.
Grace
How do you know she'll take the money? She's refused your bribes before.
Dr. Hook (smiling victoriously)
I've got a back-up plan.
(Scene ends abruptly)
---
(Scene opens in the back room of the seedy bar)
Villain
The doc said to take 'er out quick. No fuss no muss.
Villain 2
Yeah, but the doc ain't here. He won't care how we do it, so long
as we get 'dat ball of thread she's got.
Villain
Yarn.
Villain 2
Whatever.
(Scene ends)
---
(Scene opens at Anne's Home)
(Anne unlocks her door and steps inside, unaware that there are men in black
ski masks waiting pressed against her front wall)
(Anne steps inside and fumbles in her purse for something)
Villain
Gotcha lady!
(Anne spins to be confronted by her attackers)
Anne (screaming) What're you doing in my house? What do you want?
(Villains close in on her, but are so confident they don't seem to
be in any hurry)
Villain
We want the yarn, lady. The yellow stuff.
Anne (shock, surprise, fear)
The yellow yarn!? I can't believe this! He sends a bunch of thugs to break
into my house to steal a two dollar ball of yarn!
(Villains brandish weapons in their belts)
Villain 2
Listen lady, if you don't cough up that thread, we're gonna get violent.
(Anne considers with a fearful look on her face. She turns from villain to villain,
then sighs and starts for a closet in her hallway)
Anne
Its yarn, and its in here.
Villain 2
Whatever.
(Anne shuffles through a bag of yarn. Viewers see a dozen or more skeins of identical
yellow yarn. She makes a visible effort of sorting through them and appears to
find the right one.)
Anne (angrily stuffing the yarn into the free hand of the nearest villain)
Here, this is it!
(Villain approaches from the other side, coming around behind Anne)
Villain 2
Thanks so much lady. You've been such a big help.
(Villain hits Anne in the back of the head with a pipe. She crumples to the
floor, unconscious)
(Scene ends as Villain 2 flips open a cell phone and starts dialing)
---
(Scene opens in Scott Hartman (Dr. Hook)'s study)
Dr. Hook (hanging up a cell phone)
Its done.
Grace (surprise and joy)
You've got the skein?!?
Dr. Hook
Yes, it is in the possession of one of my ... assistants.
Grace (disapproval)
You're trusting something as valuable to you as that skein to an
assistant?
Dr. Hook
He has been reliable in the past. He knows he'll be paid well if he
succeeds.
Grace
And I trust he knows what will happen if he fails?
Dr. Hook
He does indeed.
(scene ends)
---
(Scene opens in a hidden room somewhere in Dr. Hook's mansion)
Dr. Hook (now doing a pretty good job of suppressing the New York accent)
I trust you have the item I requested?
Villain 2
I do boss.
(Villain 2 hands over the skein of yarn.
Dr. Hook (very happy, smiling victoriously)
At last! I've got the pattern!
Villain 2
Pattern?
Dr. Hook (scowling degradingly at Villain 2)
Of course you simpleton, did you really think the yarn itself was
of any interest to me?!
(Dr. Hook yanks the yarn free of the pattern packaging, tossing the strands
of yellow to the damp, concrete floor)
(Dr. Hook peers intently at the pattern, reading it)
Dr. Hook (incredulous, heavy New York accent)
Slippers?!?! SLIPPERS?!?!? THE PATTERN IS FOR SLIPPERS?!?!?!
(Dr. Hook slams a closed fist onto a table nearby, breaking the top
in two)
Dr. Hook (regaining composure, glaring at Villain 2)
You managed to get the wrong pattern? After all these years of searching for
this pattern, you let her give you the wrong one?!
Villain 2 (stammering, sweating, very afraid)
Well, sir, uh, she said she had it in the closet, and er, uh...
Dr. Hook
Well, at least you disposed of the body so she is no threat to me.
(Villain 2 remains silent, looking at the floor)
Dr. Hook (growing angry)
You did dispose of the body, didn't you?
Villain 2
Well, you see, its like this, sir, um, uh... she gave us the yarn
so I just hit her with the gun, knocked her out, you know.
