Sponsored by

On this page...

1. Opening Message
2. Brian Williams Message Board
3. The Brian Williams Clock
4. Brian and John call a Game
5. Brian Williams Sayings
6. Actual Errors Made by Brian and John During Jays Games

In the eighth inning of a Jays game
Brian: Welcome back to Blue Jays baseball live from the Big Owe. Jays are leading the Orioles
8 to 5. 
John: We are at the SkyDome, Brian. 
Brian: Oh yeah I forgot. 
John: Do you know what time it is, Brian? 
Brian: It is 9:45 Eastern, 6:45 Pacific, 7:45 Mounti.... 
John: No, Brian, it's time for the Inside Pitch with John Cerutti. 
Brian: Oh yeah, I have spent so much time away I forgot about the Inside Edge. What is
today's question? 
John: Well Brian, this one comes from the Garden of Eden. 
Brian: (makes his funny laugh) Yeah, right John. 
John: Seriously, the paper says this person is from a place called Garden of Eden in Nova Scotia. 
Brian: Wow! 
John: The question comes from a fellow by the name of Buck Brown. He asks: how far are the bases 
apart? 
Brian: That's a good question. 
John: Well, before today's game the Inside Pitch Research Team measured the distance between the
bases here at SkyDome. 
Brian: John, before you get into that Cal Ripken has just flied out to Buck Martinez. 
John: Don't you mean Dave Martinez? 
Brian: Whatever. 
John: Getting back to the Inside Pitch, the answer to Buck's question is 90 feet. 
Brian: I didn't know that John I found that kind of interesting. 
John: And thanks to Buck Brown of Garden of Eden for that question for us today. 
Brain: Getting back to this game on a Friday night here in Toronto the Blue Jays lead 8 to 5
over the Orioles. As I say this Juan Guzman is up and throwing in the Jays bullpen. 
John: You are getting Escobar confused with Guzman again, Brian. 
Brian: Did I say Guzman (makes his funny laugh), I meant Escobar (laughs agian). 
John: David Wells is still pitching for the Blue Jays. 
Brian: We should point out to the fans that Wells started the game. 
John: Good idea, Brian. 
Brain: (laughs) Garden of Eden (laughs) 
John: Calm down, Brian we are on the air. 
Brian: You know what John, Cal Ripken holds the Major League record for most consecutive games 
played. 
Jonn: I knew that Brian. 
Brian: Greg Myers of the O's now has a 3-1 count on him against David Wells will he be swinging 
John Cerutti? 
John: It depends how close to the plate the pitch is Brian. 
Brian: That is well hit to deep centre field. And he pops up to the second baseman Homer Simpson,
I mean Homer Bush. 
John: The next batter is Delino DeShields. 
Brian: You know what John, I have to use the washroom. What do baseball commentators like me and
you, John Cerutti, do when they have to go to the washroom? 
John: They go to the restroom, Brian. 
Brian: In the middle of the game!!!!!!!! 
John: You could wait until the inning is over. You know Brian, the restroom is just across the 
hall from our broadcast location here at SkyDome. Word around the press box is that it is a 
great facility. 
Brian: Now DeShields is at bat 0-1 is the count and here comes the pitch, it is a changeup
and it is well hit, no doubt about this one. 
John: YES! 
Brian: Good catch John, are you considering a comeback? 
John: Well actually Brain, I am not considering a comeback. 
Brian: DeShields hits it into the gap in left right field and he slides in for a stand up double. 
John: I think that's all we will see of David Wells. 
Brain: Here comes Guzman! 
John: Well Escobar is the Jays main set-up man. 
Brian: I will have to say Guzman is the Jays best set-up man, don't you? 
John: Well I have to agree. 
Brian: Next batter is Brady Anderson. And he steps up to the plate here at 9:51 Eastern on a 
Friday night. 
John: That's right Brian.
Brian: He swings at the first pitch and he pops up to the catcher. The inning is over and I got 
to go to the washroom. 

