When it comes to trying to show your best face, Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced
'bouquet') is simply in a class of her own. Obsessed with etiquette and
social class, she presides over 'little candlelit dinners', 'in-door out-door
buffets', bans the use wearing shoes indoor, of the back door, and ensures
her empty milk bottles sparkle on her doorstep. Her husband, Richard,
has become resigned to his miserable life - but unfortunately her own family
let it be known to the world the side down badly. Frightfully common, they
are a source of constant shame for super-snob Hyacinth. Award-winning actress
Patricia Routledge plays Roy Clarke's comic monster in a role which British
and American audiences have taken to their hearts.
Managed by Daniel Berry
Index
At the Bucket Residence
At Elizabeth's
At the house where there is no room for a pony or a Mercedes
At the house where there is room for a pony and a Mercedes
At the Vicarage
"I'm trying to go that way!"
"I am completely surrounded by NO BEER!"
"Someone must of thrown Hyacinth overboard"
"Now what are they going to do?"
Click here
to return to the Greeting Room
The Episodes
"The New Vicar" (5-Nov-90)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth and Elizabeth go through a dress rehearsal for the special
occasion. "There must be wholesome, non-controversial conversation, and
if it flags, I will whip out the album of snaps of dear Sheridan throughout
his life." states Hyancith. Meanwhile her sister Rose, at Daisy's house,
threatens suicide, broken-hearted over Mr. Hepplewhite, who has gone back
to his wife. During tea for the vicar and his wife, Rose appears and finds
the Vicar to be very handsome. Then Onslow and Daisy show up and give the
vicar a sight to remember. The Vicar ends up down the street with
Rose all over him as his wife, left behind, stews. What a disaster, utters
Hyacinth.
Series 1, Episode 2
"Stately Home" (12-Nov-90)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth commands Richard to drive to Daisys, as she decides she cannot
go blithely off to Carldon Hall without first visiting Daddy. Approaching
Daisy's door, Hyacinth meets the newest addition to the family, Onslow's
dog. Daisy serves tea in her cracked mugs and Hyacinth gives Richard a
disapproving look. He reassures her with a broad wink. She visibly relaxes
against the sofa cushion and -- crunch! -- one of Onslow's empty bevvies
is now prepared for recycling! Her duty done,
Hyacinth and Richard drive on to Carldon Hall. Hyacinth stations herself
outside the door to the family apartments. She mets her Ladyship at a garden
party and once she catches their eye, they'll be honor bound to invite
the Buckets to tea. The aristocracy always recognize quality. 'Why am I
wearing this hat?' she asks Richard, for which he has no ready answer.
"Oh no! Is that Onslow's voice? What's he doing here? Come to rescue Richard?
Richard doesn't need rescuing. He's in very capable hands." Hyacinth states
as she takes his arm. It is time to leave Carldon Hall. On their way to
the car, Richard and Hyacinth pause momentarily behind a low wall in the
garden -- excuse me -- this is an area not open to the public. 'It's all
right,' Hyacinth tells the gardener, 'I'm an old friend of her Ladyship.'
Driving home, Hyacinth is heard to remark, 'How was I to know he wasn't
the gardener? They must be very low down on the aristocratic scale if his
Lordship looks like a gardener!'
Series 1, Episode 3
"The Charity Shop" (19-Nov-90)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Richard's off to work, but he's forgotten something -- Hyacinth's goodbye
kiss. Was it worth returning for? On the less fortunate side of town, an
old lady -- Daddy's fiancee -- has arrived. Daisy phones Hyacinth. Her
dilemma: Liz must drive her to Daisy's without seeing Daisy's deplorable
house. Hyacinth springs into action, leaving Liz in the car at a safe distance,
studying an informative newspaper article. At Daisy's, Hyacinth investigates
and ferrets out the necessary information. Liz drives Hyacinth to the old
lady's house and Hyacinth commands her son to collect his mother. Hyacinth
and Liz arrive to work at the Charity Shop. Mrs ouncillor Nugent
is in charge. There's more to life than being all dolled up for the opposite
sex, she informs them just as Rose comes to donate her things. She won't
need them now Mr Blenkinsop has left . Hyacinth phones Richard, who leaves
work to drive her to Daisy's. Rose thinks the old lady's son could replace
Mr Blenkinsop. He leaves at once, Mother in tow. Meanwhile, Mrs Councillor
Nugent returns Rose's 'x- certificate underwear'. To save Rose further
embarrassment, Hyacinth speaks to Mrs Nugent through the letterbox in her
best Norwegian accent, reminiscent of the disagreeable aunt in the West
End musical, 'I Remember Mama'. But enough. Richard must get back to the
office. And Hyacinth to the Charity Shop, where shirts -- Onslow -- are
available at giveaway prices.
Series 1, Episode 4
"Daisy's Toyboy" (26-Nov-90)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Ladies luncheon
At another church event, table setting is supervised by Hyacinth. All
the other women except Elizabeth quickly disappear to the back room. Meanwhile,
Daisy tries to make Onslow jealous with a motorcycling 17-year-old 'toy
boy', a cast-off of Rose, who helps her to dress properly for this new
role. Onslow hunts up Richard, feeling sorry for him and wanting to take
him out drinking. He finds R. at the church, where Hyacinth, embarrassed
as usual at Onslow's appearance urges them to go around back. Little does
she know a hymn sing is in progress in back. In a great finale they both
end up hymn-singing with the Ladies' Circle as Daisy roars in on motor-
cycle with toy-boy, and Hyacinth looks on in horror.
Series 1, Episode 5
"The Christening" (3-Dec-90)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Daisy and Onslow's unwed daughter has had a child. The christening
is to take place at a local church (not that with the dishy vicar attended
by Hyacinth. and Elizabeth), and Onslow has organized a gathering to be
held afterwards at a local pub. But all wait at the church in vain -- no
daughter and baby appear. It starts to rain. Word comes that the party
has a dead battery on a nearby country road. Richard and Hyacinth volunteer
to go pick them up. After driving too far, it gradually becomes clear that
the colorful van with hippies standing near it that they passed must have
been their party. Richard, with jumper cables, gets their van started,
as he and H. try to ascertain which of the two male hippies is the father.
(They both claim to be). Then Richard's car quits and cannot be started,
and they all must ride back to the church in the van. You should see Hyacinth's
expression as she extricates herself from it in front of the waiting crowd
at the church.
Series 1, Episode 6
Series Two
Driving Mrs Fortescue (8-Sep-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
What a coup! Mrs Fortescue -- her sister married a baronet -- has chosen Richard
and Hyacinth to drive her to town. Hyacinth rehearses Richard in correct conversation,
posture, doorbell ringing, and smiling. Violet interrupts, phoning about Bruce.
He's gone off again, to Sherwood Forest, as Maid Marian. At Mrs Fortescue's,
Richard performs admirably, though the old lady's walking stick strikes him
very oddly as he helps her into the car. He should try to be more sociable.
