This is Mike Montoya...uncut...he just sits down and talks to you. so there is mis spells and fragmented emotion. So laugh , cry and email him.

August 3rd 1999::: Today was a bad day. My bad day started yesterday. So this was a bad 34 hours. I went to the school and paid for tuition and some books. This semester will be called the thick book semester. 3 of the 5 classes have one book each...3 inches per book. So I am making my way across the street in an accelerated fashion and popped something in the right side of my left calf. Oh golly....so I one-foot hopped to my car and drove home. Joce rubbed Flex All 454 on it and ace bandaged it and told me that it was a normal injury. She was right. By the night time I was putting weight on it. Then this morning....the car stalled 4 times on the way to radio and then died. I had to ditch the car on I-25 and walk to work....in the rain....thank God a police aide car spotted me and got me to radio before 9:00am. So now I'm at the biggest station in the state of NM. 50,000 watt clear channel. At night 770 reaches 18 western states. What am I doing?....bulk erasing carts...that lasted about 3 minutes and then the rest of the time...i'm staring out the window listening to Limbaugh talk about our president, the murderer. The tow truck finally gets my car to the shop for the 6th time this year...usually $800 to $1000 per visit. Don't cry for me...it's not really my car and it's not really my money....and well....it's turning out to be..not really my life right now. I have a great idea for a talk show....I could go national...it would make broadcast history...and I am pouring coffee and stuffing bagels...hey ..it's my journal...and I'll cry if I want to....so I pass the day between my imaginary national audience and my loving wife and children who believe I am somebody right now. My Dad had a gathering at his house. The whole neighborhood was filled with cars. I went over to drop his clubs off and get the keys to his other car...someone in the party greeted me and praised the radio show I did 2 1/2 years ago. I felt like a has been. I imagine I will get a degree and go on to what God wants...but right now....I don't see what's coming..and the present is no day in Florida. I finished the first 53 pages of the Understanding the Colored Bible book( Stew wrote it in 1975)Yes it is PART 1 so no it's not complete but within this Part 1 it is word for word. So current cobu members can follow along should they choose to bathe in the nostalgia of the glory days when Stew was trying to be legitimate. Rather funny how Stew phrased things..."The Author believes"...And "so the author..blah blah blah"....Really has an authentic feel when you read it. And of course early on you get the plugs for true interpretation and exclusive interpretation. I would keep that in mind when reading this little ditty. Watch for words and phrases that seem to block out everyone from the outside and narrow the power to greybeard himself. I hope to get a few more documents on the page. I need to get a tape of the Stone Mountain Manor meeting of 1985. I have the Personality bible study of 1972? 1973?..It could be the earliest recording of Stewart. The man loves to hear himself talk. And he loves to hear 16 and 17 year olds react to him. On this tape you also get Stew actually talking about his gift to discern spirits...oooh..woooow...pheushhhhh..heavy.....and you can see how unheavy everything actually was. There are some interesting points yes...but I would like to know where Stew picked the stuff up. That's one of the patterns throughout Cobu history...we were all impressed by Stew's revelations but when we woke up from the ether...we realized that there was alot of flash and smoke but nothing you could actually take home. I wrote Stew recently. I know others have too...He doesn't respond. He complained at the Grace Meeting with Gayle whining right next to him.."Nobody told him he was wrong." Goodness!..If you were wrong Stew...why didn't you step down then? You kicked everyone around for 17 years..not 25...and you then blame the victims. It's like Clinton..."I accept full responsibilty for my actions." Okay Mr. President..will you resign?..."Never"...yeah...Stew..."I repent"...okay will you now restore four fold those whom you defrauded? "ehh..no" Will you step down and allow your brethren to get another pastor? "eh...no"...Will you change how you treat brothers and sisters?..."eh..no"....hmmm...just exactly what are you repenting from?....what are you turning away from?...what 180 degree change can we expect?..."eh..well...I will be nice to you today...and then tomorrow..I will bash the sisters of 162 and then for the next 10 years I will grow steadily worse and about 100 of you will be left after I am done with you...and it will be your fault..and oh yes...none of you will get married or have children in the next 10 years and well...you are basically gonna be more hopeless 10 years from now than you are today."..Thanks Stew...thanks alot..."oh and within the 10 year period I am gonna stop coming to fellowship for 2 years. I will still be your pastor and will still draw a paycheck but I won't be around to pastor you and I will blame you for being rebellious. I couldn't get away with this in any other church..but I have you so conditioned to fear me and not question me..that I can live down here in Florida in these Condos I put in my name not the church's name and just do all my hobbies like flying planes and photography while you work for me and sacrifice all that God wanted to give you, for me. I have always said that marriage is the best thing in this life...heck..I did it twice...but you will never get marriage...because I have made it impossible for you to get married in COBU. And the marriages that started before I got wise...I have ruined or disrupted so that you will be afraid to get married." Thanks Stew...you Da man...what a guy! Well...let's see..."going on to deceive and being deceived." ...need to look up that scripture...hmmm..."waterless clouds"...where is that scripture...need to get my concordance.