Bottom of the 8th

John: While we are awaiting the return of Brian I am going to tell you about our next broadcast
here on CBC. It is tomorrow! The Jays and O's will play at 4 o'clock Eastern... 
Brian: (running in to continue the broadcast). Did you remind the viewers that it will be on at
1 in BC, 2 Mountain, 3 Central, 5 in the Garden of Eden, and 5:30 in Newfoundland. 
John: Whatever, Brian. 
Brian: Mike Trembley is is on the mound for Baltimore. 
John: The inning is being lead off by Raul Mondesi. 
Brain: Here is the pitch, it is a fastball and it is well hit down the right field line and foul. 
John: Mondesi is making a run at hitting .300 this year. He is now hitting .291 as of game time. 
Brian: Raul hits that to left centre field and it is caught by Anderson. 
John: Next up is Carlos Delgado. 
Brian: The catcher is coming up to talk to the pitcher John, what are they talking about? 
John: They are discussing how they are going to pitch to Delgado. 
Brian: I never would have thought that John. 
John: Most people would have, Brian. 
Brian: I am happy to report the Indians pitcher Brian Williams has pitched a no hitter over the 
Tampa Bay Devil Rays. 
John: That tells you how bad Tampa is. 
Brian: I think it is amazing I share a name with that guy. What are the odds. Speaking of guys 
that share names there used to be a pitcher for the Blue Jays, as Delgado hits a home run, 
named John Cerutti. 
John: I knew that Brian, it was me. 
Brian: Wow! 
John: Shouldn't we be talking about Carlos' home run which makes the Jays take a 9 to 5 lead. 
Brain: What home ru... oh yeah! Let's take a look at the replay. 
John: Good thinking Brian. 
Brian: As you can see that ball was well hit over the right field fence. 
John: Good hit. 
Brian: Now here comes Fullmer and he grounds out in no time at all. 
John: Brian, that was a foul ball. 
Brian: (funny laugh) 
John: Now the count is 0-1 on Fullmer and now he grounds out to the first baseman. 
Brian: Heres comes Tony Fernandez. 
John: Don't you mean Batisia. 
Brian: Whatever. 
John: Batisia is the Jays leading home run hitter this season. 
Brian: Here is a stat for you. He has hit more home runs at SkyDome this year, than at any o
ther park in the big leagues. 
John: But doesn't he play half his games here? 
Brain: That's a good point that John Cerutti brings up folks, as Trombley throws ball two at 
Batisia. 
John: There is a 2-0 count on Batisia. 
Brian: Here is the pitch and it is well hit. And he pops up the the third baseman 
Cal Ripken, Jr. He is Cal Ripken Sr.'s son. 
John: We will be back right after this. 

Brian: And we're back for the top of the 9th inning here at Camden Yards 
John: SkyDome!!! 
Brian: (funny laugh) Why don't you shut up John? Now, with a four-run lead, this is a save 
situation so I expect to see Bobby Koch for the 9th inning. 
John: Actually Brian, it's not a save situation, Kelvim Escobar... 
Brian: You mean Guzman 
John: ...has come in to pitch the 9th inning, and Billy Koch is the closer. 
Brian: What, you mean his name isn't Bobby? 
John: Yeah. 
Brian: Well golly gee, I guess I was wrong. Anyways, it's now 7 PM in BC, 9 here in Sydney
Australia... 
John: Toronto 
Brian: (funny laugh) oh yeah right. It's the jet lag. Anyways, Guzman, winds up, and HERE'S THE 
PITCH RIGHT AT THE BATTER'S HEAD FOR STRIKE 1!!! 
John: That was right down the middle. 
Brian: Hey, cookies! (Gobble gobble gobble)(funny laugh) Well, those were good. 
John: Brian, those weren't cookies. 
Brian: The count is now at 0-2, and THERE IS A WELL-HIT BALL DEEP DOWN THE LEFT-FIELD LINE, AND 
CAUGHT BY TONY FERNANDEZ IN FOUL GROUND! WHAT A CATCH FOR THE SECOND OUT! 
John: That was the first out, and it was a pop-up hit right to him. (snicker) You know Brian,
those really weren't cookies. 
Brian: Now up is Will Clark. 
John: That's Chris Richard. They traded Clark. 
Brian: Wow, when? 
John: Err, so anyways, that's a routine grounder to the second baseman Morandini... 
Brian: Bush! 
John: No he's injured. There are two outs. 
Brian: One. 
John: Two, and now up is Luis Matos. 
Brian: Who's he? 
John: The centerfielder. 
Brian: Garden of Eden(funny laugh). 
John: Okkkkk, so looking at the scoreboard, the Athletics have won today. 
Brian: Oh that old team, they don't matter. 
John: You know, those REALLY weren't cookies. 
Brian: And Guzman throws a cureball... 
John: Fastball 
Brian: on the inside corner... 
John: outside corner 
Brian: it's a well-hit line drive 
John: Bunt 
Brian: Right down the line... 
John: Right back to the pitcher 
Brian: And it's gone! 
John: And it's the third out! 
Brian: Really? Oh oops, I was watching the wrong game! 
John: Excuse me a minute folks. Have a good night. 

