Holiday Recipe-Fruitcake
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey
- Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Get a large bowl.
- Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
- Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
- Make sure the whiskey is STILL okay. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
- Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.
- If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
- Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
- Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
- Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table ... one spoon .. of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven.
- Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
- Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again.
- Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
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