Driving into town, Richard has the benefit of two back-seat drivers to guide
him and -- isn't that Rose and Daisy at the bus stop? They join Mrs Fortescue,
who is enthralled with Rose's tales of her romantic affairs, as is Richard.
Hyacinth is not amused. Stop! There's a pub. The girls need a stiffener. They
escort Mrs Fortescue into the pub. Hyacinth sends Richard to rescue her. He
is gone a very long time. Hyacinth never goes into a public house, especially
one with Onslow's bicycle parked outside. Fortunately, the window cleaner's
ladder is handy. Hyacinth uses it inventively to try to attract Richard's
attention while avoiding that of Mrs Barker-Finch, only to meet her some distance
away under rather unusual circumstances. Back at the pub, Hyacinth accepts
Onslow's offer of a
very large whisky to celebrate Mrs Fortescue's win at darts. At last, Richard
and Hyacinth drive Mrs Fortescue home, but -- look! Who is that man, waving,
dressed as Maid Marian? You have interesting relatives, Mrs Bucket. It's Bou-quet,
Mrs Fortescue, Bou-quet!
Series 2, Episode 2
"The Candlelight Supper" (15-Sep-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Recovering from his divorce, Emmet tries a little therapeutic gardening.
Hyacinth surprises him with a song, inviting him and Liz to her candlelight
supper. In the kitchen, Richard is polishing the silver and breathing distastefully.
Across town, Rose has dumped Boris, and Mr Helliwell is coming to call.
The house needs tidying. But 'given the transience of life, biology's awesome
potential for instability, and the possible meaninglessness of the entire
universe,' Onslow doesn't think it's worth the bother. Rose decides Mr
Helliwell can pick her up at our Hyacinth's. It's a more well-regulated
household. Candlelight supper table preparations complete, Hyacinth brings
Richard in to gauge his response. 'It looks very nice,' he says. 'Very
nice? Is that the extent of your enthusiasm?' Richard feels it wise to
try again. Hyacinth calls for a second opinion. Elizabeth knows how to
appreciate a table properly. Richard breathes a tasteful sigh of relief.
Sheridan phones to wish his mummy every success for her entertaining. He
needs L70. Not to spend on girls, Sheridan! No, he and Tarquin aren't interested
in girls. What a comfort to a
mother's heart. The entertainment underway, guests begin to arrive
-- Liz and Emmet. Rose! Mr Helliwell! Boris! The activity on the front
porch raises the decibel level of the neighbourhood considerably, inspiring
Hyacinth to a similar endeavour. Rose dismisses Mr Helliwell and Boris.
She's going to stay for supper and help Emmet recover from his painful
divorce. 'I think I will have that drink, now, Richard,' says our Emmet.
Series 2, Episode 3
Three-Piece Suite (22-Sep-91
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth is getting a new one, to be delivered very shortly by a van
with the Royal Seal. (She has phoned to be sure the truck will have a seal).
Hyacinth plans to phone the high-born lady across the street when the van
arrives, thus insuring that from her window she sees the van with the royal
seal. Parking cones are arranged to be sure no one parks in front of the Bucket
(pronounced Bouquet) residence at the critical time. Hyacinth offers the old
three-piece suite to Daisy and Onslow. He shows up to collect it just as the
new one is about to be delivered. Hyacinth sends Onslo away as Richard pays
the delivery van driver to go around the block one more time. The van has
an accident, so Onslow rescues and delivers the new three-piece suite in his
borrowed less-than grand truck. Hyacinth cringes, but as lest she gets her
three piece suite, which is a replica of the one at Sandringham House.
Series 2, Episode 4
Hyacinth Tees Off (29-Sep-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
The Buckets come to join the Major and his wife for a weekend break. But the
Major is alone. Richard fetches him while Hyacinth makes new friends. They
think the sounds from Room 210 are disturbing. 'Yes, noises like that can
be very disconcerting for a considerate husband like mine,' Hyacinth agrees.
Accompanying them round the grounds, she spots Onslow and Daisy! She hurries
to tell Richard. As she passes Room 210, who should emerge but Rose -- just
as the Major rounds the corner. At the door of the Buckets' room, Hyacinth
is shocked to see Richard in a compromising situation with the maid. 'Getting
into the holiday spirit, are we, old chap?' asks the Major. His dicky leg
preventing him playing golf, he invites Hyacinth for a drink. Richard is going
golfing with Porky Hooton. 'Oh that's very public school!' Hyacinth is thrilled
as she drives off with the Major. Stopping on a country lane, he sighs, 'Alone
at last.' 'Major, what are you doing?!' asks our innocent flower. Matronly
ladies are the Major's problem, but Hyacinth is a member of the choral society
and after three attempts, she extricates herself from his little two seater.
Making her way through a flock of grazing sheep, she arrives at the hotel
somewhat the worse for wear just as Onslow and Daisy prepare to collect Rose
and Richard emerges in his golfing gear. But there will be no golf today --
the Buckets are leaving! For driving to and from Chesford Grange safely with
Richard, Hyacinth wears a beige suit with green striped blouse and Tyrolean
hat. For struggling with the Major and being chased by the sheep, she wears
a rose
and green flowered blouson for the first and last time. The pearls survive
intact.
Series 2, Episode 5
"Problems With Relatives" (6-Oct-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Who ever would have thought- ANOTHER family crisis! Bruce is up a tree,
dressed in womens clothing. And Daddy's run off to get married. Hyacinth
calls Richard at work. He's in the middle of an important meeting. Of course,
that's of no consequence to Hyacinth. She needs him...IMMEDIATELY! Hyacinth
gets a lift into town with Emmet and Elizabeth while Onslow and Daisy offer
to take the wheelchair and meet her at the Register's office. When Hyacinth
gets there, Richard's
already waiting outside. Hyacinth rushes through the door and finds
a woman "assisting" Daddy. Hyacinth lectures the woman about forcing Daddy
into marriage. Poor helpless Daddy. "What's she talking about?" the woman
asks Richard. "I want you to prefer kidnapping charges against this woman,"
Hyacinth says to Richard. "Madam, I'm the Registrar," the woman says. Daisy
and Onslow finally arrive and Daddy is saved. Hyacinth and Richard follow
as Onslow and Daisy push Daddy down the street. Of course, they follow
a "safe" distance behind so no one will know they're together. Emmet and
Liz happen to drive by and offer a lift. Hyacinth panics. Where will they
go? Liz can't see Onslow's house. Hyacinth gets an idea. They'll go to
Violet's! When they get there, the Mercedes is parked out front...what
good luck for Hyacinth. Unfortunately, Bruce is still in the tree. Before
everyone figures out what Bruce is doing, Hyacinth herds everyone out of
there. But now where will they go. "I think we should go in this direction,"
Hyacinth says as they pull out of the driveway. "Daddy's always liked this
direction."
