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Steven's Quotes

Here is my collection of quotes. Hopefully, it will continue to grow as I find more quotes that I like.

1-"Mother Nature intended it to be, for the snake to eat the rat." - Susan Hawk (Survivor)

2-"I disapprove of what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire (François Marie Arouet)

3-"Hmm, my banjo is wet." - Kermit the Frog

4-"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out." - Sir Alfred Hitchcock

5-"… oh, and Mr. Stamper, would you please kill those bastards!" - Elliot Carver (Tomorrow Never Dies)

6-"My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano playing beats 'em both." - Rowlf

7-"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." - Homer Simpson

8-"Vergoofin der flicke stoobin mit der børk-børk yubetcha!" - The Swedish Chef

9-"Television has brought back murder into the home- where it belongs." - Sir Alfred Hitchcock

10-"Now, Beakie, we'll just flip this switch and 60,000 refreshing volts of electricity will surge through your body. Ready?" - Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

11-"Everyone is born right-handed… but only the greatest overcome it." - Anonymous

12-"…I'm old enough to know better and young enough no to care." - Garfield

13-"Mr Bond, they have a saying in Chicago: 'Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, the third time it's enemy action.'" - Auric Goldfinger (Goldfinger by Ian Fleming)

14-"World domination! Either that or a nap." - Garfield

15-"There's no point in living if you can't feel alive." - Elektra King (TWINE)

16-"Water has been around since about the middle ages..." - Mr. Josephson (my science teacher)

17-That's Jaws. He kills people." - James Bond

18-"This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force." - Dorothy Parker

19-"Let them eat cake." - Marie Antoinette (Yes, I know that they can't prove that they actually said it, but I couldn't resist)

20-"What's another word for Thesaurus?" - Stephen Wright

21-"A conclusions is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking." - Anonymous

22-"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

23-"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." - Sir Winston Churchill

24-"Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't." - Pete Seeger

25-"God is subtle but He is not malicious." - Albert Einstein

26-"Can I have your kidneys Ryan?" - Alicia

27-"The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging." - Molly Ivins

28-"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency." - S.T. (I have no idea what S.T. stands for, so don't ask me!)

29-"A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands." - Unknown

30-"Its not the winning that counts, nor the taking part; it's making fun of the little fat kid who always comes in last." - Matthew Hansen

31-"Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today; I think he's from the CIA." - Unknown

32-"I am free of all prejudice; I hate everyone equally." - W.C. Fields

33-"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields

34-"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." - Frieda Norris

35-"Though it was unintelligent and stationary, our prey remained elusive…" - A narrator of a nature documentary about mushrooms

36-"There are three types of people in this world: those who can count, and those who cannot." - Carl G. Hostnik

37-"People from Rome are Romans, right? What are people from Greece called? Greecers?" - Sarah H.

38-"Well, I could have the beef soup... wait... ew... It has mushrooms in it. I'll just have the mushroom soup." - Sarah H.

39-"There's nothing better than big fat sweaty men in spandex!" - Me, talking about wrestling.

40-"All glory to the Hypno-Toad." - The Judge at the petshow on "Futurama"

41-"I.B. therefore I B.S." - unknown

42-"Jayme, for the last time, Steven does not want to go to the prom with you!" - Mrs. Martin (my history teacher)

43-"Mr. Burns, you mentioned that you wanted an opening tirade?" - Kent Brockman (The Simpsons)

44-"Just a couple drops on your tongue will give you real dudattude." - The label on some Sour Cherry Drops

45-"That horse better win, or we're taking a trip to the glue factory... and he won't get to come!" - Homer Simpson

46-"A not unblack dog was chasing a not unsmall rabbit across a not ungreen field." - George Orwell

47-"My belly-button's dirty..." - Kaleigh

48-"My belly-button's not dirty 'cause I don't wash..." - Kaleigh

49-"Mah fouwweela' eis bedda' dan yoh fouwweela'! Idt heis siex weeeles!" - Sarah

50-"Does that carrot have the mumps?" - Dominique the Amazing

51-"We're not some big corpse-less hearteration..." - Me, getting my words screwed up as usual...

52-"What people really need is a good listening to." - Mary Lou Casey

53-"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him." - Heather (Someone that I don't know...)

54-"Never use while sleeping." - The instructions on Conair hair dryer

55-"Never squat with you spurs on." - Cowboy Wisdom

56-"Oh, who gives a sh!t? Life is short, so sit back, breathe, relax and enjoy!" - Dominique the Amazing

57-"Exams are a breed of beast best served beaten to death with a board." - Kaylin

58-"I was not under the alffluence of incohol!" - Dominique the Amazing

59-"Shlong, shlong, shlong!" - Vicky

60-"My mom is angry. That was a very expensive orange." - Me

61-"We're just a bunch of drunken houliganious knuckle draggers!" - Me

62-"Mmm... Leberkase..." - Vicky - Translation - "Mmm... high quality spam..."

63-"Can anyone tell me the atomic weight of bolonium?" - Mrs. Krobapple (The Simpsons)

64-"Avez-vous des cornichons et un cuillière?" - Vicky - Translation -"Do you have pickles and a spoon?"

65-"Il mio amico ha stitichessa, vermi e una malattia venerea." - Vicky - Translation -"My male friend has constipation, worms and a venereal disease."

66-"Je suis lesbienne. Sono lesbica. Ich bin lesbisch." - Vicky - Translation - "I am a lesbian." (Not Really, she just found it in her little translation book.)

67-"I hate wood; I want to burn it." - Stefan

68-"It don't make no sense to obey de laws!" - Angry Fisherman on "Rough Cuts"

69-"I'm mentally anerexic." - Aaron

70-"If he was so stupid, why did they call him Einstein?" - A girl in Mr. P's physics class

71-"My hair's impotent..." - Me, badly in need of a haircut

72-"He's gonna be a lot less comfortable once I kick him in the balls!" - Kaleigh

73-"Her nose is so big, it could be used as a penis." - Some girl walking by me in the hallway

74-"Huh-huh-huh-huh... fag..." - Some guy talking to himself while walking buy the door of a classroom, when there's no one else even in the hallway...

75-"Funny... purpose... stop... when... want..." - Sarah, laughing incomprehensibly at Shrew

76-"Of course, it would be nice to know that the Captain was... a captain... even though his name is... the Captain..." - Me, making a fool of myself during my English presentation

77-"And then the peasants stormed St. Penisburg..." - Mrs. Martin

78-"That depends upon what the definition of "is" is..." - Bill Clinton

79-"There's a tulip! It made me smile!" - Mr. Briggs

80-"What's wrong with tuplips?" - Mr. Briggs

81-"The private cost of the poop is less than the social cost of the poop." - Mr. Briggs

82-"The manure is just a little bit friendlier and less stinky." - Mr. Briggs

83-"I not only like tulips; I like being a twit and a pisher." - Mr. Briggs

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