| May 3, 1998 | Met (him) today...we met at a truck stop in OKC...he had brought the computer program but I couldn't let him come to the house....we talked for hours though...and he's really cute:). |
| May 17, 1998 | Met him for the second time..let him come to the house this time as things seem ok. We talked for hours..he seems so nice....talking about me going for a visit for Memorial Day next weekend...actually he said something about me and the cats going back to (where he lives) with him, but he was just joking..I think:). |
| May 25, 1998 | Just got back from my first weekend visit, it went better than I dreamed..more than I expected or hoped for...we went to a barbecue at one of his customer's homes....he was so attentive and sweet...funny too..he made me laugh and I snorted coke all over his monitor..but he didn't get mad:). .I knew it was soon to be playing as I have only met him twice real life before this..but...it just felt right:) Then when I got home there was a job advertised in the paper there:). |
| May 26, 1998 | He made an award for my website :) |
| May 29, 1998 | Going again for the weekend....he is putting front brakes on my car..but that is not the main reason I am going:) |
| June 1, 1998 | Back again..things continue to go well...started work on a table for him for a local business he is working on a website for. It gives me something to do while he is working, and when I am away from him it gives me a way to serve him:). People do say he goes from woman to woman quickly..but he assured me that's not the case. |
| June 2, 1998 | He is talking about me moving there..it's too soon but I really think I want to. Talking about taking me to apply for jobs, etc. |
| June 4, 1998 | He gave me some more tasks:) Working on a text on meta tags and a list of website awards...love geeking for/with him:). |
| June 7, 1998 | He came to see me yesterday..only here less than 24 hours, but what a 24 hours..it's so nice to get ALL his attention..though I dunno if I could stand having all his attention all the time..I'd surely like to find out. We talked about my job situation and stuff..he says not to worry, if worst comes to worst I can come write HTML for him...and there is nothing on earth I'd rather do. |
| June 8, 1998 | He threw his roommate out...says his roommate broke his daughter's dresser and vcr and then lied about it...gave him 24 hours notice and he's lived there for 2 years...ack..I hope that wouldn't happen to me ever...but I would not lie to him. |
| June 10, 1998 | His ex roommate got the phone cut off..got to get him another phone somehow...he needs a phone. He can't get one in his own name as his roommate ran up a huge bill on him he cannot pay. |
| June 11, 1998 | Called the phone company, am getting him a phone turned on in my name:) |
| June 14, 1998 | Great weekend...more attention for me as the phone has not yet been turned on:) |
| June 16, 1998 | Phone is on finally, but I am kind of upset. (Friend) told me some stuff to try to warn me..that he doesn't like bbws', and things that happened with the last girl there..so I told him...then he told her he knew...now she is angry...as she should be..but I had to talk to him about it..he says the last girl was much larger than I and there were some other problems.. I think they are all jealous he is soooo wonderful. |
| June 21, 1998 | He gave me my first assignment this weekend:):) Well the first one of a sexual nature that is. It was to be a training weekend, but he spent most of it working on a computer..but I understand, business before pleasure. |
| June 23, 1998 | Rotten cold..hope I didn't make him sick. |
| June 24, 1998 | He got in on some computer deal....buy one, sell so many and it pays for yours and you get money...says he is getting me one too...sounds fishy, hope he doesn't get hurt. Can't come see him this weekend as his son might be born.. I understand, but I do miss him. |
| June 26, 1998 | I accidentally brought one of his shirts home...I sleep in it, it smells like him..helps a little;) |
| June 30, 1998 | OK...weird things are going on...he had asked to take an online mistress and I agreed...but she messaged me and asked if we were together..I told her what was going on...she told me he had told her differently and sent methe logs to prove it..then when he got online I told him we needed to talk and he called..says she faked the logs..says he has falled in love with me and he told (my best friend) that but that he wanted to have a moment to do it..to look into my eyes so that I'd know he meant it. She verified this so I guess he does love me:). (course it turned out the logs were not faked..she was just being a good friend) |