Series 2, Episode 6
"Singing For Emmet" (13-Oct-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Emmet is determined to make a clean getaway. Starting the car's engine
will attract the wrong sort of attention. Liz freewheels down the drive
-- just as Hyacinth walks up the Avenue. She offers Richard's mechanical
services. With just a word, the engine roars into action! Now Liz and Emmet
can be off to the church hall. Emmet is going to perform for the old people.
What a thoughtful idea -- Emmet can play and Hyacinth will sing! Across
town, Rose, betrayed for the last time, is going to become a nun. Fortifying
herself with tranquilizers, she leaves to get a recommendation from the
dishy Vicar. Back on the Avenue, Richard receives an important phone call.
How does he feel about taking early retirement? Hyacinth tells him, 'Oh,
Richard, we'll be together all day and every day! They arrive at the church
hall to see Rose wobbling up the drive on her tranquilized legs. Settling
her into the store cupboard to rest, Hyacinth rehearses with Emmet. He
is not a satisfactory accompanist. He leaves to get another chair from
the cupboard. He returns with Rose, just as the Vicar arrives, glimpses
the Bucket woman, and
suddenly remembers another errand. Liz and Emmet help the Buckets restore
Rose to her prone position in the cupboard, where the Vicar's wife finds
them both in a compromising position. 'It's all right,' Rose assures her.
'I'm going to be a nun.' For this episode, Hyacinth is seen, first in her
pale blue-flowered housedress. For singing with Emmet, Richard suggests
a hunter green paisley sheath with velvet trim and a satin bow hat with
veil. The pearls are not in evidence. Preoccupied with
thoughts of Hyacinth as a sort of 'recurring motif' running through
his early retirement, Richard has forgotten the pearls.
Series 2, Episode 7
"The Toy Store" (20-Oct-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
When Daddy overspends in a toy department, dresses up as a spaceman
and proceeds to go on the rampage, Hyacinth is forced to intervene. Unless
the damage is paid for, the owners threaten to apprehend him as a `security'
risk.
series 2, Episode 8
Picnic For Daddy (27-Oct-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
It's 1 a.m. and Richard can't sleep. Hyacinth is planning a picnic
for Daddy. Later, she phones Daisy to get Daddy ready. Sheridan phones
requesting money for new pajamas, silk, like his friend, Tarquin's. How
wonderful Sheridan is mixing with such a nice class of person! Richard
puts the final touch on Hyacinth's newly baked cake. Arriving to collect
Daddy, Hyacinth intercepts Mr Butterfield's call. Rose is arguing with
him, which is no way to treat one of the town's leading commercial
families. 'It's not that Butterfield,' says our Rose. 'This one is
a total drek without a penny to his name!' There is no need for further
conversation with Mr Butterfield. Time to leave for the picnic, but where's
Daddy? Daddy's left, driving Richard's car. Onslow postpones his unstylish
errand for his cousin, Ralphie. All pile into his car and go in hot pursuit,
hoping Daddy doesn't drive at speeds incompatible with Hyacinth's cut-glass
condiment set. Onslow's car quits, and Daddy speeds off over the hill.
The Vicar and his wife come by and give the family a lift. 'It's been a
long time since I've sat on your lap, Onslow,' Daisy coos. Rose enjoys
a newfound closeness with the dishy Vicar. Ever socially correct, Hyacinth
inquires, 'What is the missionary position in China, Vicar?' The Vicar
drives them to Ralphie's to collect his furniture. Liz and Emmet see the
laden car. A picnic? 'It looks like they're prepared for every eventuality,'
remarks Liz. For this episode, Hyacinth is seen, first, in her pink silk
nightdress with matching curler hat. For the picnic, she wears an aqua
silk blouse with cream skirt and an aqua and cream flowered jacket. An
aqua hat trimmed with plums which the Vicar's dog finds quite tasty. And
the pearls.
Series 2, Episode 9
"Onlsow's Birthday" (3-Nov-91)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth's reluctance to attend Onslow's birthday party vanishes when
Daisy tells her Rose's gentleman friend, Mr Marinopolous, will pick them
up in his limousine. This calls for an important birthday present. Richard
meets Hyacinth at the jewelers. Hyacinth thinks cufflinks would be appropriate.
For Onslow? 'He never wears a shirt,' Richard says. But, of course, 18
karat gold cufflinks would encourage him. Onslow must not be presented
with something cheap and tawdry in front of
Rose's wealthy Greek boyfriend. Next day, Mr Marinopolous comes to
call for Rose, Onslow, and Daisy, who thinks he's quite romantic. His limousine
is in for repairs, but he's brought his other vehicle. 'You liked him kissing
your hand, did you?' Onslow asks our Daisy. 'Wait till midnight, he'll
probably go for your neck.' They ride off to Onslow's birthday party in
Mr Marinopolous' business vehicle. On Blossom Avenue, a pre-luncheon cocktails
and canape hour is in progress at the Buckets. Just a few select friends
who are scheduled to leave as Mr Marinopolous drives up in his limousine.
But 'why does that hearse keep going round and round?' Richard asks Hyacinth.
'I'll tell you later,' she answers. 'But this much I'll tell you now: there's
a pair of cufflinks that's going back to the jewelers first thing in the
morning. Happy Birthday, Onslow!' For this episode, Hyacinth is seen, first,
in her pale blue-flowered house dress. For buying Onslow's present, she
changes to a suit of many colours, which gains a peplum effect as the day
progresses, and a coordinating hat with frou frou trim. For her cocktails
and canape hour (NOT Onslow's birthday party), she changes to a red, green,
and blue flowered two-piece which Major Wilton-Smythe never quite manages
to get his hands on. And, as always, the pearls.
Series 2, Episode 10
Series Three
How To Enhance Your Husband's Retirement (6-Sep-92)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Poor Richard! Early retirement's started. Hyacinth invites Liz over for morning
coffee. Of course, Liz spills her coffee on Hyacinth's rug. Liz is mortified.
But Hyacinth assures her it's all right. "She's not one to make a fuss." They're
interrupted by Violet's phone call. Violet tells Hyacinth that Bruce has taken
up Latin American Ballroom dancing. Hyacinth thinks it's wonderful, until
Violet explains that Bruce is NOT the one wearing the trousers. Meanwhile,
back at work, Richard begs to be able to stay. He'll do anything. But his
boss thinks it's best to make a clean break. Richard offers to work mornings...or
afternoons...or mornings AND afternoons. The boss firmly says it's time for
Richard to go. Richard gives in. Back at home Hyacinth is getting ready to
entertain Mrs. Henderson who, according to Hyacinth, can get Richard a prestigious
job. Hyacinth gets ready to give her the full treatment. But all her plans
are for naught. Rose has a date with Roger and she's told Roger a small fib.
