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Mascot Auditions Gone Wrong

Anime Speed Bump

As you may have noticed, my site has no mascot. (Kuma san, the bear, is my partner in web design, and refuses to be labled as a mere animal, present for the sole purpose of your own entertainment) Therefore, my site, being as awesome and sexy as it is, has received numerous resumes from unemployed mascots world wide. Unfortunatly, 'because quality is my recipe', I have denied the employment requests of all mascots so far. However, for your entertainmet, here are the profiles of our top candidates, and the reason they were not selected to be Anime Speed Bump's official mascot.....

This Gang of Totoros

What's wrong with totoro? Honestly, I thought I had found my site's official mascot when I came across these furry little things at the Anime Adoption Agency. That is until I found out they have a criminal background record! These Totoro have been charged and convicted multiple times of crimes such as armed robbery, and enjoying episodes of Sailor Moon (federal offense in my state of residence). I'm suprised they aren't locked up for life! With the concern of public safety in mind, I think adoption agencies should really be more careful about the pets the give away, shheeesh.....

Ukyo the Anime Cook

What the hell kind of name is Ukyo anyway?

Now what could be wrong with this one? A fair question. Actually, this could be the perfect mascot for any other website. But for mine, she would be inappropriate. This is the anime speed bump, home of the obscure, the comical this mascot is way too normal. To work for anime speed bump, candidates must look like they've been beat repeadedly over ther head with a hammer. (why else would they be up for adoption anyway?) Besides, she's a horrible cook, I can never get her to do any work. Standards today are so low, shheeesh.....

The Samurai Twins

The master of White Fang and Fat Albert is
The Anime Speed Bump.

Want to adopt a samurai?

Hmmm..., where shall I start. This pair of jokers could have become our official mascots (*mwoof hah gag*). The thing is, they came in that horrifying box (I seriously had to tone it down by about 150px just to make it fit on my page). Who has a mascot who can't even walk around? No wonder why they're so fat!, they never get any excercise! I only accept mascots that are in top physical condition. No exceptions. Shheeeesh.....

If you or anyone you know has or is willing to create or knows the where abouts of a top-notch mascot, please send them my way. The requirements may be strict, but the benifits are great. You can reach me by e-mail , of by filling out my comments form. Your contibutions are greatly appreciated.


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