Bumper Stickers

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?

Individualists Unite!

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

JESUS saves . . . They Pass It To Gretzky . He Shoots .. He .. Scores!

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot

Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Grow your own dope, plant a politician

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Hang up and drive.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

Dial 911 and make a fireman come.

Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

It has been said "Black holes were created when God divided by zero"

Honk If You Want To See My Finger

Only users lose drugs

Everyone has a photographic memory. Not everyone has film.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it, done it, can't remember it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you are still an idiot.

All generalizations are false.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

I brake for no apparent reason.

Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

My kid can kick your Honor Student's ass.

If you lived here, you'd be home now.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Few women admit their age, few men act it.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Funny Stuff