June80             Third Big Brother Meeting                                            June 14 - 15, 1980

             Stewart asked why is it this way when you are left to yourselves? Why when you are left alone, does it come to this? Who said it was different before this session? You all said it was different in the first session.  You had good fellowship before the session and then you are unable to fellowship.  Then you conned Jim into doing what we try to get Stewart into doing...
 real fellowship isn't like that. (During the first session we went round and round by ourselves and Jimmy and some brothers read the notes from the last Big Brothers Meeting. ) How do you expect me (Stewart) to treat you--as if you were in unity and fellowship?  To treat you as though you were all fellowshipping with each other and that everything is all right like you were all having good fellowship. As a man sows so shall he reap. You don't know why you sit there in fear?,

             Before the session during supper there was an awful lot of foolishness  and levity. You heard it from the last meeting. How levity is poison. You fellowship in levity and trying to have a good time even if you are using the cute lamb course to do it. If you had an attitude of wanting to be close to Jesus you would want to fellowship.  You don't discipline yourselves according to the truth so you let yourself indulge and come to the meeting here.  You greet each other in the flesh, not with the holy kiss, and look for something to get off on.  Where have you been at the whole last month?  Some say investing in the lamb course, then why do you have to come here weak?  If you are sitting here weak, you must not have been.. you brought no bread.  You have no strength.  How can you be investing in Jesus and why does Stewart's walking in make you collapse?      Invest in levity and you reap sorrow and then more anxious toil to try to hide it.  There is only unity in a really serious commitment to Jesus.  If it is not true, why did this happen?  You always look for shortcuts. . . another drink.  You don't trust Jesus or trust in investing in Him.  You greet each other in the flesh, then you want to claim to be a Christian. You may hate the results now... but' you will hate it worse after July 4th.  You always make these speeches about what Jesus shows you, so why does it continue   the same? You badly try to get Stewart into deceit or anxiety.

             It seems like most of you want nothing to do with each other.  It's Jesus' will that you "love one another".  You bite and devour each other.  The hopelessness of the tricks of deceit aren't going to work.  The lambs and middle aren't into biting and devouring.  You seem unable to fellowship.  You insist on settling for this "show unity". . .. You are ashamed that you let yourself get into foolishness and levity.  You are not 16.  You won't invest in Jesus to raise you.  You all need each other for entertainment.  You do the very thing you hate and go for that poison, then you see and go to the other performance which is trying to cover it, and then R & R. . You try to tell yourself that you are not doing what you think you really are doing.  The only possibility for you (you know too much) is either desperately alone for the rest of your so-called "life" or an honest commitment to Jesus.  You heard it... seven times worse. There is no other unity for you.  You have been called to heaven.  You haven't been overcoming so how can you help each other. You don't respect yourself.     So how can you insist on anything from anyone else, so you say, "What's the use?" "I might as well have another drink." You rebel against what Jesus does show you.  Why do you try so hard to hide in Stewart so that your shame might not be seen?  Why do you have shame?  Because you are not heeding what you have heard.  You need to be ashamed.

             Why didn't somebody do something real in a believable way in order to do something hopeful? (Endless psychology).  These are not lambs here.  Paul said "faithless creatures..."You have disgust for the lamb course.  Lambs are a homogenous group and the middle.  Right here is the iniquity.  This group is not at all homogenous. As you move from lamb to sheep, stubbornness increases.  It is no wonder.  It is another drag of a meeting.  It's that 24 and older group.  It's that group.  It's still the same problem.  You want to be sheep and not shepherds.  That is what is running p u. "I want to be happy."

