The Amazing Maze
Ferris wheels and bumper cars are fun
But those rides just aren't for everyone
Bought my ticket I'm gonna have my run in the maze
If I don't come back out right away
Gimme time atleast to have a day
Don't just leave me lost and thrown away in the maze
"Hello ladies and gentlemen. I'm Jeff Neple."
"And I'm Jim Bojizum."
"Welcome to the Dark Carnival's Amazing Maze."
"Over 5,000 ways to get in and no way out."
"Let's meet todays volunteer, this is Rick."
"We like to call him Rick the dick."
"Dickface here is a wealthy entropeaneur who smacks his wife around and buys his way in and out of everything."
"Let's see how Mr. Tough Guy fairs up in the Amazing Maze."
What up bitch?
I'm Violent J, I'll be your guide for today, k
Good, got mad doors and mad floors
Hallways, crawlways, walls for days
Make a left just before you make a right
And your left should be to your right
If your left's right, right?
Good, begin the show
Go ahead boy and open up the first door
Welcome to a theatrical thriller
Meet Jack Dubby
A serial killer with a chainsaw
He gets your arm with an elbow
You get em back if you make it out, though
Fuck!
Ain't no use cryin' all day
You need to take your bitch ass back down the hallway
You gotta be a man
At least you learn
Everything you get in the maze you find
Keep runnin'
Times a tickin' on the clock
You might wanna tie that stump up with a sock
Turn right
It might look the same
But you're makin' tracks through the room of thumbtacks
This really ain't shit
About a million tacks and the room spins a bit
If you stay on your feet you'll be ok
Ha ha ha ha
So you got a few tacks in your balls
Pick em all up and head right back down the halls
Whats this? Deadend, door's locked
It's a long way back, just knock
Ohhh! Shoulda turned around, no doubt
Ain't nothin' that we gotta sit and argue about
Keep goin'
Make a left
Right, left
Now run straight ahead some more
Open up the door
"Satin sheets. Nice breeze. Relax ninja, take it with eaze. The maze is a place of magic. Many surprises, your dick rizez. Lay down, expect the best. In comes your lover with the hairy chest."
"Hello sexy. I'm Grim Love. And I'm gonna have a look at your uhh... McDud."
Aww shit!
You feel for that!
I ain't gonna tell ya you got your hole ring tapped
All that dissin' of the opposite sex
And look who just got their butthole flexed
Wait..
What's that?
The walls are closin' in
Fuck that!
Hurry! Run for your life!
Ohh...
He'll be alright
Ha ha ha ha ha
"How's that sit with ya Jimbo?"
"First he gets plugged with bullets. Then he gets his butt plugged."
"I think he's a fuckin' idiot Jeff. I mean what kinda asshole can't find his way outta this maze? You gotta be a real dick buffer to wind up here in the first place."
"Right you are Jimbo."
"Let's watch the big dick fuck up some more."
Alrighty, ain't no need to fear
If theirs a way out it's gotta be near
Hey yo, look
A phone
You still got one good arm
So it's on
Can ya hear?
Ahhh! Terd in your ear
Drop it the phone's got a life of its own
"Kiss me man. Hey, come on!
Slip down the slide
Go faster
Bed of nails
Disaster!
Quite screamin' help
Hurry the fuck up and open the door
Woods, trees, your outside
Lots of places for creeps ta hide
Watch your step
Rat trap!
Caught your foot and the ankles left
Creep it off with the stump
Felt somethin' in the rump
Hunters
Ya! They're gonna getcha
How does it feel bitch?
Get the picture?
Back in doors
Hey, at last
Look at your family behind the glass
They look weird
They're sayin somethin
Listen up
"You're fucked now. You're fucked now."
Ohhh...
They're laughin and they're pointin at you
At least you know what they're sayin's true
It's one last door
You may get home
Or "What?"
Once again it's on
Ferris wheels and bumper cars are fun
But those rides just aren't for everyone
Bought my ticket I'm gonna have a run in the maze
If I don't come back out right away
Gimme time...
"Hey! Hey man cut that shit! Tha fuck man?! Happy, friendly shit. Man fuck that! Supposed to be wicked in this bitch. Man, turn that shit off!"