Now we all know that Friends episode from back in the day where Ross comes up with "The List," that collection of five women with whom he would be allowed to cheat on Rachel, those few women so irresistibly attractive that he would be powerless to resist their any sexual advance. (Because, you know, this would totally be a problem that could ever confront me or fictional characters like Ross... but at least I'm not a paleontologist.) So, in the interest of adding some cheesecake to the website, I have posted my Top 5. And now, without further ado, here's my list...

 

Jessica Alba

Though she'd been in some other roles, it was Dark Angel that made everyone notice Jessica Alba. She's been in some big films since (like Fantastic Four, which I never bothered to see because it sounded like Sucktastic Four), but playing Nancy in Sin City was definitely eye-catching.

But face it -- Jessica Alba is as hot as the day is long, no matter how much she does or doesn't wear, even if it's just jean shorts.

 

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Elisha Cuthbert

Though she spent most of her time on 24 running around in half-ass plots involving mountain lions, convenience store robberies, an amnesiac mother, and a run-in with a survival nut in his fallout shelter, she always looked good playing Kim Bauer. And hey, at the end of the day, that's all that was really required of her, and she's very good at looking good.

It wasn't like she was put in a bikini, although she coulda pulled that off, too. She's pretty talented that way.

 

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Jessica Biel

This old WB girl got her start on 7th Heaven, though I couldn't tell you who she played on account of I hate that kind of hippie goody two shoes crap.

However, her inspired turns in The Rules of Attraction, along with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and Blade: Trinity make it obvious that she's not only hot (which is obvious, as Esquire named her the the sexiest woman alive in 2005), she might also display some longevity as an actress. And that's despite having been in a movie with Freddie Prinze, Jr.


 

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Gisele Bundchen

Men the world over rejoiced when she and Leonardo DiCaprio called it quits!!! Fact is, Gisele Bundchen is as hot as the day is long. Although she's best known for appearing in pictures that are as revealing as possible, her recent attempt at acting may imply she's trying to expand her horizons.


 

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Grace Park

She hasn't been in all that much, but let's face it -- she's hot.

Playing Sharon "Boomer" Valerii on the updated Battlestar Galactica series on the Sci-Fi Channel, Grace Park doesn't get much of a chance to wear skimpy lingerie (or at least parts thereof) or lie around in front of a fireplace, but she does get to wield firearms, so that's cool.


 

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As in Friends Ross had his conundrum of how to make the cut to five when he had six choices, so do I face the Herculean task of limiting myself to only five. So, in the proud tradition of people who can't make decisions, I'm gonna just throw in a sixth. After all, I have the luxury of knowing I'll never run into any of these women in a New York coffee house, only to be burned by the fact that I cut the wrong one from my list. (Strange how real life is better than a sit-com in this respect. Though the fact that this is real life means that I'll never meet any of these women, and not just the top five out of six... so I guess real life actually sorta sucks as far as that goes.) So here it is, my first runner-up...

Qi Shu (or Shu Qi, depending on what continent you're on)

Is she a cutie, or a hottie? Does she embrace the image of a kick-ass action chick, or is she better off being classy or even sultry? Does it really matter?

Employing the wisdom of Icy Mike Molson, I can only say that I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers. Hell, I wouldn't kick her out of bed if she decided to add some honey to the crackers to do a sorta edible tar & feathering type thing. In fact, that's an idea with some potential...