February 1999 ~ Mostly random crap inspired by a dorm room that vibrated constantly, smelled like lung cancer, and usually chirped out real HAPPY music like Portishead...

March 1999 ~ More of same, only a little warmer...

April 1999 ~ Homesickness, Helena gains 15 pounds and is constantly sick, and other real happy stuff... (The famous Helena Has Super Sex entry is in here...)

May 1999 ~ This month starts with Helena's next-door neighbor stealing her keys and putting them in a sanitary napkin disposal thingy. The next entry is about Helena's revenge. It gets better from there: Helena flies home to New York, Helena tries to kill herself almost, and Helena decides to be a semi-normal person, which never really worked out...

June 1999 ~ I'm poor and I don't really like my dad. And I miss Peter... Also, I walk a lot and it's spring and I feel good and think I might just go to England of something for shits and giggles...

July 1999 ~ Helena gets a job and walks a lot and hangs out with Aaron and collects bottles and cans and decides to go to England.

August 1999 ~ More of same, plus some other really fantastic random crap, like Helena telling off Erich.

September 1999 ~ The return of Peter, the moving-out of Helena, the unemployment of Helena, Helena decides to kinda maybe like a girl and get trashed, and the England thing is looking maybe not so great...

October 1999 ~ I honestly don't remember what happened in October. Just go read it and then you tell me.

November 1999 ~ Helena moves in with her grandparents and tries as hard as she possibly can to escape... [This is my favorite month; nothing like Tom Robbins books, homemade applesauce, weekly movie nights, and daily four-mile walks to inspire a soul...]

December 1999 ~ December 1st finds Helena sleeping on the floor, cold and lonely and terrified of her new apartment... Things always get better, though... I promise...

January 2000 ~ Maybe it's just me, but January doesn't really seem to be my happiest month, does it?

February 2000 ~ Trying to stay sane amid drag queens, ghosts and monsters, perverts, Peter, retards, and random memories. February 14th is Wet Cleanup's one-year anniversary and contains the "Best of..." links...

March 2000 ~ Helena's fourth month in the Ghetto Palace, aka My Own Place; Jeff moves in, Helena has a sort-of-almost boyfriend for like, a day, and is decreasingly happy about living with Peter... (interspersed with road-trip entries, etc...)

April 2000 ~ In a state of exhaustion and relative unhappiness, Helena moves Wet Cleanup... Also, she talks about her vagina...

April 2000, part 2 ~ Helena lives in the ghetto with people she doesn't really like...

May 2000 ~ Helena works a lot to avoid being randomyl unhappy, and have we all noticed that Helena knows some fucking BIZARRE people? Plus, she meets a few more...

June 2000 ~ Helena is in love, takes a road trip, meets a cute guy from a band, and mostly forgets about everything bad that she's ever thought about...

July 2000 ~ Helena is disgustingly happy about absolutely everything, gets a job at Java Joe's, plus lots of stuff about coffee and a few love stories in disguise...

August 2000 ~ A few dozen more love stories and a party with Aaron...

September 2000 ~ Helena gets a boyfriend and gets mad at a girl at work...

October 2000 ~ Still living in the ghetto, Helena rants about housemates that suck, and locates a new place to live...

November 2000 ~ After far too much Santa Fe Trail Blend coffee, Helena decides she's probably not real, and that pretty much nothing is sacred... Also, she finally moves out of the ghetto...

December 2000 ~ Helena loves Norman, makes various kinds of trouble with Aaron, and doesn't feel very good...

January 2001 ~ Helena is sad because she feels completely unworthy. Also, she talks about how much she loves her friend Jayden and Aaron, and she kills Dale Earnhardt...

February 2001 ~ Wet Cleanup's second birthday. Helena explains circumcision to her young brother and realizes that the world could stop at any moment and she wouldn't really mind...

March 2001 ~ Helena tries very, very hard to become a stoner-chick, fails miserably, and makes herself look like a jackass at work by asking some stupid shit about "baby muffins" or something...

April 2001 ~ Helena quits working at Java Joe's, falls off a moving train, and decides to build an underground tunnel to her friend Brian's house in Seattle...

May 2001 ~ A lot of random cleaning, a love letter to David, working at a café that serves chocolate peanut butter pie, and, without warning, becoming sicker than a dog...

June 2001 ~ Helena endures about two weeks' worth of mononucleosis, has a delirious fling with Brian, and decides to go back to college...

July 2001 ~ Helena tries as hard as she possibly can to ruin her relationship with Norman, despite the fact that she's just moved in with him. Helena is a stupid, selfish cuntrag...

August 2001 ~ Helena has her first taste of the Pacific Northwest, including a near-drowning experience, a bizarre drug experience, and a taste of real "Twin Peaks" cherry pie. Then she spends the rest of the month whining that she wants to go back. Also, she brings a dead pigeon to the Health Department.

September 2001 ~ Everything is sort of bad, some planes hit some towers, Helena's working in a Burger King, and the weather is starting to suck. Everything ends with a "yippee, fuck you!"

October 2001 ~ Burger King fires Helena for stealing a french fry. Helena visits New York City for a day to see Mulholland Drive and wreckage. Helena becomes ever more determined to move to Washington, and, after an all-too-brief visit from her dear old friend Neil, becomes ever-more determined to finish her book...

November 2001 ~ Helena is a loan officer's assistant, a nude model, an electrician, a student, and a resident waste of space, all in the same month...

December 2001 ~ Helena works on her book, and prepares for Christmas, and relocation to Washington...

January 2002 ~ Helena moves to Washington, has a fling with a fellow Lynch-fan, gets naked with her new dorm-mates, and becomes accustomed to rain... rain every damned day...

February 2002 ~ After a near-stranding in Seattle, Helena gets dumped by two separate individuals, neither of whom she was actually dating. To compensate for her irritation, she acquires a fuck-buddy and goes to an SCA event...

March 2002 ~ Helena ends up in Grand Mound, Washington, where she survives the threat of contagious heroin addictions. Also, Isaac Brock spits on her, and she teaches Wet Cleanup's readers about philosophy...

April 2002 ~ Olympia entertains Helena with its annual Creature Parade, a class in which Helena's professor is a goat-god, Smack-An-Anarchist Day, a great coffeehouse, and a couple of crazy homeless guys who eat a tulip...