She said she lives with Hyacinth and tells him to pick her up there. He shows
up right before Hyacinth's scheduled tea time with a very large dog. "Olive"
sits down in Hyacinth's driveway and refuses to move. Elizabeth and Hyacinth
try everything to move her but nothing works...until Mrs. Henderson walks
around the corner with a small dog on a leash. Olive sees the little dog and
takes off after him. Mrs. Henderson wisely drops the leash and Olive chases
the dog down the street. Unfortunately, Hyacinth never let go of Olive's leash.
She yells to Mrs. Henderson that she'll "be right with her" as she runs by,
struggling to keep up with Olive.
Series 3, Episode 1
Iron Age Remains (13-Sep-92)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Celebrating Richard's early retirement, Hyacinth guides him on a trek
to study Iron-Age remains, an excursion marred by Richard's inattentiveness
whilst tree-climbing. Back home, Hyacinth invites Elizabeth to tea and
sends Richard to potter in the garden, where he commits an irresponsible
act . 'Eek!' Hyacinth interrupts her tea-drinking to rush outside and put
Richard and Emmet right as Onslow and Daisy arrive. Rose has locked herself
in her room for love of Edgar. Hormones running riot, she's sent for the
Vicar. Going to her rescue, Hyacinth worries about Rose's outrageous hormones,
'I'm sure the rest of the
family are stable, hormone-wise.' Richard agrees, 'I'll second that.'
Hyacinth orders Rose to open her door, but Rose wants to see Richard. 'I
don't mind going in,' he offers. 'You stay where you are!' Hyacinth commands,
ordering Rose downstairs in five minutes. Ten minutes later, it's gone
deadly quiet upstairs. Hyacinth sends Richard up a ladder to look in Rose's
window but, surprised by Onslow's dog, she brings him down straightway.
As Richard recovers on the sofa, Daisy announces a miracle cure: Rose has
looked out her window and seen the Vicar coming. Hyacinth tells Richard
to recover at once and fetch the car whilst
she cancels Rose's appointment with the Vicar. As the Buckets drive
away, Rose comes out in her mini mourning negligee. Richard runs the car
up on the pavement and the Vicar leaps the hedge for safety. 'Can I give
you a hand, Vicar?" asks our Rose. For this episode, Hyacinth is seen first
in her lavender flowered housedress. For Iron-Age study, she changes to
a tan skirt, jacket, hat, and hiking boots. For the day's further adventures,
she wears her yellow and green flowery frock. Pearls are not worn for educational
purposes.
Series 3, Episode 2
Violet's Country Cottage (20-Sep-92)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth and Richard are off to the country for a BBQ in Violet's cottage
for the weekend. Gleefully, the neighbors line the streets to give her
a full send-off. Hyacinth waves majestically. Emmitt is obviously thrilled--that
is until Elizabeth tells him that they have both been invited, and Elizabeth
has accepted on their behalf. At Onslow's, all are thrilled at the invitation,
excepting Onslow; Daddy's even bringing his "Mrs. Thing", a mysterious
foreinger. After the Buckets arrive at the cottage, Richard meets an odd
neighbor with a gun,. Hyacinth is thrilled, it's that eccentric but well
connected woman, Bunsy, that Violet told her about! As Richard searches
for the lady's dog (at Hyacinth's orders). Hyacinth and the neigbor become
quite chummy over drinks, (so chummy, that Hyacinth's staggering a bit.)
A scruffy old tramp pays a visit; Hyacinth tries to shoo him off until
she learns that it's Bunsy's husband, Dorian. Dorian seems to be feeling
his oats, and he's feeling them for Hyacinth apparently. Nevertheless,
Hyacinth invites him in for a round of drinks, and they all end up dancing
around the cottage in a conga line as Onslow and the gang arrive. Our Hyacinth,
you say? That's what Onslow seems to be wondering.
Series 3, Episode 3
How To Go On Holiday Without Really Trying (27-Sep-92)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth is jealous of traveling neighbor, picks up travel brochures
to expensive, fashionable destinations, leaves them lying about or
otherwise calls attention to them. Church cleaning day -- Hyacinth with
great enthusiasm accidentally volunteers to clean the toilets. Rose shows
up, Hyacinth finding her up a tall ladder in her usual short skirt. As
Hyacinth struggles to get her to come down she knocks ladder, and Rose
falls into the arms of the passing 'dishy' vicar, just as his wife comes
into view.
Series 3, Episode 4
"Richard's New Hobby" (4-Oct-92)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth is awaiting the arrival of Mrs. Counselor Nugent. She gives
richard his retirement present of a camcorder, he goes about to film. When
he is filming in a phone booth, he arouses the suspicion of a police officer,
who puts him in the back of the car. Th police think he is crazy. Back
home, Onslow, Daisy, and Rose come over to report that Daddy is missing.
They try to leave but the car breaks down just as Mrs. Counselor Nugent
arrives. Hyacinth tells her that they are filming a movie. Mrs. Nugent
wants to be in it. They go inside and when they come back out, right as
the police arrive; Hyacinth, Elizabeth, and Mrs. Nugent are dressed as
prostitutes. The police suspect Richard may be a rather odd fellow.
Series 3, Episode 5
"The Art Exhibition" (11-Oct-92)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
A private exhibition! Hyacinth phones the gallery's curator for tips
on art appreciation. Richard's too preoccupied looking at art books to
help Hyacinth select a hat. Really! What she's going to be wearing is far
more important than what they're not!! Daisy phones: Daddy's run off to
join the French Foreign Legion, because of Mrs Clayton. The Buckets drive
out to find him. 'Do you know which way he's gone?' Richard asks. 'To France!'
says our Hyacinth. j' Go to the roundabout and head for France!!' Rose
has gone off in Mr Finchley's van, and Onslow and Daisy make their own
excursion . Stopping for petrol, Richard and Hyacinth meet Elizabeth and
Emmet just as Mr Finchley and Rose drive by, their amours broadcast, accidently,
over the van's loudspeaker. The Buckets find Rose parked in a lay-by --
no big surprise -- and Daddy at Mrs Clayton's, carrying a sign that garners
Hyacinth no little attention as she stows it away in the car. Richard is
enlisted to mind Daddy whilst Hyacinth attends the art exhibition. At the
gallery, Hyacinth spots the Vicar. 'I didn't know you were art lovers,'
he says. 'Oh yes, we go miles for a little culture, Richard and I,' replies
Hyacinth and Richard agrees, 'It always seems like miles.' During their
conversation, Daddy slips into the art exhibition. Oh no! The Buckets rush
to rescue him. 'I rely on you Richard, to keep Daddy away from any nudes!'
warns our Hyacinth. For this episode, Hyacinth is seen in her lineny lavender-flowered
frock over which she dons the stylish tan trenchcoat and pink frou frou
hat to find Daddy. For going to the art exhibition, her ensemble must be
seen to be believed. Suffice it to say, she looks terribly artistic. Always,
the pearls.
