January 10, 1991
Why Aren't the Older Brothers Married
162 Woodruff Ave. Brooklyn NY  Brother's Meeting

Surrender to Christ and really openly fellowship with brothers about my wrong attitudes and put them to death. Insteadof doing that I started to ah , I  started speaking to a brother here, a brother there, knowing that that spirit's gonna work on them. And ah,the truth is, I really do regret that I did that, first to Jesus and I do askJesus to forgive me openly and I do ask the brothers to forgive me and BrotherStewart, all the brothers to forgive me for the way I've been acting towardChrist and all of you because I would say I'm the most conscious of what'sbeengoing on in the older brothers and all these wrong attitudes threaten to spread. I I have no justification.It's been totally for my own indulgence that I've been doing it. And ah I know I fully repent and by the grace of God Idon't ever intend on spreading rumors and lies but instead to really make surethat I'm taking my own sin as being my real problem which I know that it isin living that way. And um...I haven't been laying down my life for the brothers, I haven't been concerned at all for the disciples. That's the shameful truth about me. Instead of really admitting the real truth, I've been going to althese excuses. And I'd say  that's where all the darkness has come in.And  week after week after week it's been like this with me for a while now. I would say like I've been getting worse and worse now for a couple of months. But by the grace of God I claim that all the brothers are gonna seea real change because I am gonna by God's grace  start valuing what Jesus did for me on the cross and start really being openly thankful and start really stirringup my brothers in the same way cuz I think the reason why the other brothershave been thinking that way too, all these things, is is because their own indulgence.But I I take the responsibility for the wrong I did. and the way I affected some of these brothers here. and I do ask the brothers again to forgive me.
Brother1: Denny, I'm willing to forgive you I hope I'm wrong but I thought grinning your face 30% of the broad ( hard to decipher here)
Brother 2 : Yeah I thought the same thing too. Something like that
Brother3: I wanted to askif you you really did repent, have really fully repented. It's a questionmark in my mind
Denny: Well, I claim I am right now
Stewart: So what are these rumors that you claim you're spreading about me and what is the real truth about them that you say and everybody says
Denny: Well, the thing
Stewart: You didn't go to that,what is the real truth?
Denny: The thing that Paulsaid
Stewart: inside of everyone
Denny: Well the thing that Paul said is the same thing I thought up too.
PaulS: What did I say?
Denny: The thing about ah, when you brought up the other night., "why aren't the older brothers married?"y'know
Stewart: That's not a fair question.
Denny: Yeah, I think it is really
Stewart: It is?
Denny: Yeah, it is cuz  I would say the bottom line is
Stewart: Why'd I ask it?
Denny: Well, I think you ask a question like that because you know that's a real issue with all of us.
Stewart: specifically....What's yer point?
Denny : I have my idea in my mind I thought you were just trying to get a little movement out of usand get us to face reality that we're a bunch of unreal zombies and the reason why we are is because we're not really surrendered to Christ.
Stewart: no that's not certain to be the problem
Denny: I thought that was really why. I didn't think y'know I I went to my wrong attitude to try to look try to find fault or something like that But I know the real reason why I'm not married is because I've been a coward.I don't show interest in Jesus I don't show interest in sisters
Stewart: What are you talking about?
Denny: I don't remember really
Stewart: Even I do, you say you don't? And supposedly this bothers you so much and you can't even remember it?
Denny: I don't remember really where you were coming from other than
Stewart : Nevermind where I was coming from, what were the words I'm asking you
Denny: Why aren't the older brothers married?
Stewart: In what context? What was I talking about?
Brother4: We've treated it
Stewart:: You don't even know and this is this is the big deal and you don't even the issue
Brother5 : Nobody believes us
Chuch M: Nobody believes us
Brother 6: Nobody believes us and we don't dare not ask the sisters what their opinion is. We don't ask the sisters what their opinion is because no one believes us.
Stewart: Well in fact, well in fact is it true or not? (Yes, it's true it's very true) Does anybody believe you? Are there grounds for you to be believeable?(No)Do you act like yer fully there?(No) And another thing, you say the sisters,you say brothers and sisters and their bitterness and their gripes
Brother7: I overheard them saying, Why don't the sisters talk to the brothers?
Stewart: well anyway that was wrong. Nevermind that. What about ah...So what is the real truth then? Are you believable?(No) why aren't you married?
Denny: I'm not believable and I'm not married because
Stewart: Doesn't all this griping indicate that you want to be married? (yes)Well then I double ask why aren't you? double then. If you want to be, why aren't you? You weren't satisfied when I just asked well I'll ask you double then, Why aren't you if you want to?
Denny : cuz of being ah..cuz of not being loyal to Christ and having the real confidence and clear conscience to show any interest in a sister enough to really stand up for her, is the reason why I'm not married. That's my own fault, that's why I'm not married
Stewart: Then why didn't you discuss that then? Why don't you discuss that instead of whatever it is you're talking about? your own conviction..what is your conviction?