| July 2, 1998 | His son was born and he was not there:( Can't go see him this weekend..he doesn't want to hurt me with his distance.but I wish I could hold him and just let him know I am here for him. He told me he loved me again.... |
| July 3, 1998 | He says he is getting to see his son this weekend..I am glad for him though I will miss him He said we had a lifetime though:) (Later found out this was not the case, he has never seen his son) |
| July 6, 1998 | Have talked to him very little, but he icqed me just to say he loved me:) |
| July 12, 1998 | Just got home..very strange weekend..he knew I was enroute but did not answer either time I called..as I call to let him know where I am in case I break down on the way.....When I got there he told me he had taken (friend's wife) back to the base. The he asked me to move in with him...said I needed someone to take care of me for a while, though I wouldn't have as much time to be online as I had a very loving master who liked to make toys:) She called that night and talked to him for 2 hours..supposedly about problems with her husband..so we didn't play:( Then he went and got her the next day as her ac was out and she spent the whole weekend following him around like a puppy...which he HATES when I do....she asked me where I normally slept when there!!!!! It appeared he didn't want her to know where I slept, as he let me sleep in his bed but stayed up all night. I told him when I left I was not coming to stay...he looked so hurt..but I was angry and scared. |
| July 13, 1998 | Changed my mind today..had mail forwarded, turned in lease on condo..then he told me I could only come as a friend due to the way I acted this weekend:(:( What do I do now..I will try to find somewhere here to stay, but I want to be there so badly. He's behind in his bills too...he needs me:( |
| July 18, 1998 | He came here to drop off (daughter) and we compromised...we'll live together until we get bills caught up, then I'll find my own place and we'll continue to see each other until he is ready for a live in. I have $1,000 in retirement money coming in, so that should help. Not the best option, but that is what we decided. |
| July 26, 1998 | He went to the lake this weekend....I miss him but will be there soon (Found out later he took (friend's wife) with him.) |
| July 28, 1998 | He has to go to court for unpaid child support...I am going to be with him and take him what money I can.... |
| July 29, 1998 | I held him all night last night..he is scared and so am I.....neither of us slept much...(friend) came over and brought the car back, told me he is in jail...got to come up with $1k ..he pawned his oscilloscope, so we have 500 plus the hundred I brought...hope it will be enough..if not I can bail him out when retirement money comes, if it comes to it. |
| July 30, 1998 | Went to see him in jail today..I feel so helpless seeing him like that..and it's all about money....scared sleeping in his house alone, he said I could let (his dog) sleep with me and guard me..gave me a list of things to do as well, some bad checks to clear up and etc. Told him I loved him...his mother does not seem to want to help get him out..so *I* will go out and get a job and get him out... |
| July 31, 1998 | Went and asked what time his hearing was..they didn't have one scheduled..I stood there politely til they scheduled one....we all went in, the judge accepted the 500 and his mom's promise to pay the arrearage. We're leaving to get my stuff in a few minutes. |
| August 2, 1998 | Just got back..ugh..didn't sleep for close to 48 hours...it was horrible didn't realize so much stuff was not packed..he's very critical of my packing skills, which are admittedly nonexistent. He told me not to ever doubt that he loved me though..and I never will..we talked a lot on the way there and back....he said the hardest thing to give is to give of yourself, and I agree. And that he needs someone to put him first..and I ALWAYS will. Didn't let me sleep in the bed tonight, had to sleep in (daughter's) bed..but he came in with the cat to tell me goodnight. He says his back and knee are messed up from sleeping in the jail. |