Series 3, Episode 6
What To Wear When Yachting (18-Oct-92)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Sheridan's arranged a holiday for Mummy and Daddy on his friend's father's
yacht, moored, on the river near Oxford. Liz and Emmet will join them though
Emmet dreads spending 'a whole night on board some old bucket with another
old Bucket.' Packed and dressed for the occasion (Hyacinth, at least), the
Buckets depart, stopping enroute so Richard can be kitted out in the latest
nautical style. At the marina, Hyacinth commandeers the key to a beautiful
yacht. But she's not Contessa II, which is a disappointing- looking craft.
She'll look better moved away from the other yachts. Hyacinth assumes command
and navigates. After a shaky start, the boat stalls abruptly, causing her
Captain to pitch fore and aft. Rescued by her First Mate, Hyacinth decides
to navigate from the dock. After a drift down the river -- Hyacinth shouting
commands from shore -- Richard finally brings the boat in and positively throws
himself at her feet to help Hyacinth aboard, but the boat drifts away again
-- without Richard. Hyacinth tosses him a lifeline and reels him in. 'Stop
messing about, Richard and come aboard!' she orders. Trying to pull him into
the boat, she loses her grip and performs an unusual dive, joining Richard
in the river. Liz and Emmet arrive at this moment to find that Hyacinth's
nautical buffet has suffered a slight setback. 'We're all going home!' commands
the Captain. 'We'll buy some fish and chips.' For this episode, Hyacinth changes
from her blue housedress into the definitive yachtswoman's gear complete with
striped shirt, brass buttons, sailor hat and deck shoes, all thoroughly drenched
in the end. Pearls are not worn by sailors.
Series 3, Episode 7
Series Four
"A Job For Richard" (5-Sep-93)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth presents Richard with a golden opportunity: a chance to escape
early retirement and an eternity of dawn-to-dusk Hyacinth: namely, she
has found a vacancy in a very influential position at the Frosticles frozen
food company. Richard, surprisingly, is not eager to get back into the
rat race, but Hyacinth is adamant. Richard immediately finds himself getting
lessons in how to be forceful and executive from his beloved, but when
he mentions one of the cruder areas of the anatomy in his practice interview,
Hyacinth decided more drastic measures are in order. Meanwhile, Liz and
Emmet are having a rehearsal of their own; to help his sister learn to
stand up to her neighbor, Emmet undergoes the ultimate indignity of pretending
to be Hyacinth...however, when both brother and sister visit Hyacinth to
turn down her invitation, both are yanked into the house without having
a chance to speak. But Hyacinth must carry out her plan. She and Richard
are off to the golfing club, where! they are to meet Onslow, who, amazingly,
is told by Hyacinth NOT to wear a shirt! There is a method to Hyacinth's
madness, however...when shirtless Onslow appears menacingly on the course,
Richard is to throw him off the premises, thereby impressing the head of
the Frosticles firm who is golfing there as well. Hyacinth's plan goes
off without a hitch...that is until two real punks show up, and the head
of Frosticles, impressed by Richard's previous performance, asks him to
do his stuff on the two thugs. Richard turns chicken in the face of doom,
but when one of the delinquents assaults Hyacinth with his motorcycle,
she takes matters into her own hands, and manages to influence Mr. Frosticles
so much that he gives the post to a member of the Bucket residence. Only
not Richard.
Series 4, Episode 1
"The Commodore" (12-Sep-93)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth's on a mission! The Commodore's scheduled to be the guest
speaker at the Ladies Luncheon and it's Hyacinth's job
to pick him up at the rail station. Of course, she drags an unenthusiastic
Richard with her and problems arise. She assures
Richard that it's okay for him to park in the "no parking" space in
front of the station. The rules can't apply to her! Richard
reluctantly gives in. They go into the station but they can't find
the Commodore. They return to the car to find that it's been
"clamped." Now what do they do? Hyacinth spots the vicar at the station
and "volunteers" him to take her to the last stop on
the line, figuring that the Commodore must be there. The vicar has
no choice but to agree. They go to the last stop, but the
Commodore's not there either. Hyacinth can't think of anywhere else
to look so she has the vicar drive her back to the
luncheon where she's prepared to admit that she failed her mission.
But when she walks through the door, the Commodore's
already there and the luncheon is over and it was a smashing success.
Now the Commodore needs a ride back to the station. Of
course, Hyacinth offers the Vicar's services. Immensely proud of herself,
she and the Commodore climb into the back seat.
(Richard's still at the station "dealing" with his clamped car.) To
Hyacinth's (and the Vicar's) horror, it seems that the
Commodore is quite the ladies man. He goes after Hyacinth, full steam
ahead. "But I'm a married woman," Hyacinth says,
crouching against the car door. This doesn't bother the Commodore at
all. In fact, it doesn't even slow him down. As they
drive away with Hyacinth fighting off the Commodore's amorous advances,
it's hard to say who looks more horrified: the vicar
or our Hyacinth!
Series 4, Episode 2
Let There Be Light (19-Sep-93)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Preparing to leave for the Bring-and-Buy Sale at the Church Hall, Hyacinth
reminds Richard that she has volunteered his
services to repair the Church Hall's electrics since Richard was so
successful in repairing their Christmas tree lights. Thinking
he is back in the war and wearing his military uniform, Daddy stands
on guard outside Daisy's and Onslow's house and
discusses maneuvers with Colonel Daulish who has been dead for thirty
years. After arriving at the Hall, Hyacinth tells the
Vicar that Richard has probably solved the electrical problem since
Richard is "quite a live wire when it comes to electrics."
Richard begins to fix the electrics under the Hall's stage. Hyacinth
discovers from the Vicar's wife that Mrs. Drummond from
"the Grange" will be running the bookstore. Hyacinth then decides to
wait outside the Hall for Mrs. Drummond. Onslow,
Daisy, and Rose take Daddy to the Church Hall because they want the
Vicar to exorcise Daddy since he is "possessed." Mrs
Drummond arrives and asks Hyacinth to take her dogs for a walk. Wearing
a gas mask and holding a rifle, Daddy scares the
Vicar's wife who then drops her tea tray. Daddy then positions himself
at the Second Hand China Table just as Richard flips
the electrical power switch. Light bulbs and fuse boxes burst!! Daddy
thinks a military attack has begun and shouts out
commands. The Hall's doors burst open!! The explosions cause Mrs. Drummond's
dogs to dart away from Hyacinth who is just
about to take the dogs on their walk. Playing his bugle, Daddy runs
outside. Smoke and dust flow out of the Hall as people
flee. Hyacinth runs up to Richard asking: "What's happened??!!" Richard
exclaims to Hyacinth: "I think I'm better with
Christmas tree lights!!!"