Denny: That is my conviction.That it's my own fault and and ah what I did do instead was justify the way I've been living and trying to find fault that's what I would say I've really beendoing. That's where that wrong spirit I was in, I was choosing to be in,  I would instead try to blame somebody else, namely you..and um..I forsake that..It'snot anybody else's fault. I don't really believe it's anybody else's fault really,that's the truth, but because of wailing and really complaining against Christ and this way and not really wanting to pay the price and lay down my life I would say that's the real bottomline of what I was doing was complaining and hitting out and you were the convenient one to use because you're the one that's been really speaking the truth the most. about the real issues in my life and all of our lives and brothers and I just didn't really want to hear it. And I would say that's the bottom line, the root of all of this. And I don't intend on living this way and just living for the flesh.
Brother 8: I think you should find out from what other older brothers are thinking...other brothers about over the whole issue too. I was thinking like Joe Stren, Does he really believe what you said? I think all the older brothers really believe this. I think we should find out if it's the real truth and we should discuss it for real and ah find out where each brother stands about himself.
Denny:  I mean, Joe wasn't there but I mean. I know you haven't really been in Christ., I mean I can see that you're very much to the flesh and this life. You must be using a lot of things I really didn't talk to Joe. You mean...
Brother 8: I know.. The reason why I bring it up is I know you'll throw out comments like ,'I'm just a, I'm just dog meat' like you'll wail and complain, "I'm not married and I'm just "dog meat" and you'll do stuff like that but it's all coming from a very wrong spirit and a breaking down spirit instead of what's the real story about you. Y'know why, for instance, if it really is y'know, marriage seems to be really important,you want to be married, what's the real story about you?
Joe Stren: The real story about me, is the real reason I'm not married is because of my own indulgence, me not taking my christian training seriously and um that's the bottom line, that's what I must face. That's what I have a hard time facing. Because in order to face it I have to give it up.........In other words...In order for me to really face the reason why I'm not married is because of the way I am and it has to be the attitude of turning. And um all this week I have not been coming from thankfulness of what Jesus has done for me. But I've been just looking at myself and complaining about the way I am the way my life is. And for me marriage is one of the biggest things um in this life that I care about that I desire. So it's like , it's ah a big issue with me. it really hurts. and um I can only blame myself. That's the bottom line. And I'd like to blame Brother Stewart but that's not it. The real fault is me. And I know that and that's it.
Denny: are you wimpering right now, I mean, y'know
Joe Stren: This is the truth, wimpering or not , the truth is the reason I'm not married is because of me. It's not because of anyone else. And that's the truth.
Brother 8: y'know I think, this is just my opinion, I think something that would help a lot of us older brothers is to face what all this stuff that we're doing, whatever, over all this how much this hurts Jesus first and how much it hurts the brethren.
Stewart: As I recall the other night, I was speaking at that very time2 things (belief) one is, one that you've not gone to is that you're not believable but in fact nobody believes you. In fact, nobody does believe you. In fact everybody thinks, you're darky. Period. However I was also speaking of thatyou have traded in all reality for the sake of your wierd club. Wasn't I doing that? (yes) Such as marriage. And I think the older sisters know this stuffvery well, totally agree with every word I said. totally agree.I don't think you'd dare test it with them.  Well?
Denny: I didn't bother, that's for sure. I'm sure they do agree. I'm sure they do.
Stewart : They're the ones that have plenty to lose. Every single one that has tried married your way, every single one. What's the result? Every single one. (Total disaster) You want to go on playing at that on the one side and grumbling on the other side. And somehow there's some answer.No answer that way at all. Let's hear it.
Denny: Well I repent. Again I make it open that I do repent cuz I know that it's not anyone else's fault and I have been grumbling because complaining against Christ
Stewart: I I introduced the word grumbling. Well you know ah....all this foolish talk concerning me that's all it is all this foolish talk itself is only the tip of the iceberg. Now what really is going on here?
