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Interaction between Men and
Women on the Internet
Some Guidelines
by: Sheikh Salman al-Oadah
There are many interactive forums on the Internet, including chat sites
and online communities. We need to address the critical question of how
Muslim men and women should conduct themselves when they come into
contact with one another while participating in these forums.
The following guidelines should be observed by Muslim men and women when
interacting with one another on the Internet:
1. Never display photographs under any circumstances.
To start with, photographs are simply not necessary. The written word is
more than sufficient. We must also appreciate how photographs can become
a great opportunity for Satan to tempt people and make their foul deeds
seem fair to them.
Some people might consider such caution misplaced. However, those who
understand how people are seduced and tempted and who have experience in
dealing with these problems, know that nothing is far-fetched. Moreover,
some people who have a sickness in their hearts manage to deceive
themselves and others that something which is completely wrong is
instead something that is good and that is motivated by the sincerest
and noblest intentions.
2. Use typing and avoid audible means of communication.
If, for some reason, using audible media becomes necessary, then we must
adhere to Allah's command: Be not too complaisant of speech, lest
one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but speak a
speech that is just. [ Sūrah al-Ahzāb : 32]
This verse was revealed concerning the wives of the Prophet (peace be
upon him). If this was the case for them, we can appreciate how much
more it must apply to us. Moreover, that was during the time of the
Prophet (peace be upon him) while we are living in the age of
permissiveness and promiscuity.
3. Maintain a serious tone and focus in conversation.
We must not get involved in talking at length about things that are
unnecessary and unjustified. In truth, many people get a thrill out of
merely speaking with the opposite sex, regardless of what the subject
might be. Some men just like to hear a pretty voice. Likewise, since
women are indeed the full sisters of men, they also find pleasure in
speaking with men.
Our tone should be serious. We should avoid all that is superfluous and
frivolous.
4. Remain vigilant at all times.
Those who we meet on the Internet are, for the most part, apparitions.
Men come online posturing as women and women often misrepresent
themselves as men. Then, there are so many things we do not know about
the other person. What is his ideology? What is his background? What
country is he from? What is his line of work? What are his real
intentions? All of these things are unknown.
I wish to call the attention of our honored sisters to the dangers that
experience has shown us to be ever present in these situations. Many
young women are quick to believe what others tell them and are very
susceptible to sweet words. Such people are easy victims for the
predator who lays out his trap. One moment, he is a sincere advisor,
another the victim crying out for someone to save him, then he is the
lonely man looking for someone with whom to share the rest of his life,
the next moment he is the sick man looking for a cure
5.
Muslim women who work with the Internet
should keep in close contact with one another.
They need to develop strong channels of communication so they can lend a
degree of support to each other in this important and possibly dangerous
field of endeavor. They need to cooperate closely and share their
experiences and expertise. A person standing alone is weak, but standing
with others she is strong.
Allah says: By time! Surely the human being is at loss. Except for
those who have faith and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to
truth and exhort one another to patience. [ Sūrah al-`Asr ]
Abū Mulaykah al-Dārimī narrates: It was the practice among the
Prophet's Companions, that if two of them met, they would not depart
from one another without one of them reading Sūrah al-`Asr to the other.
Then one of them would greet the other with peace. [ al-Mu`jam
al-Awsat (5120) and Shu`ab al-Îm ān (9057)]
I also advise our Muslim sisters to focus most of their attention and
their efforts on calling other women to Islam and enjoining them to
righteousness. They should use this valuable medium to assist and serve
their sisters and to reform them. This should be done indirectly,
subtly, and with wisdom. Too direct an approach, when giving advice,
often causes the other party to become angry, confrontational, and
obstinate. This is because the person giving advice comes off as seeming
high-handed and arrogant, while the one being advised feels shamed and
belittled. Therefore, be gentle in your choice of words, good-natured,
attentive, and forbearing. This makes the receiving party more
conductive to receiving your advice and less likely to spurn it.
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