-John vigorously punches Brian multiple times, and leaves the studio. Brian lies on the ground
and begins to throw up from the "cookies"- 

[End of Game] 

1. "That is well hit" - he says this whenever a batted baseball leaves the infield
2. "You know what John?" - says this every time he is about to say some thing to his partner, John Cerutti
3. "Will he be swinging John Cerutti?" - he asks John this everytime there is a 2-0, 3-0, or a 3-1 count on the batter.
4. "The time is x:xx Eastern, x:xx Pacific,x:xx Mountain, x:xx Central, x:xx Atlantic, and x:xx in Newfounland" - Brians famous (or infamous) time checks.
5. "Guzman is coming on to pitch" - a common error that he makes whenever Kelvin Escobar comes into a game to pitch for the Jays.
6. "I'd tell you what" - says this before he says something interesting to the audience
7. He also repeats himself to the point that you want to throw something at the T.V. becasue it becomes so annoying.
8. "He comes Rheal Cormier. He is a graduate of Louis Robichaud High School in Moncton, New Brunswick, he was a member of the 1988 Canadian Olympic team in Seoul, Korea and a member of the 1987 Pan American Games team." - He says this everytime that Rheal Cormier of the Red Sox comes into pitch a game aginast the Blue Jays.
9. "Koskie stayed in Minneapolis this past off season to work on his foot work." - He says this everytime Corey Koskie of the Minnesota Twins made a play at third base against Toronto in the 2000 season..
10. "Did you know that Koskie used to play goal for the Selkirk Steelers of the Manitoba Junior A Hockey League" - Another fact that Brian just beats to death.
11. How can the Brian Willimas Satire Page ignore his distinctive laugh?
12. Also he mentions the fact that Koskie was a great volleyball player in his youth.
13. "Lemme ask you this.." - His common phrase he says before asking someone a question.
14. "Lots more to come" - He normally says this before the Olympics break for a commercial.
15. Of course we all know that Bri-an-se-pa-rates-ev-e-ry-syl-la-ble.
16. He always points out all the Canadians. He does this at the Olympics, Blue Jays baseball and the Grey Cup.
17. "Well it is time for our annual talk" - How he starts for his talk to the CFL commissioner every Grey Cup weekend.
18. "Now this guy is a great story" - He says this about half of the guys who play baseball and half the athletes in the Olympic Games.
19. "Beautiful Sydney Harbour" - A comment that he made 3,568,120 times during the 27th Summer Olympiad in Sydney, Australia.
20. During the Olympics he must of mentioned the time he, Terry Leibel and Ron MacLean climbed the 'wonderful Sydney Harbour Bridge'.
21. "Now, we all know that Rocker is a jerk" - He said this about John Rocker on every broadcast before the All-Star Break.
22. Brian always seems to mention his ride to the ballpark with John Cerutti.
23. He uses the term "Big Story" about ten different things that happen during an event or game.
24. "Stats man Scott Carson" - This name seems to come up at least once every baseball broadcast.
25. Brian also seems to mention Don Cherry quite a bit during baseball / Olympic broadcasts
26. "I remember when he first came to Toronto. Remember John, we were in Philadelphia for an interleague game agianst the Phillies. He had just flown in from Arizona the night before and I remember seeing him in batting practice and seeing his stance and wondering who is this guy?" - Brian remembering the day the Blue Jays acquired Tony Batisia.
27. Earlier this year (2000) in a game against Minnesota he said Minnesota starter Brad Radke was among the AL leaders in ERA, even though he wasn't in the top 20.
28. "John, do you remember Castillo's first game as a Blue Jay? We did that game down in Texas." - A common statement about starter Frank Castillo
29. He once got catcher Alberto Castillo confused with the pitcher Frank Castillo.
30. "Carpenter is looking very sharp tonight" - he said this once seconds after Carpenter gave up a single down the middle.
31. "It's like that Inside Pitch from Paradise!" - Brian bringing up the fact that once there was an Inside Pitch question coming form a place called Paradise, NF.
32. The garage bags are in left field" - Brian talking about the bags they have in right field in Minnesota.
33. "Are the uniforms that they are wearing tonight the same ones from the 1977 season?" - Our friend Brian questioning John about the unis the Jays wore at Minnesota's Turn Back the Clock Night.
34. "It has been long, and it has been ugly" - He says this whenever the Jays are getting blown out.