Denny: I think what's going on is what I did say a couple of minutes ago that I've been seeing the cross very clear and not really wanting to pay the price. But somehow trying to look for another way. And that's what my complaining has been. The underlying truth about me is looking for another way. Even though I know religion is totally wierd and all the ones off  the path that are playing the religious game I know that that's very wierd and yet somehow I've been going for it my way, trying to stay in the fellowship and yet some other basis. So in that way I would say I have been trying to look for another basis. Knowing that it's not God's will, knowing that it's wierd and strange and then hiding all this, being in the dark and in that way pushing this on all the other brothers. And I do repent. And by the grace of God fully intend on taking Christ seriously and what he did for me on the cross seriously and never returning to a life of making excuses for the flesh.That's what I think has been the underlying problem with me and in general with the older brother fellowship. And all ofus being into our own individual dark minds about all this instead of
Stewart: Speak for yourself... The way I look at it you've gotta a Ron about to explode and you gotta a darky that can handle deceit and lives on it,in his dark mind. And then you've got everyone else, all the other older brothers. But I still think there's a common denominator with all three even though the circumstances are approximately in three, the one that blows up, Ron. Darky here that lives on it. And all the other brothers. What is the common denominator of of older brothers. What is the common denominator? Well I came prepare tonight to speak about the word grumbling. It's 5 times in the New Testament. It's a  word you almost never use. Grumble. I think that's the bottom line. Grumbling. I think the whole bunch of you older brothers are living and acting, what you're doing is saying,"Oh God is cheating me.I'm getting cheated. I'm getting cheated." And you'd like to turn it into, "Stewart is cheating me." Well, lots of luck. Lots of luck. You're living as though you've been cheated. Now you'll notice that attitude, "I'm getting cheated."It's the very opposite to overwhelming thankfulness.(yes)It's the very opposite."Not only am I not thankful for what Christ has offered me..."I thought 2 years ago you heard about overwhelming thankfulness, I thought you heard about trading in this life.(yes). Having begun with denying yourself you're now ending by building up at any cost. I think grumbling.And grumbling can be described as the attitude, "I've been cheated. Jesus has cheated me."And you won't say that. In fact it takes quite a bit for you even to admit that you're playing the "Stewart cheated me." Even that takes quite a bit . But wake up it's what's you'rereally doing. "Jesus has cheated me." Are you,you read it, "Jesus is Lord and I am thank gladly His servant." Is that you? I'm gladly His servant? I consider it a very good deal. Is that you? And if it isn't, you're grumbling. You know the first one's in Matthew. Jesus spoke of the vineyard and ah he gave a denarius to the one  who had only worked for an hour. And the older brothers had worked all day they said, "Oh we're getting cheated." They grumble."We're getting cheated." didn't they? (yes)"You should have given us more."Y'know several of them, "Malcontents" you're not satisfied with the deal he's given you. You're not satisfied. I think that's the underlying thing. I mean Stewart or no Stewart, marriage or no marriage. I think that's a convenient lightning rod, that's all. I think the brothers are grumbling against God. The older brothers are grumbling and the new ones do it their way. You're telling them to, training them to do it. You're giving the very opposite to overwhelming thankfulness, "I'm very thankful for His mercy toward me. And that's the underlying thing. Y'see without that, there has to be grumbling. Because, here you are, and I'll use your expression, "in the fellowship" whatever,I'll use that term, I mean your body is here. We'll use that term to mean your body is here, and that's about it. Well that's a very unsatisfying condition to be in. In fact you're more than a body. But you're living like that's all you are, just a body, you're dog meat. That's you're own view. In fact there's a lot more to you. It's meant to be, it's meant to be taken care of in Christ.You're trying to take care of it your way. It can't work. You don't get it.(yes)You're in the fellowship, but really where are you?

Denny: trying to ah handle, trying to live my life my way really.
Stewart: When all is said and done. in other words, utterly rebelling. Far from thankful. Do you older brothers, do you come from "Life is short"? (no) I guess not, I guess not. I guess so. In your mind you think you're coming from "Life is short" because you say it once in a while? You think "life isshort" describes you, Jay?
Jay: I think more and more it is
Stewart: Well then you're losing your mind. Perhaps that's insensitive aye?( That's reality, that's reality) You think that you(coughing) you're an example of "Life is Short", that's what everybody gets from you, "life is short." I would I would question eh,  you don't even spe, you don't even talk that way, I would say. Maybe once in a while, enough for you to start an argument.But I didn't say that anyway. I said do you come from, in other words that'syou, that's your form, you. Life is short. I doubt it. I think you're allcoming from we're gonna live here forever. And we've gotta build an empire here. Your own words, your hope is in this life. Maybe that's the problem.That's gotta go. That's the problem right there. Or you'll never be in right marriage. Because remember, right marriage means(coughing) means what? Means you must, means you must hate your wife! Try that one on. And it means you must love her and hate her. Doesn't it? (yes) Try walking that one the way you are. With your games. Try that. You mean you never even ran that one through your computer?(yes) Didn't even run it through the computer.Well try living your phoney imitation of it. Hate and love her at the same time or you've had it. Anyway marriage is not the issue, I'm not the issue. I think grumbling is the issue with the older brothers, grumbling that Jesus has given me a bad deal, "Why can't I be like Johnny down the street?" Now what would you like to see changed. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

Brother 9: I would like to see change ah no more grumbling and but we all be glad servants of Christ. And really, He's not given us a bad deal. it's a very very good deal. If you wanna talk in terms of deals. If that kind of language is even right, given us the forgiveness of sins and repentance, and things you couldn't even number, so many things.
Stewart: I spoke the other night of there is a small fee. Not that you're writing anything, a small fee. Are you brothers willing to cough up? The answer obviously is no. You haven't been at all. Not at all. Not really. Let's hear it.