Dr. Hook (remarkably calm)
You've failed me. Do you know what the penalty for failure is?
(Villain 2 wipes sweat from his forehead and nods slowly)
(The scene goes black and ends with the sound of a gunshot)
... TO BE CONTNUED ...
AS THE YARN SPLITS
Episode II: The Phantom Menace (no, its not a prequel!)
by Kevin Hoffman
CAST
Dr. Hook (aka Scott Hartman) ... Kevin Hoffman
Grace Hartman ... Connie Hoffman
Anne Lincoln ... Ellen Fentress
JoAnn Fillmore ... Lori Jerome
-------
(Scene opens in an airport, Anne Lincoln is standing in line holding
a ticket waiting to check her baggage. She unconsciously rubs the back
of her head.)
(Anne looks up at the departures board, noting with special interest a
flight leaving for Los Angeles at 3:15. She checks her watch, noting the
time of 2:45pm. She starts fidgeting nervously)
Anne (thinking to herself)
I've got to get out of here. My time is running out. They could be watching
the gate, so I've got to stay out of sight until the last minute. I've got
to get the yarn back to L.A. before its too late. If I don't get
there in time, all will be lost!!
(Anne again checks her watch and then checks the departure monitors to
make sure her watch isn't off)
Anne (whispering to herself)
Allyson will know what to do. I'll contact her as soon as I
get to L.A.
----
(Outside the airport, Dr. Hook and two thugs step out of a black airport
limo. Dr. Hook stops to adjust the fit of his suit and tie, then
proceeds quickly into the airport. All three men have a hand
inside their suit coat.)
(Once inside the airport, Dr. Hook turns to his thugs)
Dr. Hook
She's going to be here somewhere. If she still has the skein of yarn,
she'll be trying to get it to L.A. before tomorrow morning. There's
only one more flight out of here to L.A., and it leaves at 3:15. You,
go cover the gate entrance. You, check the ticket counters for the
airline running that flight. I'll keep an eye out. If either of you screw
this up, I'll be on the plane, and you WONT want to be here when I get
back - understood?
(Both villains nod and slip professionally and unnoticed into the
throng of vacationers and commuting businessmen.)
----
(Meanwhile, back at Scott Hartman's mansion, Grace paces nervously
in her wheelchair. Finally, apparently coming to a resolution, she
wheels over to the phone and picks it up. She pounds out a few numbers
and chews her fingernails awaiting an answer)
(JoAnn Fillmore picks up the other end)
Fillmore.
Grace
Hello? JoAnn?
(JoAnn)
Hello? Who is this? Mrs. Hartman, is that you?
Grace
You can drop the act - he's gone hunting for the day.
(JoAnn)
Hunting her and her skein of yarn, you mean.
Grace
Yes. What should we do?
(JoAnn)
I'm at the airport now. He had me follow his taxi just in case. The man is
sickeningly prepared for everything.
Grace
You've got to stop him, or at least get her out of there.
(JoAnn)
There's not much I can do. You know what he'll do to either of us
if he finds out we helped get rid of that skein.
Grace
I know, but its worth it. I've always stood by him, but what he plans
to do once he gets his hands on the skein is outrageous. Too many
people will be hurt - we can't let it happen.
(JoAnn)
If only we had known what was on that skein sooner - then maybe
we could have done something to prevent all of this.
Grace
It doesn't matter now. The pattern on that skein can't fall into
his hands! JoAnn, you've got to get Anne out of there.
(JoAnn)
I've got 20 minutes before that plane takes off. They know the flight
numbers. He's not stupid enough to attack her in the airport, and the hardware
they're all carrying will keep them away from the boarding gates long
enough for me to get in there.
Grace
Good, get in there and keep that skein out of his hands.
(JoAnn)
I'll try.
Grace
Good luck.
(JoAnn)
I'll need it.
(As Grace hangs up she hears a faint, crackling whisper on the phone line.
She dismisses the noise as static and puts the phone back on its cradle.)
