Well, my mother read the damn thing, and has now deemed me "violent." 'Why couldn't you just say you wanted her to disappear?' Well, I've come to apologize on her behalf.

I'm sorry for the glaring error in the third sentence. There was only supposed to be one "out." I also have an apology to Christina:

Christina, I apologize for not accenting the fact that you're a total f-ing moron. Your annoying giggle coupled with your I.Q. of about three grinds to my last nerve. "I loooooove this show." Stupid suck up.

Christina, I apologize for not pointing out that every one of your uptempos has the same pattern, and same break where you are allowed to over sing a note.

Christina, I am most certainly sorry for not pointing out the complete extent of your tacky ways. It's a big job for just one little girl!

Christina, I'm sorry I didn’t point out how you totally ruin girl’s self image by flaunting your body and instilling the message that we are only sex objects. That we should always be size zero. I'm sorry I neglected to do that.

Christina, I hope a butter sculpture falls on you at the Ohio State Fair.

To the readers, I apologize for my mother procreating and teaching me such nasty habits.

But I don't take back a damn word I said.