Denny: I haven't been...(no)
Stewart: What's the problem? What's wrong here? That was the question, what's wrong here? And another thing you speak of. I don't get myself tested. What do you think I'm doing, I am living me, I am living honestly, you're the ones that aren't, you're the ones that are deceiving the new ones. I'm not deceiving you older brothers, Ron! deh all er all of ya. I'm not deceiving you. I am living the truth, actions. (yep, i believe that, I trust that)You are deceiving the new ones. And you think you're gonna shift the emphasis to me? Well how do you plan to do it?
Denny: Well I don't think it's true that you are living deceitfully. I know that I have been and by God's grace I don't plan changing that, trying to make somebody else my problem. I know sin my sin is my basic problem.I fully intend to start living that way.
Stewart: You say you agree with the things I say well what are they? What are the things that you don't agree with? What are they? Brothers, what are they?
Denny: Well the other thing I was using was the unapproachable thing but I know anytime
Stewart: Y'd better believe I'm unapproachable. When you're in your condition.
Denny: That's right
Stewart: You'd better believe I'm unapproachable. Furthermore God isunapproachable in that condition too.
Denny: Anytime that I really was living by faith um Jesus..
Stewart: Even even not living by games that's enough
Denny: Not living by games..Jesus through Brother Stewart has always been very willing to help me and I know it's all a game on my part. It's eventhat really. There's no grounds for that either.  But, again I was using
Stewart : The old game to get me to try to change somehow, to be more suitable to you, perhaps?
Denny: I think that's the underlying thing right there
Stewart: Lot's of luck. I've been practicing the truth. I see you coming miles away. What are the things that I say that are wrong? What are they?Let's test them. Bro's, what er, let's hear it. That you think are wrong. What are they?
Brother 10: Okay I'd like to say one I'm not holding a grudge but um..wella lot you're on me about studying languages y'know and um okay I shouldn't make too big of a thing of something's that's light but then I'll notice you still study math. Here I'll think you're telling me not to do something and you do the equivalent of, the same yourself. And I notice right away whenever you make reference to mathematics you'll talk at a meeting or I mean all thetime
Stewart: I purposely do both don't I? I purposely do both don't I?
Brother10: well I don't think you purposely talking about mathematics
Stewart: Oh I don't, it's accidental that I talk about mathematics. I don't plan to talk about both almost in the same breath with you, huh?Wake Up!
Brother10: Well it doesn't...
Stewart: Listen, the issue with you is that's what you're looking to in this stuff, i'm not looking to that stuff, you are! And that's the point. And anyone with half a brain knows it.(right) So what I'm saying is right. It isn't the Math or the German that's the problem nor marriage(right)It's your stupid way of going about it. Well then if you know all this, physician, Heal yourself! What do I say that is wrong?(I was hoping in this thing, Hoping in this life, making) what do I say that's wrong?
Brother11: You mean now?
Stewart: And ever. Brothers are saying, you think I say things that you don't agree with that's wrong. What is it? Is that a fair question?(yes) What is it? What is it?
Denny: Well a whole lot what you said over the years, it's not what we do but how we do it. That's what I think. Bottom line is it's not these things anyway, it's how we go about them. What is our hope in? Anything that can even compete with Jesus is an idol. And even that can't be tolerated. That's clear in my mind. That's clear to all of us.
Brother12: The problem is the games we play about hearing the truth cuz we wanna hold onto something. That's what I see and then you wanna hit out at the person. Brother Stewart or whoever is telling the truth. They did it with Jesus.
Stewart: As far as I know I'm not holding onto anything like that. How bout you?
Denny: I have been ...by God's mercy I'll..
Stewart: And I do break up all kinds of things. How bout you? Where you'd keep some, what did you say, keep some. What?
Denny: I've been making excuses
Stewart: I thought I heard a voice there.
Denny: That was George.
Brother 13: ah..some idol hokum..something that we're looking to we don't want to give up.
Stewart : So what is wrong here then? What is wrong here?
Brother14: Trying to have it both ways trying to hold onto this life among the older brothers
Chuck M:coveting this life,
(insisting on having, that's the problem)
Stewart: Say again.
Chuck M: coveting this life is the problem. Brothers, we wanna we got this drive we wanna hold onto this  life. We wanna do things our way. We wanna try to handle, I wanna try to handle my life my way. The drive is real strong. And if we're not really really...
Stewart: Well that's always there.
Chuck M: Yeah but we're not really going against it, really putting it in the light then we got all these nice little things in our head, to goround and round about rather than the real issues. And Jesus, y'know, y'know
Stewart: What is the point? What I'm saying is "I'm getting cheated"
Chuck M: Yeah
Stewart: Well you didn't go to that. You only went to the general.
Chuck M: I'm getting cheated because...
Stewart: You're acting as though God is cheating you.
