Lately I've been thinking about what a survivor is. This site is for those who survived cobu. We know that surviving doesn't mean we come away from something whole - be it physically, emotionally, or spiritually. People in the military come back from wars often scarred for life. Some can say they survived an abusive relationship after they've left the person. Or we simply say that we are surviving life. I think it is such a poor word if it just means, " I made it through with limbs intact".

It has to mean more. A friend told me recently that when she thinks of what a survivor is she thinks of overcomers. Now I like that ! An overcomer. That's what I want to be. Wait, that's what I am ! But it wasn't always so. I had survived cobu, with limbs intact, but that was the only thing that was intact. Emotionally and spiritually I was wrecked. When I started to get it together with God's help, life eventually slammed me through other ways. Without having good fellowship , I became once again, like one who was just getting by. Barely. A survivor of some sort. I began going through the motions, doing what I had to do, and hoping that somehow in the process I was making a postive impact for God. Eventually I fell away again . I could not save myself.

Was I an overcomer ? Not really. I thought an overcomer was someone who was happy all the time, not giving in to temptation too much, and always trusting God. Kind of like a man made holiness. Except with God's help of course. I strived in my own strength.

It is written that whoever is born of God overcomes the world...because greater is He who is in me then he who is in the world - and we know that Jesus has already overcome satan. So from these verses I saw that I have the potential to be an overcomer IN CHRIST. hmmmmm. I was missing something, just didn't know what. Somehow God made a way through Jesus, for me to walk in victory. To keep this short by not turning this into a big study, or giving everyone a very long testimony ( even though it is a beautiful terstimony of God's love and care for me ), I will simply say that I needed to learn some things. I needed to learn who I was in Christ and exactly what Christ accomplished for me. This took prayer, revelations ( it is God who teaches), and plenty of healing. And lots of prayer for me too.

I can't say I was much of a survivor until I became an overcomer. It is written that this is the victory that overcomes the world -our faith. My faith was more in me then in Jesus. I hoped in Jesus, but I trusted no one but me. Now it is different. I trust in Jesus , not in myself. And that is how I overcome. It requires seeing that I can not fix myself. I cannot make myself a better person. I cannot heal myself. And protecting myself only put a barrier up between me and Him. It requires letting Him come to me and heal me, protect me, teach me ( there was a lot to learn ! ). Accepting the fact, that I can't be fixed - this is why the sciptures teach that I have been crucified with Christ. The old man can not be fixed. A big lesson there ! It requires healing and dying. Yielding and learning to trust Him again.

So what kind of survivors are we ? The ones that are surviving physically ? Or the ones that are overcoming ?

God is gentle, and loving and deeply personal. It is He who does the greatest work in us. It is He who longs to set us free from sin, to heal us of our wounds, to teach us to trust on a deeply personal level. It is He who draws us. That longing for something more... It's Him calling. Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. It is He who trains us for battle. It is He who fights for us. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

I'm going to keep drawing near to Him. He is my reward. He is the One who holds the answers to life. He is my healer, redemer, sanctifier, righteousness - my creator and the One who loves me more then anyone possibly can. He is the reason I live.