"A day without sunshine is like, well, night.."
"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower."
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you."
"What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?"
"Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?"
"If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then is the opposite of progress, congress?"
"How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
"Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an Ambulance."
"Why do they put Braille dots, on the key pads of the drive-up ATM machine?"
"Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?"
"Who don't psychics pick their own lottery numbers?"
I don't mind door to door salesmen. Come to my house and I have a sign on the fence that reads, "Salesman Welcome. Dog food is expensive."