(Scene fades, quickly replaced by scene in the airport)
-------
(Scene opens with two thugs standing in front of the terminal X-ray security
stations scanning the area for signs of Anne Lincoln)
Thug1
Any sign of her?
Thug2
Nope. But the departure gate's all the way at the end of that wing. The ticket
counter closed up a few minutes ago - no sign of her there, either.
Thug1
Any sign of the boss?
Thug2
Nope. Prolly trying to figure out how to get on the plane.
Thug1
Well, we better ditch these guns so we can go scope out the gate.
(As the two hired henchmen turn toward the men's room, hands in their suit jackets,
a security guard approaches)
Security Guard
Anything I can do for you gentlemen?
(Scene fades out with JoAnn slipping through the security station. A
satisfied, yet devious smile brightens her face as she glances back at
the hired thugs being confronted by airport security)
--------------
(Scene opens with JoAnn, hurried and frustrated, speaking to two stewardesses
in the crew room near the gate)
JoAnn
Thank you ladies very much for your help. Your government thanks you.
Stewardess
We're not gonna get docked for missing our shift right, the FBI's gonna
cover it wit' our chief, right?
JoAnn (stuffing a stewardess uniform into a duffle bag and holding up another one)
Absolutely. Now where can I go change?
-----
(Scene opens with Anne stepping out of an airport restaurant, dumping her tray and
wiping the remnants of a cream cheese bagel from the side of her mouth)
JoAnn (stepping from a conealed location near the restrooms)
Anne.
(Anne turns and looks, and panic fills her eyes when she sees JoAnn)
JoAnn
Get over here. (lifts up the duffle bag). Put this on and be quick
about it or you're not getting off that plane alive.
Anne
But...b...? (Looks around, feeling terribly uneasy)
JoAnn
I'm trying to save you! Now get in here and put this on
before you get us both killed.
(Scene ends with Anne grabbing the duffle bag and slipping into
the ladies' room)
---------
(Scene opens with Dr. Hook casually approaching the ticket agent
at the gate)
Dr. Hook
Excuse me, ma'am. My sister, Anne Lincoln, is scheduled to take
this flight with me. I don't see her around anywhere. Can you
tell me if she's checked in or maybe she's already boarded?
(Two stewardesses move swiftly behind the ticketing
counter, pulling wheeled luggage carts behind them. One flashes an
ID card and a proximity reader opens the metal door with a soft popping
noise)
Ticket Agent
Well, no one's boarded yet but the flight crew. First class will
be boarding shortly. (tapping a few keys and snapping her gum, making
an interesting symphony of annoying sounds). Well, 'says here she
checked her baggage in for the flight a little while ago. She ought
to be making her way to the gate any minute.
Dr. Hook (satisfied grin on his face)
Thanks so much for your help.
----
(Aboard the plane, at the back near the galley. Currently, the other two
stewardesses are up front greeting the first class passengers)
JoAnn (in flight attendant uniform)
Quick, we've got about two minutes.
Anne (in flight attendant uniform)
What now?
JoAnn
You still have the skein?
Anne (clutching her purse tightly)
Sure do. I'm guarding it with my life.
JoAnn (sighing)
You don't know the half of it. Now lift that panel and lets go.
Anne (tugging on a recessed handle in a square floorboard by the drink cart)
I'm going, I'm going.
(Anne and JoAnn descend into the cargo section of the plane just as the luggage
loader is pulling away from the bay door. The two duck in between two luggage
cages, breathing heavily)
Anne
You never told me how you managed these disguises.
JoAnn (smiling)
People will believe almost anything you tell them. Our counterparts
think they're helping me catch a fugitive. They'll probably want to star
in the re-enactment on America's Most Wanted.
(Anne and JoAnn share an awkward laugh that doesn't manage to hide the
pressure and fear of the situation)
---
(The episode ends as Dr. Hook takes a seat midway into the coach section. He glances
around to note that both of his thugs have somehow managed to elude the security
officer and have also boarded the plane. One is sipping a margarita in first
class while the other is pretending to read a newspaper at the back of coach
near the restroom)
Dr. Hook (thinking to himself)
She's on this plane. I know it... I can feel it. She might be hiding,
she might be in disguise, but her precious cargo will never make it off of
this plane. Never.
