Welcome to Dan's North Dakotan Hunting Safari Page.

Hi, and welcome to Dan's North Dakotan Hunting Safari Page. Back in the old days, I lived on a tiny farm near a little town in the northwest corner of North Dakota. So, being the bored little kid that I was, I said to myself: "Why not make a web page and advertise my greatest idea, Dan's North Dakotan Hunting Safari!". I figured that if one person falls for this scam I'll be set for life so why not give it a shot, right?

Well, I'm pleased to announce that the big dream of a small boy has turned into a reality! Dan's North Dakotan Hunting Safari, sponsored by Dan's Adventures Inc., is in full swing, and you can be in on the action! Please read the following information carefully. If it sounds good to you, I can assure you that it's tried, true, and more than worthy of your consideration. If it sounds like a bad idea, I made it up. It's ironic how that works out, right? Details on joining one of Dan's North Dakotan Safaris are listed at the bottm of this page.

Here are a few things to know when reading about Dan's North Dakotan Hunting Safari.

• Prarie: Grass, dirt, gravel roads, cute little animals to kill. Not much more. Oh, wait. There's plenty of bars too.
• Gophers: A brown-fured creature that stands about one foot tall. They make cute screaming noises when they get scared.
• Crows/Blackbirds: Birds that, well to put it bluntly, love to crap all over the place. You just gotta' hate 'em. Not always shot on sight, but usualy.
• Pigeons: Like crows and blackbirds, except bigger.
• Skunks: Fat and slow pretty much sum it up. Some have rabies and all can fire back. Ha ha, get it?
• Canada: Please, don't get me started.

I would explain further, but I fear that it starts to get pretty technical and sophisticated. The fact that people don't care anyway has crossed my mind as well.

Gophers, muskrats, rabbits, wolf, black bear, bald eagles, and other majestic, woodland creatures are in abundance out here. So is ammunition for almost every type of firearm. Is this a coinsidence? Maybe, but I still think that Hunting is the best way to spend time on the beutiful North Dakotan plains. Those cute, fluffy-tailed deer are always waiting to get shot up by the time their season rolls around. Did you know that whitetail deer lose their will to live after a few years? Yep, true story. I bet you've never seen a deer commit suicde, have you? Nah, I didn't think so. It's not pretty; much better to put them out of their misery with really, really big guns. See, that's how it is around here. Hunting is pure kindness. Have you ever heard the expression "Kill with Kindness"? That's actualy describing us. Yeah, no kidding. It surprised me too.

If you join DNDHS (That's short for Dan's North Dakotan Hunting Safari, see), You will be treated to the hunting experience of a lifetime. The typical hunting scene goes something like this. We hop in a 4x4 pickup with all our guns sitting on the seat between us. We'll cruise around on gravel backroads for awhile. Then, whenever you see something alive, you roll down the window and shoot it. Have you heard that shooting out of a vehicle isn't entirly legal? Well, no true hunter will let that minor detail ruin any of his fun. Think about it, if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make any noise? Of course not, so the moral of the story obviously is that if you don't get caught, you didn't do anything wrong. Just keep reminding yourself of that as you keep reading, okay?

One of the first animal we'll hunt are gophers. Gophers love to dig up lawns, fields, and whatever else you don't want them to. Plus, they're not too hard to take out. That's enough reason to hunt them right there. Remember, gophers are dumb, but doesn't mean they aren't lucky sometimes. I've noticed that if you chase or threaten a gopher with a non-leathal weapon, they will just look at you. But as soon as you grab a, say, 30-06, they all go down into their burrows and never come out. That's why you gotta' be good, see?

Another featured animal on DNDHS is the skunk. Hm, I can't think of anything to say about them. Who doesn't know about skunks anyway? Well, enough about that.

Another great animal (To kill) is the badger. The badger is a short, yellow-furred, nightmare. If we acctualy manage to find a badger, I recommend that you shoot it. A lot. With the largest weaponry you can get your hands on. No, they're not really too bad. If you have a semi-auto rifle/pistol pump shotgun you'll be fine. Unless you're a terrible shot. Then you're screwed.

Muskrats are illegal to kill without a Fur Bearer's Licence (Or something like that). If you will pay for a sheet of typing paper and a pen, I will make you a Certified DNDHS Fur Bearer's License. The cost is covered in the DNDHS deluxe price, with the regular package the license costs $58,999.99. Muskrats are usualy swimming in sloughs, right on the surface of the water. The shotgun WAS my muskrat gun, now I've moved on to bigger and better things (READ: Semi-auto, 9mm carbine). Sometimes they go underwater and get away by swimming to shore or entering their dens, but not always.

And this is just the beginning! I could never fit all the stuff we'll be killing on this page. Angelfire only lets me have 5 megs of free space. That'll hardly get me started.

The REGULAR DNDHS package:

• You find a way to get here and I'll think about letting you borrow one of my guns if you don't have one.
• I GUARANTEE (Maybe) that something will die!

The DELUXE DNDHS package:

• Pretty much the same as the regular.
• I provide a Certified Fur Bearer's License.

This is the price of the safare. All expenses of yours must be paid by you, the customer. All expenses of mine must be paid by you, the customer.

Some tips to remember on DNDHS.

• The video "Exploding Varments" was real.
• Check your ammunition, you don't have enough.
• Hawks and eagles are our friends.
• Handgunds aren't very accurate but are they ever fun.
• When you check your gun's safty, red means go.

If DNDHS is for you, and I'm sure it is, then e-mail me at dan@danaladmail.zzn.com for more informaiton.

For an extra $5,999,999.99 you can add DNDHS's Bonus Pack 1: Dan's North Dakotan Lawn Mowing Adventure.

Dan's Adventures Inc. Main Page.
Dan's North Dakotan Adventure's Disclaimer.
DNDHS's Bonus Pack 1: Dan's North Dakotan Lawn Mowing Adventure Page.
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