| August 5, 1998 | Today his mom and I went to put my stuff in storage..he had to take (friend's wife) to run errands..she stayed in the car when he got there to put the last few things in...he says I make her uncomfortable. |
| August 6, 1998 | He got really mad at me today...told me I had to leave when my money got here..went to see (friend) to see if he would talk to him..finally found out it was because I had talked to his mom about some stuff..she called him a bad name evidently..I'll NEVER talk to people about our problems again. |
| August 10, 1998 | WE had a 3 day garage sale to try to get his oscilloscope out of hock...he wasn't around much...had to go mow (friend's wife's) lawn...we made 300 dollars....maybe he'll have time to pay me more attention now. Also my retirement money came....we should be ok now if we are careful. |
| August 22, 1998 | Went to get (daughter) from OKC today...kinda bad trip...he got mad at me on the way and wouldn't talk..so I just went to sleep. Bit better on the way back. Wish he would TELL me what is wrong. |
| August 23, 1998 | I have to sleep on the couch when (daughter) is here..he doesn't want his ex to know we are together... |
| August 31, 1998 | Hard month...he spends a lot of time with (friend's wife) ....takes my car as none of his are running...not much luck finding work...have done some temp stuff...he's not paying me much attention at all....scary...had a big messup with the bank...lots of checks being returned though we had money in there..I went to the bank with him and got it straightened out...he's had a lawsuit filed against his business also. |
| September 6, 1998 | Went to take (daughter) back to OKC..great trip...he even played with me when we got back...that's gotten down to a biweekly or less occurrence..and I finally get to sleep in the bed again...missed that so much. I've been so tired, what with getting up with her at 7, taking care of her and the house, doing some temp work, and working for him...plus it's hard for me to sleep at night as he stays up late...but it's ok..he needs the help. |
| September 15, 1998 | Hired by (local company)...12 hour shifts on the weekends..wouldn't be my choice but god knows we need the money..still haven't got utilities caught up...though my temp work helped some. |
| September 21, 1998 | He broke up with me and moved (friend's wife) in..I am devastated..went to Salvatation Army and asked for shelter...they called in the battered women's shelter as they said it sounded like a case for them..but I told them he never hit me..and he hasn't..I didn't give them his name or any of his info...but I had to move in there..just could not stand that he moved me out of his bed..and her into it...evidently it is ok because we are supposed to be just friends now...but I KNOW he loves me..I just do not understand. He's being decent about it..agreed to keep the New Mexico listserv going...and make sure I get my phone messages...carried my suitcase to the car and gave me a hug...says I am different than I was, but he'll be waiting for me when I get out...but SHE is still there..I don't understand. |
| September 22, 1998 | WEnt by and talked to him, assured him I won't tell them who he is..he's gotta trust me sometime. |
| September 26, 1998 | WEnt by and talked to him..cant' take the shelter anymore...I miss my cat and my computer and my freedom...told him we could be just friends...but I want back in the house..he said no:(. |
| September 27, 1998 | He wrote me a letter...told me everything that was wrong (when I have tme I will post this)...his weight bothers me...as well as some other things...but after I had read it I went to talk to him..told him I would lose weight if he wanted...he agreed to write me a cONTRACT!!!!! Now I finally know what is wrong..I can fix it:):) Told me friends' wife hogs the bed worse than I ever did and that her being as small as she is bothers him almost as much as me being as big as I am...plus I got an $8.00 an hour .31 cent a mile job...just temporary but it'll help. CAn't move back in til the contract is finished though:( |
| October 1, 1998 | WEnt to get (daughter) from OKC today..he can't as his license is
suspended...very bad rainstorm on way back...very scary..coudn't see for
90 miles..but I got her to him safely (friends' wife) was still there when
I got there..had to take her to the base as he can't get on. She still doesn't
know.