AS THE YARN SPLITS
Episode III
by Kevin Hoffman
CAST
Dr. Hook (aka Scott Hartman) ... Kevin Hoffman
Grace Hartman ... Connie Hoffman
Anne Lincoln ... Ellen Fentress
JoAnn Fillmore ... Lori Jerome
Allyson Angus ... Dawn Seyler
Lynn Vine ... Diana Atkinson
Margot Gamblewood ... Andrea Rudman
(Scene opens at the LAX airport. The plane has landed and passengers are
filing out of the cabin. Dr. Hook is standing up, occasionally reaching
up into the overhead compartment to look innocent, but scanning the aisles
for any sign of Anne Lincoln. His two thugs are busily searching the aisles
as well, one of them positioned near each exit.)
(Anne and JoAnn pry themselves out of one of the luggage cages and receive
a batch of strange looks from the baggage handlers as they dash down the conveyer
belt and break into a quick jog toward the main terminal. Just as this is happening,
Dr. Hook takes a look outside the window and notices the two stewardesses dashing
toward the terminal. Looking around he sees all of the original flight crew and a look
of mixed anger and revelation appears on his face.)
Dr. Hook
What the...?!
Villain1 (approaching from the other side of the plane, through a row of empty seats)
What is it, boss?
Dr. Hook (pointing down at the two ladies jogging to the terminal, now beneath the overhang of the terminal itself)
There! Get them, now!
Dr. Hook (thinking to himself)
Two of them? Who would be helping Anne? A stewardess - no, they'd be too afraid of
losing their jobs... Then who could have pulled this off?
(Another look of mixed anger and revalation appears on his face)
Fillmore! (He pounds his fist into one of the seats and dashes for the plane's front exit)
--------
(JoAnn and Ann are inside the main baggage sorting room, a giant warehouse-like section
beneath the international arrivals wing.)
JoAnn
You got anybody here? Any contacts?
Anne (out of breath, nervous, constantly looking around)
Yes, but I need to get to a phone, she doesn't know I'm here.
JoAnn
All the better (reaches into her purse and pulls out a cell-phone). Use this,
but make it quick, the roaming charges on that are awful.
(JoAnn makes a point of looking through the pile of luggage destined for the
lost-and-found bins, hoping that will be enough to explain their presence.)
(After dialing the phone and waiting a few seconds for someone to pick up,
Anne quickly puts a hand over her ear.)
Allyson? (her voice sounds urgent and scared)
Yes.
I'm at LAX.
Yes, I have it with me, but it didn't come without a price.
Yes.
How 'bout yesterday.
OK, I guess fifteen minutes will have to do.
(Anne flips the phone shut and hands it to JoAnn)
Anne
She'll be here in fifteen minutes, she's going to be at the arrivals gate, Delta. I think
she's bringing a friend.
JoAnn
Arrivals gate? Great idea - Dr. Hook won't think to look there - he'll be canvasing
the car rental and taxi lots and the baggage claims looking for people trying to leave the
airport. Who would think to look for people trying to escape an airport with the arrivals.
Anne
One problem. Delta's wing is clear 'cross the airport from here. Are we going to make
it in time?
JoAnn (looking around, finally her eyes rest on one of the baggage towing cars)
We will if we 'borrow' one of those.
-----------
(Scene opens with the two hired thugs entering the baggage claim sorting area.
As they're looking around, they don't notice that on the other side of the warehouse,
hidden behind the mountains of baggage, two mock stewardesses are escaping aboard a small
grey Toyota pulling two empty bins of luggage. Scene closes with the villains
spreading out, searching the warehouse).
-----------
(Scene opens at the Delta arrivals gate, just outside the airport. Four lanes of
slow-moving traffic crawl by, stopping only briefly to load passengers and baggage.
The two incognito flight attendants had pulled their baggage truck to the arriving
baggage terminal and slipped upstairs. Now they stand, nervous and fidgety, peering
at the throng of cars oozing by)
JoAnn
What kind of car is she driving?