Series 4, Episode 3
Rural Retreat (26-Sep-93)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Much to the delight of Emmet and Elizabeth, Hyacinth and Richard go of in
search of Honeysuckle cottage. Having expressed
her desire to live a 'Rural' life, Hyacinth is in for a big surprise. After
getting some garbled directions from the village idiot,
Hyacinth and Richard finally get to the cottage only to find the key is with
a neighbour. The neighbour is no other than the
village idiot who proceeds to show the Buckets around Honeysuckle cottage
while, at the same time, making amorous moves
on Hyacinth. While looking for woodworm in the attic, Richard falls through
the roof onto a wooden beam injuring himself in
the 'nether' regions! Hyacinths encounter with 'wild' animals makes this one
a gem.
Series 4, Episode 4
."Looking For Property" (3-Oct-93)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Oh good Lord -- a policeman's at the door! Richard must collect Daddy
from the station at once. Hyacinth sends him off
looking like someone on business of an unrecognizable nature and invites
Liz to drive her out to look at country property.
Richard is reluctant to leave Hyacinth (?!), worried she'll buy something
enormous they can't afford. 'Richard,' she says
reassuringly, 'what have I ever presented you with that we can't afford
?' 'Well. . .Sheridan for a start,' replies Richard
forthrightly. Emmet is thrilled at the prospect of Hyacinth looking
at country property and encourages Liz to find her a place
suitably far away. They find it: a grand grey pile of a Grade II-listed
mansion perched proudly in its own private pristine
parkland - Marston Hall. 'Oh I could LIVE in a place like this!' breathes
our Hyacinth rapturously. Returning Daddy to
Onslow and Daisy's, Richard hopes to join Hyacinth at Marston Hall
before she signs anything. But Daddy has cunningly
disabled Richard's car to keep it out of the hands of the enemy. No
problem. Onslow drives everyone out to Marston Hall.
Meanwhile, Hyacinth has met another resident of The Mansion -- Sir
Edward, who is relaxing in the parlour, enjoying one of
the favourite ailments of the upper classes - gout - and decides once
and for all this is the property for her. After stunning him
with her pictures of Sheridan, Hyacinth wheels Sir Edward out for an
airing in the garden just as Onslow drives up, spewing
petrol fumes over the assembled company. Magnificently assured throughout,
Hyacinth is attired in a smart country red
pleated skirt with coordinating plaid jacket worn over an elegant white
silk blouse; country brogues and stylish Tyrolean hat
with pheasant feather complete her ensemble. Oh yes - and the pearls.
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Series 4, Episode 5
Please Mind Your Head (10-Oct-93)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth has found her "cozy charismatic country cottage." In fact, she and
Richard are part-owners of a mansion! As
Richard waits for the lorry to deliver their "diminutive furniture with a
genuine antique appearance", Hyacinth orders him up
the several flights of stairs leading to their attic apartment. Hyacinth carefully
admonishes Richard: "It's not small - it's old
world Bijou!" Hyacinth phones the city: "Coffee at 3, Elizabeth, Bring Emmett!"
Hyacinth and Richard don their riding gear
(to lend the appearance that they are partaking in country leisure activities).
However, Hyacinth's plans run astray when they
meet Elizabeth and Emmett on the road! Emmett suggests that they ride together,
and hilarity ensues! Richard has to boost
Hyacinth onto the horse. Later, Hyacinth cannot start the horse, and Richard
gives it a push from behind. The horse jumps,
and off Hyacinth goes through the field! Later, she is hardly fit to be presented
to guests. The guests arrive (including Onslow)
and wind up getting stuck in the compact kitchenette!
Series 4, Episode 6
"A Celebrity For The Barbecue" (17-Oct-93)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Featuring 'THE' C. P. Benedict of the Garden Centre, who has been seen on
television. Hyacinth purchases dozens of large plants from the Garden Centre
for her front room so that he will feel at home. Mean- while Daddy is on the
roof of Daisy and Onslow's house 'firewatching' as in WW II. While Elizabeth,
Emmet, and Richard are lost in the living room greenery, Rose appears at Hyacinth's
just as the Barbecue guests are arriving, and celebrity C.P. turns out to
be an old boyfriend of Rose's whom he greets most enthusiastically, as Hyacinth
sees another of her glorious social occasions crumble before it can get underway.
Series 4, Episode 7
Series Five
"The Old Folk's Outing" (3-Sep-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth volunteers to help the vicar with his "Seaside Senior Citizens
Day" Hyacinth spends the day on the long van ride to
the Seaside and the obstacles at the "Fun Fair" including the Merry
Go Round, Bumper Cars, Fun House, and Spook House,
fending off the advances of a non English speaking, amorous senior
citizen. Richard is in charge of driving the Mini Van, and
shepherding Elizabeth and the sad faced and chronically ill Mrs. Lomax,
through the Fair.
Series 5, Episode 1
"The Mayor's Fancy Dress Ball" (10-Sep-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth blames the postman for not delivering her invitation to the
Mayors Fancy Dress Ball. Richard arranges a special
invitation, and Richard is off to the costume rental to see what's
left at this late date. Rose announces her engagement to a
Polish person, whose name no one can pronounce, so he becomes Mr. Whatsis.
Elizabeth spill the cookies, but not the coffee
this time. Several couples arrive at the Ball, wearing the same outfits
as Hyacinth and Richard have on, and Hyacinth leaves in
a huff. As usual, Hyacinth's pearls are worn throughout.
Series 5, Episode 2
Hyacinth Is Alarmed (17-Sep-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth's neighbor has been burgled twice in the last two months. Hyacinth
is jealous of the attention afforded the neighbor.
Meanwhile, Richard has forgotten it's their anniversary. Hyacinth rings the
post office to complain that her surprise
anniversary present is "lost in their sorting facilities." Richard gets the
brilliant idea to state that he has ordered Hyacinth a
burglar alarm for the house as his anniversary present. She tells the salesman
the box on the outside of the house must
Meanwhile, Daisy/Onslow/Rose/Daddy's house is haunted. Daddy refuses to go
upstairs anymore. Rose invites the Dishy Vicar
over to exorcise the spirit, who turns out to be an old lady invited back
to the house by Daddy.
Series 5, Episode 3
"A Riverside Picnic" (24-Sep-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Riparian Entertainments
While Hyacinth and Richard are out for a leisurely drive, Hyacinth spots an
ideal location for a "Waterside Supper with
Riparian Entertainments." She quickly sends out invitations to the Vicar and
his wife, Elizabeth and Emmett, and Violet.