Chuck M: right. It's unfair for Him
Stewart: it's unfair, God is unfair to you
Chuck M: It's unfair for Him to require me to really die to this life and really surrender everything. That's a lie. That's a real strong drive and that's a lie. Because, y'know eternal life, y'know, it's all coveting for this life. That's ah it's a real strong drive but it's a lie. Really weknow it. We all know it.
Stewart: Now how can you teach the new ones not to grumble?
Chuck M: By being...
Stewart :
when in fact you are grumbling? "God is cheating me" How can you ever train them not to grumble?( can't, it's impossible,total hypocrite) Now grumble is 5 times in the New Testament.you study it.What is grumbling? Complain is another one. And isn't it the opposite to thankful,  gladly...grumbling is the opposite,  gladly?(yes) In other words, you'reserving some kind of a ...dog meat as you say... not a glad servant but because you're in chains. Be not a horse or mule... It has to be kept that way. That's not the New Testament at all. Gladly serving Him, out of thankfulness. Now I suppose, have you even been doing it physically, these Hell bible studies(we've been slacking, gotten away from it again, slack off, been slacking off) Well if you'd been even doing it physically, you certainly haven't been doing itthe real way, you certainly haven't been facing what you're asking for. Whatare you asking for by not gladly, thankfully remaining in Christ? What are you asking for?
(asking for, Here you have what is yours, a strong delusion and hell) You can't be facing it even if you are reading the words. And you allow this stuff. No man can serve two masters. One life at a time. What is really wrong here? Why isn't there a lot more...now you know, it is true that to the flesh life in Christ seems hard.  But it's God plan that we have,your builders outstrip your destroyers.And that we have far more motivation than we have problems like this. I don't count this worthy to be compared etc. That's hardly your attitude.
That's the New Testament, what's available for us. Once again, you can't have that then. It's a hard life to you isn't it? Why?
Denny: Because of cheating...
Paul: Because I'm grumbling and saying that I'm being cheated by Jesus cuz I don't get every, get what I want and He keeps me from having especially if I'm hurting.
Stewart: So what does it all come down to? Now let's hear it. Always the older brothers, now the new ones get little value out of this.
Brother 14: I think it comes down to, well, we wanna get paid before we finish the job. We wanna get paid before we finish the job.
Stewart: You'd rather vaction now huh? The fundamental issue is denying self. Is that true, bottom line.( yes). Provided we suffer with Him. Well, let's hear it bro's. What's wrong here anyway?
Chuck M: Well the brothers not, us, me and my older brothers not
Stewart: Grumbling saying "God cheated me." (yeah) It wasn't you that died on the cross. And you say He's cheating you? You older brothers don't seem to be ah(snapping) upset by what you're doing.(snapping).
Brother 15: I said that I repent of it already but I think I'm just bearly y'know, not really being urgent about getting back to what Jesus...the real problem with me.
Stewart: Well, everything I tell ya...two days later you manage to get rid of. Or is that insensitive for me to say that. ( No, that's the truth, that's the truth) I would gladly be just a little bit more than insensitive to you if it would wake you up. Go bro's.
Brother 16: Well I'm tired from being, from grumbling that's been creasing my conscience, that I've been grumbling and acting as though God has cheated me out of out of something.
Stewart: Then you don't even have to go to that. Have you been ovberwhelmingly thankful(no) And if the answer is no, you automatically are a grumbler. Period. You're not a neutral little cream puff. If you're not satisfied and if you're not glad and desire His offer. That isn't good enough for ya. Then you're certainly grumbling And being kept in the sheepfold. You wanna go out and play with the devil don't you? "It isn't fair, why should I be kept here?" Cuz you might repent. Wanna go out and die quickly?(no) You might reach repentance. Of course you might out there too. Care to take the chance? (no) Let's hear it bro's
Brother 16: By his grace I'll intend to really openly be thankful, keeping it out front. and that's all you're gonna hear from me because I'm thankful to Jesus, He died for my sins. I intend to fully value His sacrifice.
Stewart: You speak of 2 years as though that were 2 minutes or something. That's quite some time, 2 years . But anyhow you did hear overwhelming thankfulness. Why'd you leave it? Why didn't you practice that for 2 years? Where would you be? Overwhelming thankfulness. I know where I was heading. And it was not requited to me. That really was, my, where would you be now? You'd be believable. Are you trying to have it both ways?(yes) Let's hear it...It's late...What's wrong here? (grumbling, I'm cheated, grumbling, instead of)
Paul:  I'm shortsighted of what God saved me from and not being thankful for
Stewart: How often have you heard that there is, Why are the older brothers so alone? Is each one of you an island?(yes) How often have you heard it, "Why are you alone"? Because there's only unity in thankfulness for Christ. It's the only thing you respect. The only thing that you know it's right. There's only unity that way. And that goes double for you. Any other kind of unity, you know it's another trick. You're already up to tricks yourself. You're not gonna go for any imitation unity. Why are the older brothers so alone?(brothers guessing) and what is alone? Alone is very very joyless, unmotivating, meaningless, purposeless....and you do it all for the sake of what? Paul said he does it all for the sake of Christ but you do all this for what sake? Now when are you gonna learn, you can't have it both ways? One of them has to go. Hah ha..And if that's insensitive(smirking)...one of them has to go. I call that the New Testament (thank you Jesus, that is) Now why don't you give up tricks and trying to scare me? Why not unite in serving the truth with a glad heart? It's the only thing that's gonna work. Or must ya kill yourself? That's all you're gonna do. Let's hear it.
