Top 10 Lists

10. Replenish all the brain cells that Jun-yur's "stupidity vortex" sucks out of each character he comes in contact with.

9. Clean all the brushes in the mansion so that they can add hair to Jun-yur's ever growing Chia-Head when he comes back. It's not like he'd notice.

8. Post pictures of Jun-yur in Michael's room so that the kid might actually get a clue as to the identity of the "whiny little man that doesn't spend time with me."

7. Reupholsterr the booster chair behind the "big boy desk" at ELQ.

6. Restock the men's (sort of) section of the new "Retro 70's Shoppe" with tacky suits, wide clown ties, and platforms. Disco Jun-yur is comin' back to town!!

5. Add a book to his nightstand. "Marriage for Dummies. How to Get Your Wife to Tolerate Your Presence Despite the Fact that Your Brother is More of a Man Than You."

4. Adopt a Thug. Bring Jun-yur's arsonist back to town and give him a room at the Q Mansion.

3. Buy him a pet. The Truffle Smelling Pigs need a home and Jun-yur needs someone to sleep with (since his wife won't).

2. Let Annabel out of the basement. The coast is clear. That whiny little man that keeps trying to hump her leg is gone.

1. Parrr-teeeee! A week without Jun-yur is a week without wanting to stick cocktail forks in your eye sockets.

10. We can shamelessly watch Jason and Carly play tonsil hockey until the tape wears out and our remote controls explode.

9. We get to be called cool names like "Snarlyites" and "Carlyphiles," not to mention "Prostitutes."

8. We love to wear HOT lime green blouses, especially if our boobs protrude enough to annoy our more puritan acquaintances.

7. We understand that laundry carts are multi-functional and any chick with imagination and a bottle of Wild Turkey can accomplish anything!

6. We're all siting around in 3D glasses, joint in one hand, bottle of Thunderbird in the other, drooling in the anticipation of touching Jason's nekkid chest!

5. We all secretly want to marry our mother's 4th or 5th husbands. (How many times HAS Bobbie been married, anyway?)

4. It's time to wash the monogrammed sheets we sold our first-born sons for, but damned if the sleeves of our fake fur coats keep getting in the way.

3. Even trash like us can't eat and talk about truffle smelling pigs at the same time without throwing up our Hamburger Helper.

2. You can preach to us, send us manifestos of the EEEVILS of Carly, slam us, degrade us, swear about us, love us, hate us, and gossip in the privacy of your e-mail discussion groups, but we do not waver. Carly is our girl!

1. Trollops and Skanks and Tramps....OH MY!

10. A silver lighter engraved with "LOOZER" so that Jun-yur can set his own warehouse fires instead of hiring arsonists to do it for him.

9. A gold plated laundry cart with a license plate that says "JAS GRL" for Carly to store her dumb-as-a-post husband in while she goes to the Penthouse to get some lovin' from a REAL MAN.

8. His and her twin beds, because you KNOW she's not sharing sheets with Jun-yur.

7. Two Words...BODY CONDOMS

6. Two More Words....BIG POPPA! (inside joke for Jason/Carly fans...we KNOW who Big Poppa is!!!)

5. Estee Lauder Lip Lining pencil in Cherry Red. If she's going to have to kiss Junebug's lips, she's going to have to find them, first.

4. A Kids R Us charge account so that she can clothe her son and her husband and never leave the same store.

3. Starkist Tuna Cans (preferably empty). Jun-yur needs to protect the family jewels when Michael starts throwing his toys at him.

2. "Honeymooning For Dummies....How to Keep Your New Wife From Screwing Your Brother on Your Wedding Night."

1. Airline ticket to Paris for One. No return flight, made out to Mr. Alan Quartermaine, Jr.

10. That "fish only" diet that AJ is feeding Carly will certainly take care of those protruding boobs that offends so many of PCO's moral majority.

9. An alley cat with no morals like Carly must have a doofus she can order around, and damned if AJ doesn't fall for her crap everytime!

8. Who wants to see shirtless shots of Jason and THE BODY when we can see shots of AJ and his clown ties?

7. So what if a steamy couple like Carly and Jason would raise temperatures and ratings? Soap Operas now should be cleansed and taped on Walton's Mountain. Maybe Della Reece and Roma Downey can also drop by.

6. Strong, silent, hulking, borg-like man who only talks when completely necessary and looks good all the time....OR....bratty, spoiled, whining, yapping, arson hiring, jealous little boy who never got off the bench at soccer? Hmmmmmmm, what a tough one!

5. Why bother Carly with stiff necks from dancing with a man taller than herself? It's much more comfortable to slouch down to your dance partner.

4. We all know Jason LOVES Robin, even though she used a ginsu knife on his heart, and slupped one in his back while she was at it. Some fans can't let go, so why should Jason??

3. Trailer trash like Carly NEEDS someone like AJ to teach her the finer things in life, like how truffles are sniffed out by pigs and what BIG BOYS on the wagon drink: sparkling water with a splash of grenadine.

2. Marrying a Spencer into the Q family fold would certainly piss off Unca Luke and he hasn't had much to worry about lately.

1. Too Much Tongue in kissing scenes is justoffensive!!!!