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I was scared of you
Never understood why you do what you do
Or haunt me around with such mysterious intentions
I still question why you prey on the steps that I leave
Since all else occurred, we've already played this Hide & Seek
But it's always this chartered distance that
We stood far away from each other's reach
With I, constantly behind that bordered mark that
You can never crossover coz I won't allow you to
Since then you've seen me grow into a woman
You've seen me go from one man to another with
THE love made, the love wounded & lost in vain
But most of all, love being taken granted of
(Just like the respect she gives you, am i right?)
Coz if you were mine, you know I'd treat you as King
It just aches to see someone I ever wanted so bad
Will always remain forever uninvited because
You're already someone else's man and you know this
Yet you still choose to shadow the back I stood from
And I clipped your wing, but you shot me in return
I feel like I've been tranquilized to a halt to just watch us bleed
It's illicit really how I've sort of reeled into this complexity?
This disguise that I wear is not I, just as I know that you're hiding
A soul behind those eyes, or your smile that portrays of another identity
Behind bars like there's something genuine behind your fascination w/ me
I've always felt like I was outside looking in on you but I just choose
To ignore the brailles that you constantly reveal, in fear of your impulse I'd drown in
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back away from everyone
And all imperfect things that were disgraceful and ungodly I kept concealed within
(Even you couldn't tell the difference coz I'd make such a good entertainer)
Tho lately it's just somewhere along the line, I must've gone off track with myself
As I slowly yet unconsciously unveil pieces of this untamed disposition
There are things that are meant to be ambiguous, words left unspoken so I'll say this once:
If I told you that I've loved you since then, would my words carve out a milestone in
Your heart even tho someone's already possessed it? And if you act upon the spaces
Between this masquerade of you & I, Wouldn't it cause so much havoc amongst the others?
Coz it must be somewhat disheartening to see all these unfold into a mess yet
You speak solely of my love like You have experienced love like mine before
While you wear someone else's band on the left, to me is discombobulating
In case you haven't noticed, you're killing me
You're constantly breaking loose from the rules that we both
Placed our lives at stake in, as you've become so conspicuous
With this game I agreed to play with but only between You and I
Tho lately you've gone public, with all drastic measures, while this lasted long
I fear that it has become somewhat maddening
There are some fascination I know will never affect me but this has delibrately
Made me think & believe into a fallacy that can never be defined
Guess it's usually Life's way of screwing up w/ my Head again but with you?
It's unacceptable! Tho, everytime I start to believe into something again
Everything takes a part of me and eats me into oblivion and then you come in
Haven't I not enough of this insanity that life throws at me?
Haven't I learned not to fuck w/ karma of stealing another's dream?
Coz you were mine but she's bargained you years ahead of my time
Like an unfortunate slight, I just can't seem to place my finger on it
No matter how hard I fight this, no matter how foolish I'm perceived as
In this flirtations that's gone contagious, I need to get this out, maybe then
I'd feel redeemed, but I've always felt there was something inevitable between us
Something inexplicable beyond words why this path meets but never acquainted
I've always thought I was deranged in this but you made the hallucination, valid
I've always had this intuition that you were supposed to be somebody invited
Perhaps I've met you somewhere, before this fate lost in time?
Incase you didn't know I could roast in hell just aspiring you in my will
There are some things that life's raped and stolen from me, but w/ you
THIS-IS just so unfair, especially from I who's done everything by the Book
Never really knew why I'm given nothing I deserve coz in something like this
It's never just another school girl's infatuation over an older man but more
Sometimes I feel transgressed, sometimes it's my life I cannot taste
Most times I cannot take this violation anymore and I just want to take flight & leave
But you've shot my wing down on a spot always across from where you observe
Whenever I see you, it just tears me to see a restricted barrier between us
Secured by all our insecurities, while you lose your game of Solitaire to her
It's even complicated to establish a friendship without society's maliciousness
Without having to deal with the illegitimate stares or the inflicting accusations
Even yet, being hunted by an angry woman's presence who does not deserve you at all
Tho countless of times I just wanted to talk, I am DYING to peer thru
The authenticity behind your aura that shadows me around like a protective terror
I may be sensitive and resilient but you intrigue me so and I think you know this
It's just lately you've become too obvious with the stalking & I cannot risk my reputation
Not this way, not when you're married coz I'll always end up being at the losing end here
And I refuse to be just second best, I'd rather keep the distance than lose you to forever
So mind you, whenever you come close, I'll just fly on this crippled wing & save the loss
Maybe one day this might even pull thru, or even perhaps meant to be forgotten?
But there's just one thing that I'm sure of for now --
This poem to you, will always remain unsent.
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