To all,
Something that I have had trouble with is how to handle the deaths
of
brethren, especially those to whom I was close. And I'd like to share
my
thoughts about this with all of you in case anyone else has had this
problem too.
In COBU, there was this unwritten rule that if you were unhappy about
the death of one of us it belied various "spiritual sins" that we were
harboring, ("secret sin" is another term I remember in vogue back then);
not walking by faith, looking to the flesh, looking to this world,
indulging feelings, not putting the Resurrection first, and so on.
But we have our humanity and we have our new spirit. And we live in
this world. But we have the ability and strength to turn away from
our
feelings, in a reasonable time, and continue on because we, and this
is
most important, have hope. Our doctrine in this matter reflected on
all
the other aspects of our life at that time; Marriage, friendships,
our
treatment of the unsaved, our business dealings, etc.
Besides being God's people, we were supposed to be "decent people"
as
well and this was not ever emphasized. We forsook common human
kindnesses towards each other and even the unsaved to be "purely in
the
spirit". This was a necessary ploy in order to perpetuate the kind
of
abuse we engaged in, (whether this was a deliberate ploy on the part
of
the leadership is not certain, and requires looking into, but that
is
beyond the scope of my message here). However, to acknowledge normal
decent behavior would have exposed this view for being the nonsense
that
it was. I remember a brother who lost his wife, a gentle and loving
sister, sometime in 77. This brother was manfully keeping up a brave
front and strove with all his might, but the grief was written all
over
his face. And I remember feeling quite bad for him to have to juggle
his
psyche like that.
But since we have the ability to know when to stop, we can miss and
grieve for those who are no longer with us, without guilt. This touched
me personally just recently when I found that a brother with whom I
spent a lot of time may have died of exposure as a homeless person.
I
won't disclose his name because it is not confirmed yet and for the
sake
of what I am trying to say here is not relevant. When I first heard
this
story, I felt real sorrow. It really hurt. This brother had actually
come to Florida where I was living to visit me in 82. But my first
reaction was to quickly add something hollow about him "being with
Jesus, now, Praise God!", but I wasn't happy saying it. Of course,
the
accuser was right there, but this incident gave me pause to think.
Why
was it wrong to feel these things? Or perhaps it wasn't:
I was then reminded of Stephan's martyrdom in Acts 8:2 "Devout men
buried Stephan and made great lamentation over him." This says it all.
These same devout men knew quite well that their brother went to be
with
Jesus, but they were going to miss his fellowship and company
regardless. So, simply put, "If they can do it so can we". I haven't
researched this completely and I think I recall there being other
similar references in Paul's letters. If you can find them and post
them
it may help to release those who among us who are similarly weighed
down.
Chris Hirtler
To all,