Paul: We can unite in serving the truth with a glad heart (me too, and overwhelmingly thankful for what Jesus has done for me)
Stewart: And now we start a new game of trying to look thankful so that the old, so that the new disciples then will believe you. Is that it? (no)(Brother Stewart, May I be excused? I have to go to the bathroom)
Chuck M: Well, brothers agree? (yeah)
Stewart: Bro's, let's hear it, What is wrong here? (grumbling, grumbling all hoping for this life, "God has cheated me") God has cheated me(not true) God has been extremely kind and gracious and has given me an amazing gift. Now which is it? (God has been extremely kind and gracious and merciful and giving me the gift of His son) some said the words, some did not say the words. Well, you got the point (Yes) Everybody looks to something to keep them going. I mean why should I go on and on, I mean I've said all this explained it all over and over and over( for years).......He's jealous isn't he? (yes) Now how do we get the new ones not to grumble their way, the new ones grumble quite differently. It certainly isn't this conscience, knowing, thumbing their nose and deceitful, of course it's not all the older brothers are as good at deceit as Denny. Nevertheless, what do you think Jay?
Jay: not be grumbling, and overwhelming thankfulness
Stewart: What about it?
Paul: Jay, what do you think?(What's wrong Jay)
Jay: How to get the new ones not to do grumbling
Stewart: Their way. Their way is not conscience, figuring out, rebellion.Planning it. Living on it. Taking advantage of His kindness, knowing it. etc. That's not the new ones(no). It wasn't you at first. (no) You've forgotten what it's like? (yes) How can you get the new ones not to grumble their way. But be thankful their way. You see you can't. If you're not an example, if you're not an example of thankful. You don't come across as thankful for Christ. There's no way you're gonna get the others to be thankful for Christ, no way. If I weren't in fact genuinely thankful there's no way I'd be impressing you as hard as you're fighting. You'll break your own head to to find a way to break out. No?(yes) See what is at the bottom? Thankfulness? And that's the one that doesn't go. It's true with me. that one's not negotiable. Did you give up on being thankful?(nope) And marriage is not the goal either. It's only one more sign. Of what's really wrong. You're not believable . Why? You don't mean what you're saying. You're talking about Jesus but you don't mean it. Isn't that what the new ones say, directly? (yes) You talk about Jesus but you don't sound like you mean it. You say I expect too much of you. Is that too much, that you mean it? How is that? That you should mean what you say. How is that expecting too much of you? That you should be thankful. I know you understand Christ died for your sins. You could be thankful, you're eligible. You could value His sacrifice. a lot more.  Let's suppose you do value His sacrifice in your head, in some way., But you trade it in for this. You don't guard. You're not careful. Well now, how bout the newer ones? Now how can you, you don't have right examples of being thankful. (tape is damaged) Is that fair or am I being harsh? ( that's fair) So, how do the new ones stir each other up to be thankful; not to take advantage and not to start complaining. You think about it. Complaining the way you do underneath it all. You're not aware of it as much as the older ones. But underneath it's saying, "God is cheating me" "Why do I have to give up this stuff?" That's complaining against God. And that's nothing, we'll lose it anyway.  You gotta stir each other up. Not the grumbling. Be thankful in all things without questioning and without grumbling as innocent children. you read it. And what's at the bottom of all this? Thankful to Jesus and His way or secretly ' I know better'? See, bottom line, which is it? Bottom line. Go Chuck.
ChuckM: I'm gonna be really thankful for  God's love for me and really concentrate on His  sacrifice for me on the cross and be thankful and not ah get wrapped up in all my other drives, because I do have drives for this life and to make sure I'm guarding myself and my hope is set.
End of Side 1
Chuck M : And I've cried wolf many times
Stewart: You've cried repentance many times
Chuck M: Many times
Stewart: I think you should take it seriously
Chuck M: I'd say by the grace of God I do take it seriously, by His grace
Stewart: You went through Brothers seeing you behave the way you ought to or is there something wrong. This is the real issue. Underneath it all are you complaining, "Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty, let him answer." "Underneath it all God is cheating me." Exactly as the parable says. No bro's?(yes) Now what are we gonna do about this? Something more for the older Brother's to think about, is that it? (no)
Brother: I say for myself being openly thankful myself and urging others to come to their right minds.
