Voodoo Dick
There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd buy her something to keep her occupied while he was gone. Otherwise, she'd be tempted to screw another man while he was out of town.
He went to an adult sex store and started explaining his situation to the old man behind the counter. The old man said, "Well, we have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but we don't have anything that will keep her occupied for weeks except..."

"Except what?" the man interjected.

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but we have this voodoo dick." The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old, wooden box, carved with bizarre symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary looking dildo.

The businessman laughed and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

"But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." The old man pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door split in two, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" Sure enough, the voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" exclaimed the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great -- like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she tried to pull it out, but it was stuck, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to remind her how to shut the darn thing off. Finally, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.

On the way to the hospital, she had another orgasm, causing her to swerve recklessly. A passing police officer noticed the erratic driver and pulled her over. "Your driver’s license and registration please..."

Gasping and twitching, she pleaded with the officer, explaining that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy and the darn thing wouldn't stop screwing her.

The officer looked at her curiously and said, "Yeah, right, voodoo dick my ass!"
 
 

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