He told (daughter) we were together..she's happy:). |
| October 5, 1998 | Moved out of shelter into (friend's) trailer today ..he's not done with contract..hope he is soon as it's cold out there..we haven't told (daughter) what is going on..just that I am working a lot...he wants me to see her every day so the bond isn't broken and says he doesn't mind if she gets attached to me as he wants me in his life long term. |
| October 8, 1998 | We talked today..he wanted me to know he was taking (high school girl he is currently dating) to homecoming....says he feels sorry for her as she has no date and is so big and etc...I agreed to this...but I hope she doesn't get hurt. |
| October 13, 1998 | Contract still not done..he says he doesn't have time for that and to work on the businesses as well..wants me to move back in as a friend until he has time and work on the buessinesses as they will be half mine one day. I agreed, but it'll be damned hard. He says I'll have to be very patient..how much more patient can I be... |
| October 14, 1998 | My birthday...borrowed 30 bucks frommy boss to get gas, cigarettes, milk for the baby...then he had a surprise party for me:) Balloons, a cake, and a beautiful heart pendant.he says that's why we haven't had any money as he's been saving for a month for it..then we sat up and watched a movie...still had to sleep on couch though...woulda given anything just to have him hold me. |
| October 15, 1998 | Got paid today...gave it to him for electric bill. |
| October 26, 1998 | Got birthday check from parents today...thank god as he wrote a hot check for the water bill....he yells all the time and I cry a lot...definitely dating (high school girl)...sleeps with her, doesn't bother to hide it. |
| October 27, 1998 | Got paid from census today...smarted off about the (high school girl). He got VERY angry. |
| October 28, 1998 | Well, today it happened. He put me out on the street in the freezing cold. Went over to Ray's at 1 am to get the trailer keys, but it was too cold in there, so I slept in my car with the heater on. He threatened to slit my throat, screamed at me and called me terrible names; said he didn't care that I had given him $3,000 over the past 3 months. The phone bill is way overdue...didn't know it was THAT bad. Funny that I am crying less now than when I lived there. |
| October 29, 1998 | Went with the lady from the shelter and the police today to get my stuff. He had it boxed already and a lot of it is missing. I'm still somewhat protective of him...got to get over that. Got the computer set up today..found out he had deleted a bunch of stuff from it, namely most of the work I had done for him...also my resume and coverletters. Called and asked about it, he said maybe the cats had done it..hrmm wonder how they got my password....asked about the phone bill, told him we have to pay $150.00 by tomorrow or it gets cut off..he said to call the phone company and tell them a check had been sent. Told him to tell Sabra (his daughter) that I loved her..he said he would...doubt it though. |
| October 30, 1998 | Called phone company today..hope he sends the check. Also went and had a long talk with someone I probably should have talked to a long time before now. Found out a lot of the stuff he has been telling me from the beginning is lies, or at the best half-truths. |
| October 31, 1998 | Worked today..thank goodness..it was Halloween..wonder what (daughter) wore and if she had a good time. Miss her too. |
| November 1, 1998 | Sent him email...don't know how he could do this to me. Still in shock. |
| November 2, 1998 | He answered the email...says it's all my fault...*sigh* |
| November 11, 1998 | Went to get the rest of my stuff today....what he allowed me to get...he had a list and had boxed the stuff up...some of the stuff he claimed was in the boxes was not as we checked them before we left..some of it he flat refuses to give back ...says he is keeping the rest of my paycheck for room and board *snort*. Phone was cut off..he didn't pay the bill..got (high school girl) to get one put on in her name... Even the policeman said it was time to go to court..so... |
| November 12, 1998 | Filed a DVO (Domestic Violence Order) today...I tried so hard to keep this civil, in spite of the abuse..really tired of protecting him now though. |
| November 13, 1998 | The DVO was granted...now he will really be angry...
Was at a friend's when it was filed, and his new girlfriend's mother came over and threatened me and called me names..went to the courthouse..they are not putting him out as promised as he had his child with him...so I guess I have to wait til the 30th and see what happens.... |
| November 14, 1998 | I posted a post to some mailing lists about what he has done. It's quite simply time to let people know what this man has done to me...so that it may not happen to others. |
| November 19, 1998 | He hacked into (actually he didn't hack it..we both knew the pw) an email account and attempted to send out a retraction ..he must be worried people might believe me heh...changed the password too:( |
| November 22, 1998 | Found a dead cat that looked like mine in the yard of the shelter today when I got home from work at midnight, so called the police...really freaking out...the cat was not there at 6 according to shelter personnel, but was there at 8:30..didn't die of natural causes, lots of blood and already stiff...I cringe when i think he used the same hands he used to touch me with to kill my cat. |
| November 23, 1998 | Police came, it wasn't my cat..just one that looked like him..so we went and got mine...he's safe now, if not happy. Feel guilty for taking him from his home...but I can't take responsibility for that either..he had to leave at some point.. |
| NOvember 26, 1998 | Thanksgiving...things I am thankful for...my life, my cat's life...and the fact that I am getting better, learning not to take responsibility for his actions, whether he chooses to or not...and that I have the capacity to give and receive love...I am sorry for him that he does not have that...and still hope he gets help..but that is not my responsibility either. |