Brother 17:  For me really valuing Jesus' sacrifice for me and make sure my hope that is set in His promise, instead of y'know, looking away from His promise.
Stewart: "I'm just sure I can engineer something better for myself." Does that sound familiar? (yes) I'm just sure I can engineer something better. I hope you try it. Let's hear it bro's. Well brothers? So either the flesh or the spirit gets cheated. One of the two does get cheated. In a way. Either the devil cheats you out of your spirit. Or in Christ you lose the flesh. Take your pick. It's one or the other. So the older brothers prefer that the devil cheat you out your spirit huh?
Paul S: No I don't (no)
Stewart: Then what are you doing? Think yer gonna have it both ways? As a man sows. What are you sowing to? Thankfulness? And the Spirit? Listen, we all got a problem. Attracted to the fraud. What are you doing about it? Are you really breaking it up or are you letting it go on? Bro's!? (Letting it go on and I'm gonna start breaking it up, start breaking it up) Long ago you said I will not serve. We all have it in us to grumble. How many new brothers tonight?
( There's one, but there's 2 that left right?, 5 I think, 4 left) 4 left!! Now  WHY!?(mumbling) No real guardian. We began with guardians right? Now what's wrong here?(Grumbling, Jesus, spirit of thankfulness, cheated) Tomorrow night are we gonna redo believable guardians? (yes) Believable guardianship. Who really is a guardian and who just doesn't care. Let's hear it. ( Yeah,I fully agree with that, I do too, I do too) Sisters,how was your meeting? (very hopeful) Let's hear it.
Sister1: We fellowshipped in our thankfulness first, especially I'm very thankful for God's love towards me and um we all fellowshipped together in that. What Jesus has done for us and then um Psalms 56 We got into different_____  also, stirring each other up and helping each other.
Sister 2:  We also checked on our sisters fellowship too to make sure that we stir one another up in our thankfulness to Jesus
Sister 3: We also went over our older sister, our training papers, making sure we get into that, really go against all our our sister/womenproblems y'know  like hiding and breaking that up, burning our bridges
Sisters 4: Sisters who made commitments last week checking on them and seeing how they are. Encouraging each other, y'know, to walk by faith.
( a sister is speaking but it's very difficult to hear what she is saying)(Tape noise here)(Brothers together say "thank you Jesus")(Tape noise) (Brothers together say "yes")
Stewart: Brothers had a good meeting here, right brothers?(yes, we did) Older brothers are working on keeping me honest. If I'm not an awful lot more honest than you're keeping me honest, you've had it. This is keeping me honest. So uh, that's true if Jesus didn't directly uphold me as He has, really amazingly, He really has. I do thank, I do glorify Him for it. He really has upheld me. I've often thought that what He said to Peter, He's arranged with me that my faith may not fail. It should've, but deserved to often. But He's arranged that. it is His Grace. I'm really thankful for that. Now how is the brother's meeting here. What happened?
Brother 18: ( hard to hear what this brother is saying)(The brothers are correcting him saying " it's the older brothers") Brothers meeting we discussed the brother's problem. Problem is grumbling
Brother 19: Grumbling equals "God is cheating me."
Brother 20: it's the opposite of being overwhelmingly thankful for what God has done for us, instead it's living like now like "I'm being cheated by God", hoping in this life , instead gladly being a servant of Christ.
Brother 21: We got into some of the older brothers were grumbling and questioning, complaining about Brother Stewart and he brought them out into the light. The real issue is grumbling against Christ. So we were sayingGod is cheating me. I like this life. And I don't want to give up my flesh.it's an opportunity to be overwhelmingly thankful.
Chuck M : Especially coming from the parable in Matthew about the ah um, the ones that labored in the vineyard longer grumbled at the ones that came at the end and that's the way it applies to us older brothers.That really applies to most of us older brothers and ah By the grace of Godthough we're gonna really practice our thankfulness and keep it out front though(yes).
Stewart: You complain that I say that but nobody believes me, yet what happened tonight again? What was the vote? They mostly don't believe you(yes) Now I am your enemy for telling you the truth. Hold onto your notes. Now all you got to do is get together and try some dirty tricks. Maybe I'll give up. On your salvation. That's what you want aye?!(no) No!? You worked hard for it. Next, now what else about our meeting. What happened?
Brother 22: Well, there's a suggestion that we look at ourselves more like the beauty that God made us verses looking at ourselves as dog meat which creates the underlying attitude of "Why are these things going on in the first place."
Stewart: That's right, that's a bad attitude, you know when George referred to the "U" finally, he did say the three words. The "U" you'll notice was nowhere all night. Brother's aren't thankful for the "U".
Brother8: Well one of the, another big problem is because the older ones, not being thankful. We don't, there's no good example for the new ones. Because they have their way of grumbling. And there's nothing, we're not being a good example for them to stop them from their way of grumbling. Because we're grumbling in the deceitful ways. So they  especially need to stir themselves up and us older brothers need to be good examples. Being thankful for what God has done for us.