Aug 2 1999:::Ever pour out your heart in an email and have the other person....not respond?....It's happened to you , I know...cuz I have not responded when someone has pour out their heart to me. And now I pour my heart out and get no reply. Serves me right....and then again...I have made the mistake of assuming that the other person saw my heart pouring and just hit the delete key...this is not a safe assumption....the other person could be stuck under a refrigerator or some heavy farm equipment. He or she could be away on vacation or sabatical or retreat...and even though you see them responding to other people's mail..hey...maybe your mail got lost in cyberspace and they have no idea that you are sitting there waiting by the email box..waiting for some kinda of sign that he or she is okay with you...and you are insecure...ya know...heart pouring out there ...out there pouring the heart...and well waiting for that someone you really really respect to answer your 2 emails and the 3rd email about the 2 unanswered email. And when you have shut yourself off from the 3 mailing lists and only get 2 emails a day one of which is some ad to buy a radiotelescope...oh for crying out loud throw me a bone....I'm hanging here....What did I do? What have I done? What did I say..that I did not say openly? what did I not apologize for? wha wha wha? If anyone is reading this and is on the list...could you convey to the York PA brother ...that I really desire speech with him.

Aug 1 1999::: Dreamed dreams last night. I had all kinds of ideas for radio. Also dreamed about something that made no sense. The person said "Publicity is the end of the loon." Now this could mean Publicity kills a fool." Not sure. It's Sunday..seems like a long time since I've been in the assembled congregation. I was just last week, studying Ruth. In 2 weeks Joce and I teach the 2 thru 4 year olds. I'm kinda there as an enforcer. Joce teaches and I shout and carry on so the kids do what she says.(lol) Gotta go...Cheerio's and milk. Pip pip!

July 30 1999:::With much wisdom comes much vexation...and with just a little wisdom you get depressed. I have been away from the Onelist more than a week now...the email box has a few letters from friends in it. And some administrative tasks that only I can complete. I have prayed for wisdom knowing how foolish I am and God has granted my petition. I forgot the vexation part of the equation. I look around at the world and all the possibilities and I see weariness. I trace everything to it's conclusion and there is emptiness. God gives us power to enjoy things. It is hard when God witholds that power. I am not sure what the discussions are on the onelist. I cannot say if they have been elevating or degrading. We tend to do one or the other. I got the job at the big news station and it is going well so far. Everything is possible. Looks like Joce and I are going to be lent another car. We live a paradox(sp). We do not have much money but we drive luxury cars, We do not save much but have a house. We cannot afford anything outside of budget but get treated to things our nearby friends dream of. We do not own but possess much. I ran into trouble today. I thanked God yesterday for the great circumstances we are in and today the circumstances changed. So I ask you, should I have thanked God for yesterday? Should I have waited to make sure things stuck in place long enough to know that God was placing them? It's the Blessing cursing game isn't it. I think all good things come from above..so I thank God...but when those good things sour the next day then I must wonder about their origin. The car was lousy last week. The car was great the last few days...today the car shows signs of future failure. So I play hop-scotch thanking God and also wondering what He's up to. Is He involved at all? Why should God care about cars? Why should He care about jobs and money? I know that when Jesus was here in body, he and his disciples did not go hungry.