Elizabeth looks up "riparian" in the dictionary, Emmett musters up some determination,
and the Vicar rips his newspaper, but
all find a refusal of the invitation impossible. Picnic day comes and everyone
arrives to help transport things. Violet is late, and
Hyacinth is concerned for her prawns. Upon arrival to the special location,
Hyacinth is aghast to discover construction men
digging up her picnic place. The group commandeers some boats to drift down
the river. Hyacinth argues with a rude lackey
man and offers to help Richard row the boat. Meanwhile, Violet arrives with
Onslow, Daisy, and Rose and they set up their
own picnic along the river. Richard rows the boat underneath a piece of machinery
filled with water and Hyacinth gets soaked
to the bone, prompting Emmett to remark about the riparian entertainments.
The boats row by the family picnic and Onslow
admires Hyacinth's stiff upper lip. In the very last scene, we are treated
to Hyacinth's famous royal wave.
Series 5, Episode 4
"Skis" (1-Oct-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Richard's birthday
Richard is gardening. Hyacinth encourages him to look as if he's enjoying
it when the Carradines (She used to be a Baxter's
Biscuits) drive past with skis on their car. Late that night, Hyacinth
joins Richard in bed. She is excited about his birthday
tomorrow. Isn't he? Next day, Richard opens his unwieldy birthday present.
"Skis!" he exalims excitedly. "What am I going to
do with skis?!" Hyacinth thinks they'll look well on the car. They
take the skis to Violet's to borrow a ski rack. On the way,
they offer the two Miss Pillsworths a lift, arranging them amongst
the skis. At violet's, Bruce is just leaving as Violet pours a
pitcher of water on his head. A most tastefully engraved pitcher, it
must be said. Richard takes the Miss Pillsworths to their
destination and returns to collect the ski rack Violet says they may
have. Hyacinth and Richard take Violet to talk to the Vicar
about her dampened prospects for marital happiness, and Richard's skis
are involved in their final mishap. At the vicarage,
Violet doesn't want to talk to the Vicar after all and runs away down
the street, Hyacinth in hot pursuit. They pass the two
Miss Pillsworths, one of whom is heard to say, "That woman is relentless.
She's still chasing people to offer them lifts!" For this
episode, Hyacinth is seen, first (by the Carradines) in her blue housedress.
For encouraging Richard to be excited, she reprises
her filmy pale aqua peignoir and matching hairnet; for presenting him
with his birthday skis, she wears her olive green and
yellow flowery frock; for going to Violet's, the colourful stained-glass
print two-piece with coordinating veiled and feathered
hat. The pearls are worn everywhere except bed.
Series 5, Episode 5
The Country Estate Sale (8-Oct-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Dame Ursula's wine
Richard lies awake, thinking of tomorrow's country house sale. Next morning
, Hyacinth takes charge of the map-reading and
off they go. Several false starts, stops, and turnings later, they arrive
at the sale. Liz and Emmet are already inside, feeling quite
relaxed, having met the Buckets traveling in the opposite direction. Meanwhile,
in a less than aristocratic neighbourhood,
Onslow's sharing crisps with the dog as Mrs Braddock's taken up residence
in the car, waiting for Daddy to marry her. At the
country house, the auction begins with bidding for a pair of ornamental vases.
'Oh, Richard, I like those!' enthuses our
Hyacinth. 'No you don't!!' Richard commands, concern for his bank account
making him bold. When the decorative screen's
brought forward for bid, lo and behold, there are Elizabeth and Emmet! What
a nice surprise. Finally, six bottles of the Lady
Ursula's homemade gooseberry wine. These are within the Buckets' budget and
Richard allows Hyacinth to bid. Walking forth
triumphantly, certain her purchase will provide the crowning moment at her
next candlelight supper, Hyacinth spots his
Lordship. He invites the Buckets to sample old Mumsy's scrumply, after which
he and Richard help Hyacinth into the car. Off
they go to Daddy's to crack open a bottle, Hyacinth serenading Richard with
an old English drinking song. Arriving at the
house, Hyacinth walks unsteadily to the door and -- fortified by bottled courage
-- surprises Onslow's dog, Mrs Braddock
responding in kind. Recovering what dignity she has, Hyacinth invites the
family to share a bottle with her, before passing out
at Onslow's feet. For this episode, Hyacinth is seen first in her pink silk
nightdress with matching hairnet. For behaving like an
aristocrat, she chooses the silk green and blue-flowered two-piece with blue
aristocratic- looking hat. And the pearls.
Series 5, Episode 6
"The Boy Friend" (15-Oct-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth hears that Emmet is rehearsing for a production of "The Boyfriend",
at the church hall, and Hyacinth wants a part in
it. Hyacinths invites Elizabeth and Emmet for coffee, to try to influence
Emmet. She decides to entertain them in her "House
Beautiful" look alike lounge, where they can "wallow in superior ambiance"
Daisy looks forward to a romantic day with
Onslow, as Rose and Daddy will be out of the house. Instead Daddy dons
his WW2 uniform, complete with gas mask, rifle, and
bayonet, and bars entrance to the front door, claiming orders to defend
the position to the last man. With Onslow, Daisy, Rose
and neighbors standing by - Hyacinth arrives and Daddy lays down the
rifle, raises his hands and surrenders.
Series 5, Episode 7
"A Barbecue At Violet's" (22-Oct-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Emmet is too shy to offer her a role in 'The Boyfriend' so Hyacinth decides
to make it easy for him. Driving Hyacinth and Liz
to the church hall where Emmet is rehearsing, Richard encourages Hyacinth
to phone ahead. Stopping at a call box, Hyacinth's
call is put on hold while another caller phones ahead of her. She insists
Richard eject the caller. Richard demurs. Hyacinth
takes matters into her own hands, pounding on the door of the call box. And
now the scene the whole world has been waiting
for -- Richard asserts himself: 'Hyacinth! Stop that at once and get into
the car!!' Hyacinth is momentarily stunned into
obedience. Richard is pleasantly surprised. On to the church hall where Emmet
and the vicar are rehearsing Three Young
Ladies in a little soft shoe. Hearing the Bucket woman, the men leave the
girls to cope. Hyacinth sits down at the piano to
rehearse them in 'The Boyfriend'. They follow Emmet and the Vicar into their
hiding place under the stage, where Richard, Liz,
and the Vicar's wife find them -- rehearsing?? They emerge into the church
hall where Hyacinth invites them to Violet's for a
barbecue. At Violet's, they play a useful party game. Hyacinth periodically
holds up cue cards and the guests stop eating and
sing ! One of the cue cards lands on the grill and goes up in flames. Oh!
Here's Daddy in the nick of time, carrying a bucket of--
Hyacinth grabs it and dumps it on the -- buffet table. It is not water. For
this episode, Hyacinth is seen first in her lavender
flowered housedress. For rehearsing 'The Boyfriend,' she changes to her colourful
blouson with coordinating straw hat. For the
barbecue, the chic black leaf print blouson. Always, the pearls.