Brother 23: Unite our God is, we how serious God is, and keeps some older brothers, come clean instead of running away from the truth(yeah_
Stewart: you don't have to be afraid of the truth. The truth really does work. Right Jay?
Jay: yes
Stewart: That's yer example. The truth really works.
Jay: By God's grace it will be(cough) It will be by God's grace
Stewart: Now let's hear some more, Brothers and Sisters, how's the meeting? (Brothers and sisters together)
Paul S: I'm thankful that Jesus bears with me and that He takes ah, the wrong things have to come out in order to be thankful. Well not in order, but with those things going on there's no way I could be thankful. Like I would be vastly sowing to the flesh, poison. I very thankful to Jesus that He stopped me from my wrong ways.
Stewart: You're not taking this seriously, this bottom line. The bottom line,provided you suffer with Him. It's still, "Not me." Let's hear it. (That's the way it is) "Not me," huh? Still scared of a few nails? Back where you started, huh? Is it, that gonna be the bottom line on you?(No, by the grace of God, it won't be) If a man does not abide in me, that means "abide on the cross" among other things. Let's hear it. Why can't you older brothers be thankful? Why can't you arrive at that level, thankful for His sacrifice? And mean it? (I can, Consider where I would be elsewhere, otherwise, consider where I would be otherwise) Now is that too hard for the sisters? (no) Arrive at thankfulness for His saving you? (no) Honest thankfulness. There are other problems we have. Honest thankfulness. And the new disciple, look at that. Came to the light. Best you can to is get the older brothers to reason about philosophy and their problem. And they say that's interesting and then they put it away and 2 days later... Tender conscience...Look at that. Now you think we need to pray together? (yes) Let's unite to our father and thank..... Any verses, "Let us lay aside every weight and sing,weight and sin that clings so closely. Have anymore like that? "Cast off the works of the darkness" How  many more? (many) Chuck! What!
Chuck M: I was thinking of the verse, "Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness. But instead expose them." It's the one I was thinking of.
Stewart: You gotta take this seriously. These are not nice suggestions. We gotta big problem. If we treat the problem lightly, it wins. (yes) Can't treat it lightly. Strive. What does that mean? (works) well, sorta kinda work (struggling, hope, a whole-hearted struggling) instead of the natural course of events. Ordinary men. Well now let's hear it, the brothers are tired. It's late. 12:40am How'd go in the business today.
Paul S: Jesus gave us 4000 clothes right on the nose (thank you Jesus)
Chuck M: more speaking about y'know, working at our goal, I mean it's rolling along, but it should be a lot more,
Stewart: Now what was underneath it?( I wasn't thankful) How much was it, "Careful." I guess you threw that one away 2 days ago. huh? "Careful." Was that on your mind? (no) I gotta watch me. I gotta watch the flesh, that's the striving right there. That's part of it. "Careful"? Older brothers? (yes) Older brothers gotta be more careful (yes) Way gets narrower (yes) So "Careful" wasn't on your mind either, huh? (no). Man, I wonder what was down at the bottom of all that stuff. "I'm getting cheated."
Brother24: Time we start stirring one another up
Brother 25: We should be glad we were handpicked.
Stewart: We should be glad we were handpicked, How do you like that? That's true too. Handpicked. He knows His own. He leads them out.Each one. Not one is missing. D'ya think anyone of you could bring yourself to be thankful all day tomorrow? Is that possible? (yes) yeah yep I'll tell ya. Well maybe it's just cuz it's late. Tomorrow it'll be different. Now how's that? (18 hours of being thankful) Now you brothers spend all your time calculating about yourself. Instead of thankful for being saved from all this. Think we oughta get to sleep? (yes) How's the new brothers? Tomorrow night, you get real guardians. Oh by the way, you gotta get real guardians tonight, make sure they got...you want another 5 lost tomorrow (no) And where's those 5? You gotta find them. 5 more tomorrow, who's into it? (yes) Those 5, where are they? That disappeared. (mumbling) Let's find them! (yes) They were handpicked. Let's get em. (yeah). That's pleasing to God. Anything else we gotta go into? Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Meeting, another meeting tomorrow in Philadelphia.
Chuck M: What about a meeting this Sunday in Philadelphia (Thankful meeting thankful)(maybe fellowship in new ideas for the business)
Stewart: why are the brothers alone?(shouting all the new teaching) Why does each one sit there with their head bowed, utterly thinking about himself? Well women, how would you like to live that way? (no) Always thinking about you. (no) You have something to be thankful to be delivered from.(yes) instead of digging into it. Well, you think we oughta get to sleep?(yes) Lord willing we'll see you all Sunday, God Bless you.(God Bless You brother Stewart) Keep it in mind, keep it in mind(Bernie, Bernie)