1. Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
2. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
3. I'm not insensitive, I just don't give a cr@p.
4. Smile! It confuses people.
5. Be nice to your kids... they'll choose your nursing home.
6. UFOs are real : the Air Force doesn't exist.
7. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
8. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
9. IRS : We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
10. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
11. Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
12. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
13. Weapons don't kill people. I do.
14. People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
15. Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small to be out by itself.
16. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
17. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
18. Hit any user to continue.
19. Error : Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue working anyway. (my computer actually did this once)
20. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
21. Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
22. <-------- The information went data way -------->
23. Reality is a figment of your imagination.
24. Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
25. If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
26. Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
27. You are what you eat.
28. If you knew what you were doing, you'd be bored.
29. Life's a beach, and then you drown.
30. Have a nice day . . . somewhere else.
31. Please don't be perky around me.
32. Life without bears would be unbearable.
33. Do unto others before they do unto you.
34. Never go into a hug off balance.
35. Hugging a person makes them feel better, next time you kick them instead.
36. Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
35. If I can't fix it, it ain't broken.
36. I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
37. Reality Bites
38. Life is gods way of punishing us.
39. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
40. Mother Nature is a @#%@!, so be nice.
41. Profanity is the one language everyone knows best.
42. Nice guys don't finish nice.
43. If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
44. If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in.
45. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight!
46. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
47. Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
48. A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
49. Cautious: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
50. They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.
51. If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
52. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
53. Smiling at others, will trick them into believing that your being nice.