Anne
I think its a blue Buick.
JoAnn
Well, that helps. There's only thirty or fourty of them out here already.
Anne (smiling and jumping slightly, pointing down the road a bit)
There! There she is! She's stuck behind that black limo!
JoAnn (peering into the advancing sunlight)
Well, its a Buick. Two people in it.
Anne (excited, tugging JoAnn along)
C'mon, lets get out of here now!
JoAnn (stumbling slightly)
Allright, just be careful, we're out in the open here
(The two begin making a dash for the stopped Buick. What they fail to notice is that
the limo belongs to Dr. Hook)
--
(Inside the Limo. Dr. Hook and his 'assistant' are sitting silently looking out the
windows. Lynn Vine is Dr. Hook's executive secretary, as well as an accomplished assasin.)
Dr. Hook (looking out one of the side windows, whispering out loud)
Of all the ... I will never say that traffic jams are inconvenient again. I would
have already been at the rentals by now without all of these people loading baggage in the middle of the road...
Dr. Hook (out loud this time, nodding slightly at one of the windows)
Lynn. Do you see what I see?
Lynn (turning around to peer through the heavily tinted windows)
God! Its them! It looks like they're heading this way! (she starts rummaging through her purse, rapidly in persuit of something)
Dr. Hook
I don't think so. They must be heading for their ride. (turning to look).
No Taxis about, so they must've made contact with a local. You know what to do.
Lynn (nodding and strapping her heavy purse on, she clicks the lock on the door and steps out into the hot sunlight)
I do. I won't be more than a minute, sir. (she gave him an icy cold stare, assuring him that she had control of the situation)
---
(Back outside, Anne and JoAnn are near the blue Buick now. The driver waves briefly
then steps out and around back to pop the trunk, acting like everyone else picking
up passengers.)
Allyson (calling from behind the car)
So glad your flight was delayed! I thought we'd miss you with all this traffic!
(no one notices as a tall woman dressed in a beige power-suit steps out of the black limo and adjusts a heavy black leather purse).
Anne (breaking into a run, arms out)
Allyson! I'm so glad you made it!
(the tall woman appears to accidentally back into Anne as she's running, sending her sprawling to the pavement.)
JoAnn (a good distance back, still walking)
Hey! Watch where you're going lady!
(Lynn Vine bends down to check on Anne, who is groaning and complaining but
appears unharmed, except for a nasty run in her stockings. Quickly and with great
skill, Lynn manages to take Anne's skein of yellow yarn and put it in her own
purse, eplacing it with a similar ball of yellow. Lynn hands Anne her purse back,
acting very apologetic)
Lynn (straightening out Anne's uniform and generally fussing over her)
I'm so terribly sorry! I was looking for someone and didn't even notice you!
Anne (checking her purse to make sure the skein of yellow yarn is there. satisfied
that she still has the skein, she turns to face Lynn.)
Thats Ok. If you'll excuse me.
(Anne and JoAnn hurry to the buick, tossing their bags into the truck and slipping quickly
into the back seat. The passenger in the buick, a somewhat short, red-haired woman,
gets out of the car, walks around front and slides into the driver's seat. Allyson
hops into the passenger seat. Her companion slams on the gas, skidding into the
bus lane and careening out of the arrivals wing.)
Allyson (leaning over the seat, facing her passengers in the back seat)
Margot's gonna drive (she says with a huge grin). She'll get us out of here in
no time.
---
(Back in the Limo, Lynn calmly closes the door and sits down in front of Dr. Hook)
Dr. Hook (curious, but otherwise stoic)
Well?
Lynn
I have it. I have the real skein.
Dr. Hook (unable to hide his pleasure)
So I have beaten her at last.
Lynn
What to do about the buick?
Dr. Hook
You have anyone watching the road exits?
Lynn
Of course.
Dr. Hook
Take them out. Take them all, including that traitor JoAnn. Make sure there isn't
enough of them left to fill an urn.
(Lynn simply nods as the scene fades out.)