35. "So, John what exactly are they talking about on the mound?" - Brian asking John what the catcher and pitcher are talking about on the mound.
36. "I have a question John" - Brian before asking a question to Cerutti.
37. He mentioned Andy Stewart's name a thousand time in the Toronto - Montreal series before the 2000 All-Star Game. Stewart was going to pitch to Delgado during the HR Derby.
38. "Gabe Kapler was a Blue Jay fan when he grew up in California because he played for a T-Ball team called the Blue Jays" - The only information that he knows about Gabe Kapler.
39. "What a difference a year makes, if you like baseball you have to like to see a small market team like Seattle, losing their best player and having sell out crowds." - Brian talking about the Mariners. He doesn't think that their new park night have something to do with it.
40. "Remember we were in Detroit when Jose Cruz Jr. came over from Seattle" - Brian remembering the Cruz trade.
41. "Welcome back to the Summer Olympic Games in Sydney, Nova Scotia" - Brian welcoming viewers back to the Olympics from a commercial break.
42. "Remember this gentleman is the same guy who wrote the story on John Rocker. Maybe a little bit of Rocker rubbed off on to him" - Brian talking about Jeff Pearlman who wrote an article in SI which made fun of David Wells' weight. He is the same guy who did the story on John Rocker.
43. "Remember, there are three e's in defense." - Brian opening a telecast after the Jays made three errors in the previous game.
44. "I remember when I lived in Detroit in my youth, me and a friend of mine used to go to all the Detroit Lion and Green Bay Packer games played here on Thanksgiving Day. Back then, the Lions could actually beat the Packers." - Brian during his last broadcast at Tiger Stadium, remembering the days of his youth. FYI, the Lions have beat the Packers 7 of their last 8 games played in Detroit.
45. "Here at the Olympics in Atlanta" - Brian making a comment during the Sydney Opening Ceremonies.
46. "Beach volleyball player Jody Holden is from Toronto." - Mr. Holden is really from Shelburne, NS.
47. "We have some videotape" - Brian introducing a taped segment.
48. "Great call" - Brian congratulating someone on the call of an athletic event. This makes it sound like the call was the great accomplishment, not the athletic achivement.
49. "Simon Whitford" - Brian talking about gold medalist Simon Whitfield
50. "The swimming event will be between 4 an 5 Eastern and 5 and 7 Atlantic" - Brian getting his times confused.
51. "Taking cocaine may not be preformance enhancing, but the bottom line is that it is still cheating" - Brian talking about Eric Lamaze. How can it be cheating if it isn't preformance enhancing?
52. "Hey, in Australia it is September 23, that means it's the 28th anniversary of when Paul Hendeerson scored against the Russians." - Now if your a Canadian do I really have to tell you what the gaffe is here?
53. "A classy Canadian." - What he said about Donovan Baily after he had trashed Micheal Johnson after their match race in 1997.
54. "A blackmark for Canada." - This is what he said after the Canadians and Soviets got into a brawl at the 1987 World Junior Hockey Championships.
55. "But John, why are Batisia and Delgado doing on the mound?" - Brian asking John why Delgado and Batista are talking to the pitcher and catcher on the pitchers mound.
56. "On this Canada Day, 1977" - Brian before the Jays - Expos Canada Day game in 1997.
57. "Both teams are wrong, both teams have been diqualified and they should be disqulaified, we talk about the feelings of these young men, these young men better learn and learn quickly, you don't go though life conducting peer through brawls." - Brian to Don Cherry after the Canada - Soviet brawl of 1987 in the World Junior Hockey Championships.
58. "Chris Everett" - Brian reffering to Red Sox star Carl Everett during a game between the BoSox and the Jays in May 2001.
59. "Nomo did not have it tonight" - Brian reffering to a game Hideo Nomo pitched against the Jays when he had given up 3 earned runs, had 12 Ks,and only walked 2 in 8 innings of work.
60. When he talks about Albert Belle he always sarcasticly calls him "Mr. Personally" or "one of the great gentlemen in baseball"
61. "I remember my father taking me here as a boy .." Brian says this everytime he does a game from Yankee Stadium or Fenway Park.
62. During the Olympic broadcasts Brian always seems to spend half the time straigtening out his papers that he keeps on his broadcast desk.