90% of what my son asks for is not good for him. So I do not grant his requests. 90% of what my son does is not my will.....As a Dad I now have a glimpse of what God goes thru. Most of what I ask for is not His will. Most of what i do is not his will. When my son asks for something that he wants and is good for him and is right then I give it to him. Now I see why God will grant us everything according to His will.

July 27 1999::: Well..I'm out...for a while...Learned something on the weekend. If I continue to talk about Stew then I am still in COBU. Does that make sense. When I started the site I thought getting us all together was good and it was good. And it is still good...for some. But for me...I realized that the more I talked COBU and Stew the more I needed to take breaks and detox. I kept excusing myself and trying to get a fix on what all this meant. I realized that I was not past alot of this stuff. I used to scoff at those who didn't join the page or didn't take the time or show interest in getting back in touch with xboos. I hastily thought that they were ashamed to be associated with brothers and sisters. Then I found out the hard way why they kept a distance or reserved their energy for their current life. They are doing the best thing for those still suffereing inside cobu. They are proving with their lives that they do not need Stew or COBU to be faithful to God. They are proving by actions that they truly have faith in God and His love for them. God has blessed them with husbands and wives and children and flocks and well...when all is said and not done in cobu...these brethren can just point to God's rich mercy and grace and not say a word. I have turned my email off for now. All the important documents are on the web site. When I get part 3 of 1 John 1989 I will post it. It is a testimony against the current members that they acknowledge the sick nature of the documents I posted...but they defend their beloved COBU and Stew by saying that the documents are incomplete. They accuse me of omitting parts of the text to make them look worse than they are. Let everyone who reads this know that all the documents are complete. All that I was given I posted. I transcribed the Grace Meeting 1989 word for word. I made an open invitation to anyone who can produce any document more complete than what I have posted. The 1 John 1989 is 2/3 transcribed. Within the 2/3 there are no ommissions. I have listened to part 3. It does nothing to make Stew look better but worse. I think the only documents I seek now to post is the Stone Mountain Manor Meeting of 1985? At this meeting Stewart actually apologizes begrudgingly to Little John and the older brothers and sisters for the years of abuse he inflicted on them. Of course like the Grace Meeting, Stew is far removed from his apologies and repentence as evidenced by his lack of real action for real change. At the Grace Meeting he introduced the brethren's forgiveness of him as a subject to get into much like the way he intorduced interesting bible topics. And , if you were there, the next day Stew landed on the sisters of 162 Woodruff Ave. So much for grace and the new teaching. So with Stew there will always be a new angle, a new teaching, a new revelation...as long as they keep working. That's right brothers and sisters inside...you are married to an abusive husband...you can't really leave him can you....he keeps treating you the way he always has and you might even report him to the police but you never press charges...because he's "your" abusive husband..and you'll defend him til your last breath...which could be sooner than you think. I don't know if any of you inside read the newspaper or catch the news so you might want to muster up the courage to ask Stew((you see he does quite alot of outside reading)))Ask him about O.J. Simpson. Ya see O.J. physically abused his wife Nicole for years and she never pressed charges and never seemed to free herself from the relationship. She finally left him and moved across town and O.J. took a knife and nearly cut her head off. She died instantly from the attack. Ron Goldman, Nicole's friend tried to stop O.J. and was also killed. So my beloved brethren, you may not believe you are in an abusive relationship but you are. You may sense that there is something wrong but you do not have the strength to fight off your attacker. You are afraid of him. He has dominated you for so long that you do not even think of life without him. Yes you are christians, but he has taken you far away from your first love. I remember the 1 John 1989 meeting when Stew actually told Paul Saustak " Then you were never born again." "You never knew Him"....well brethren...if you are willing to let Stew take away what you know to be true and your relationship with God...then prepare for worse. You may have laughed at Jonestown and Heavens gate. How could people believe such junk and kill themselves? Take a look at what you used to believe and what you believe now. Tell if Stewart hasn't ruined your ability to stand for the truth you do know. And if you cannot remove him for his false teaching and wicked treatment then you are preparing to die for him. Many out here are praying for you all. Our hope is that you come out from among her.