Series 5, Episode 8
"The Rolls Royce" (29-Oct-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth is so embarrassed when she loses second place to Lydia Hawksworth
in a baking contest. So since Hyacinth didn't
win a new car, she decides the best way to get one is to buy one. She tricks
Richard into taking her to the car dealership, where
Hyacinth, not Richard, is interested in buying a Rolls Royce. So, Hyacinth
and Richard sneak off for a test drive. But sneaky
Hyacinth tricks Richard into driving somewhere she wanted to go. "Pull into
the hotel", says Hyacinth. "Hyacinth, you knew
this hotel was here", says Richard. They stop at the hotel where Hyacinth
wants to show off the Rolls Royce to everyone she
knows, including Lydia. But when they show up, Daisy, Onslo, Rose and Daddy
also show up! So Hyacinth and Richard run
away before they can see them, but end up in the arms of policemen ready to
take them to jail for stealing a rolls royce!
Series 5, Episode 9
"The Hostess advert." (5-Nov-95)
Britcoms: Keeping Up Appearances
Hyacinth has decided to utilize her expertise in etiquette as a social
consultant. After placing an advertisement in the paper, she
harasses poor Richard all night because she is so anxious to receive
the paper and see her advertisement in print. When
morning comes, Hyacinth spots the paper boy and chases him down the
block to get her newspaper. Hyacinth wanted her
advert to be simple and elegant, and she reads it to Richard: "Experienced
hostess willing to provide services for parties."
Anticipating an onslaught of resultant telephone calls, she places
Richard in a chair next to the phone and insists that he keep
"paper and pencil at the ready." Meanwhile, over at the home of Onslow
and Daisy, Daisy is trying to remember when she
wore a certain pink dress that years ago sent Onslow into a libidinous
frenzy. Daisy only recalls that she wore it for one of
Rose's engagement parties, but Onslow does not find that helpful. He
says, "Daisy's had more engagements than I've had bags
of crisps." Rose walks in just in time to hear Onslow's statement,
and she resents it. She orders Onslow to drive Daddy to his
hobby circle meeting. Back at the Bucket home, Hyacinth receives a
much-awaited phone call from a client. The client demands
Hyacinth's services for the same evening at 6:00. Although she is slightly
annoyed about the short notice, Hyacinth is pleased
that there are people who are "eager to improve their social graces."
Richard drives Hyacinth to 24A Market Street, the
location of the upcoming soiree. Hyacinth goes inside to consult while
Richard waits outside. Hyacinth returns moments later,
angered and embarrassed. When Richard asks what went wrong, Hyacinth
says, "They thought I was a striptease artist." Just
as Richard prepares to drive away, Hyacinth tells him he must go back
inside 24A. When Richard asks why he should do so,
Hyacinth tells him, "To get Daddy!"
Series 5, Episode 10
1993 Christmas Special
QE II
'Local Celebrity on QEII Cruise' Hyacinth phones her newspaper with
the headline. Richard loads their matching set of
executive luggage with the genuine leather embellishments and initials
into the car. "Do we really need all this?" asks Richard
foolishly. "I will not be out dressed by the other passengers," Hyacinth
explains patiently. They drive to Southampton via the
scenic route. Richard becomes rather bogged down along the way and
enlists Hyacinth's help. "You'll pay for this, Richard
Bucket!" she declares, momentarily losing her decorum. Liz and Emmet
have come to see them off, but Richard and Hyacinth
have missed the boat. They fly to Copenhagen, and, finally on board,
Hyacinth espies Onslow climbing out of a lifeboat. Daisy
and Onslow must have stowed away! Hyacinth devises a plan: She and
Richard disguise themselves and go jogging round the
decks, hoping to find the stowaways before the Captain does. Too late!
The Captain has found Onslow and Daisy. Making one
last noble effort to rescue them, Hyacinth is escorted from the Captain's
cocktail party. Undaunted, she dresses for dinner.
Entering the dining room, she finds the Buckets' place at the Captain's
table has been taken by Onslow and Daisy. Her appetite
gone, she returns to their room. Richard investigates and reports that
Onslow won a first-class cruise in a newspaper contest! At
the ship's dance , Hyacinth chooses for her partner the most important
man on board the QEII -- Onslow. For this episode,
Hyacinth's ensembles are beyond description. Suffice it to say the
pearls are always in evidence, even whilst jogging. And as the
credits roll and Onslow and Hyacinth kick up their heels, Hyacinth
segues into Patricia Routledge, who puts on a show of her
own. QEII Cruise -- 'the jewel in the Bucket crown'.
1994 Christmas Special
Hyacinth is planning to have her kitchen redone and is, of course,
anxious that they should not only be of a very high social class but also,
ideally, something
that other people can no longer order! Our poor Richard goes down with
athlete's foot, but Hyacinth changes it into something of a higher class-
gout - On the other side of town, Onslow and Daisy tell Hayacnth that there
is a odd fellow in Daddy's bed, which causes her to make chase staight
away to Daddy's room.
1995 Christmas Special
'Charge!' Hyacinth wakes Richard to check her mobile phone. She'll
need it whilst she's directing The Pageant. "I hate
historical pageants," says Richard morosely. "Why do I have to be King
Charles?" "Because you're married to me and I shall
be Queen," Hyacinth explains the obvious. At the church hall, Hyacinth
mobilizes herself in the absence of her volunteer cast
and conscripts her family to rescue The Pageant. Richard, Elizabeth,
and Emmet are commandeered to iron the costumes.
Emmet acquits himself heroically of this pressing duty, then stage
manages "the crew" - Liz. Onslow makes his theatrical debut
at the local off-license and Hyacinth models her queenly attire for
Richard, who has no proper appreciation of it, while Emmet
suggests a few alterations to her costume might enhance The Queen's
French "habits." The Vicar and his wife arrive as
Hyacinth's family of actors are fighting amongst themselves. "This
dialogue is most unsuitable!" exclaims the shocked Vicar,
his eyes widening at the Queen's provocative bit of stage business.
He calls 'Curtain!' Liz gets carried away responding to his
direction but does manage to bring the curtain down - on The Queen.
Hyacinth is carried off to a waiting ambulance, fearing
her imminent demise, but ever thoughtful, she makes Richard promise
that Onslow will wear a tie at her funeral. The Vicar
reassures her, 'It's just a bump on the head, Mrs Bucket.' Noble to
the last, Queen Hyacinth shouts, 'Tell God it's Bou-quet!'
For waking Richard, Hyacinth wears her pink nightdress and matching
hairnet; for directing The Pageant, her brightly
coloured blouson; and for acting The Queen, she wears a provocative
period costume and a royal crown. The usual strand of
pearls for Hyacinth and a triple strand for The Queen.
Written by:
Roy Clarke
Directed by:
Harold Snoad
Produced by:
Harold Snoad
5 series, 44 episodes
42 episodes x 30 minutes
1 episode x 50 minutes
1 episode x 60 minutes
Transmitted: 1990-95
BBC Television
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Last modified: January, 2000
© Daniel Berry 2000