Pregame - keeps on mentioning Hentgen's "disaster" against Boston.
        - calls John by his full name.

Top 1st - mentions the date and time of the first pitch.

Bottom 1st - none, yes that is right!

Top 2nd - refers to the disaster again.
        - calls John by his full name.
        - asks John if it is tough to put a bad start behind you.
        - John says "well hit" on the replay of the double play.
        - says "well hit" on Vlad's home run
        - mentions that the HR is the first run between Toronto and Montreal in league play.
        - says the Ryan Mc Gwire is a "great story"

Bottom 2nd - makes a big deal about Pedro retiring the first four batters.
           - again mentions the fact the Baltimore was interested in acquiring David Segei from
the Expos.
           - makes a big deal that Pedro retired the first six batters.

Top 3rd - Again mentions that Baltimore and Montreal lost their catchers in their series.
        - John mentions that the average is at it's highest when the hit zone is red.
        - John says that the teams have never meet in league action.

Bottom 3rd - Both of them continue to mention Pedro's inside pitches.

Top 4th - continues to mention that the Expo's trainer is from Oakville.
        - refers to John by his full name.
        - CBC shows close up of the broken bat at the end of the inning.

Bottom 4th - refers to John by full name.
           - makes big deal that last inning Segei was the first batter stranded in the game.
           - refers to Medced by his full name.

Top 5th - Again, mentions that Hentgen won the Cy Young last year.

Bottom 5th - again mentions the fact that the last time these cities meet in league play was 
             in 1960 in the IL.
           - mentions the fact that "we did that game in Baltimore".

Top 6th - made a big deal that there were people from Conception Bay, NF in the crowd.
        - says "I hope you are enjoying yourself in BC or Newfounland..."
        - refers to the Expos as the Montreal Expos, instead of just Montreal or Expos.

Bottom 6th - John calls the Angels the California Angels.
           - calls David Segei "The Veteran"

Top 7th - mentions again that the game is just a rollin' along.
        - again mentions that the queen will be at the Canada Day celebrations in Ottawa.

Bottom 7th - "Well hit" on Delgado home run.
           - "well hit might be an understatement"
           - again mentions it's a fast paced game.
           - refers to John by his full name.
           - "I am Brian Williams"

Top 8th - John mentions the "disaster" against Boston the previous week.

Bottom 8th - mentions Garcia by his full name.
           - said it was a "great story when a Mtl player meet Ernie Harwell during interleague
             play.

Top 9th - "well hit" on the Henry Rodrigeieuz pop fly
        - again mentions the pace of the game.

Bottom 9th - refers to John by his full name.

Post Game - again mentions the fact it is the first game between the cities in years.
          - refers to John by his full name.
          - refers to John by his full name.
          - mentions it is Canada Day eve again.
          - refers to John by his full name.
          - mentions people watching in BC and Newfounland again.
          - refers to John by his full name.
          - "well hit" while watching the replay of the Delgado home run.

• said it was Canada Day, 1977
• made big deal that last night's game took two hours to play
• mention that Micheal Burgess was to sing Oh Canada numerous times (I lost count)
• made big deal that only Oh Canada was played
• made big deal that "Canada" was on the back of the Jays uniforms.

Back to my Main Site

---

Links to Brian Williams Sites

The Brian Williams Drinking Game
Inside Pitch with John Cerutti
Lavin Agency - Brian Williams
Speakers.Ca - Brian Williams
The Life of Brian: 'That smug mug' or 'my new hero'?
The 'I Hate Brian Williams' Page