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           The older once do not care for the real Jesus. It   seems  unfair that 21-year olds   should! be consigned to this. Surely the younger ones are easier to be trained out of this.      The older ones simply do not care to be healed, but increasingly, those 21 and 22-year olds can     be coming out of this fellowship. It is obvious that it is not fair to consign them to this. Alter  you are 25 and  30, 10 years difference doesn't mean too much. From that older group is where your leaders will come, over your dead body, but it is where they will come from.  The present middle ones are those who think the most meaningful life is representing Jesus.  There really are the older ones here and they are different.  Stewart can treat them differently.  They have been saved for
quite some time.  They have thumbed their noses for a long time.  Perhaps some will be rescued from that 21-24 year-old group.  The older ones are content to sit in poison.  Stewart said he lives in an oasis.  We live our lives circling around that oasis, even though Stewart invites us into his oasis.  We would rather live out in a desert.  Stewart hates to bring Gayle out in that desert.  You are satisfied being Arabs in a desert.  It's worse than "let us stay. . . with the cattle.  " You are terrified to mock Jesus and refusing to invest in Jesus.  How come such cowards "Women will be your rulers. 11 Only the sisters, try to do anything.  We have to arrive at a real basis.  It's unnatural that you have a number of Lambs and the same number of elders.  The lambs respect you for your knowledge and your energy spent toward Jesus.  You are spending a lot of  energy toward Jesus and the lambs confuse that with faithfulness to Jesus.  Faithfulness to Jesus changes as you get older.  There is more required.

           Matthew 14-.22-33 - Lesson 5 - Increasing your Faith
              The average one of them (the disciples) had to be    older than the average age here. How is it that you appear burned out compared to them?  Have you had a sinking feeling?  As soon as Peter saw that sinking feeling, he cried out, "Lord, save me!  " You will sit there and wallow hour after year.  A story about this passage will open the 5th lesson of the lamb course on
increasing your faith.  Twice Jesus came walking on the sea.  Peter walked on the water, not the sea. There is a big  difference. Why do you suppose the 5th lesson is going to open with this passage?  Because the 3-week old lamb coming upon this 5th lesson has seen himself beginning to sink and he is willing to cry out, "Lord. save me. II He has little faith. The answer is increasing his faith. So. this passage point  8 to the problem... not enough faith. So the rest of the passage says it.  Jesus decided to teach his disciples a lesson.
 

           We have a sinking feeling. You heard it one way or another (not in figurative language) a thousand times.  You heard it direct.  The lambs will react honestly.  You have eaten it up how many times and refused.  Some day you will understand.  Are you also hardhearted. . . ?

           The disciples were as safe as could be while they were in their rowboats, but they didn't feel safe.  Faith makes you feel safe even in your rowboat.  The disciples needed to see Jesus and have some physical relationship with Jesus before they would believe.  But we have faith.  The point is that faith must increase. (There was not much reaction to the 5th lesson. ) It is sad
 that you react this way.  The only thing that matters to you is levity.  Someway to get off on something. So you eat it up right away instead of investing. You heard it often. Why do you allow that so-called fellowship?

           Why do you continue like this?  Afraid to take a chance.  Peter gladly stepped out of the boat. You won't jump in any more, but maybe the 21- and 22-year-olds will.  The older ones are burned out and wiped out.  Life is over.  You don't marvel at Jesus.  They (lambs) are not saddled with guilt.  Those first disciples weren't lambs.  Woe is me.  So, it's either chirping
nonsense or withdrawing.  That is what you get for investing in levity.  "How I hated discipline.' At the end of the day.  Does anybody act like they really mean it all the time?  Due to little faith, even if you do step out of the boat, you only last a moment. There is only one answer... working at increasing your faith. . but. . it's woe is me ! Are you too weary to repent' You stay
in the rowboat and get blown around.  There is no interest in unity in Jesus. . not enough.

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            Somehow you can make it your way... It's not  good for you to get things that you do not need if  you are able to work yourself to get them.  If you refuse to work, it's only right that you lust sit there.  Unable to unite. . . so you want to get something to get off on.  It's hard living out in that desert. Gayle is used to an oasis.  What percent of you is investing in Jesus ? Then answer yourself why you sit there in fear. It's filtering down with the older ones from the pecking order which they have established. It's hard living alone in a desert. How could you be this way?

            Since your only- goal for years has been to wipe yourself out so you won't have to work with Jesus and irritate each other so that you can't stand each other, you've arrived.  Unless Stewart calls some kind of national day of mourning and prayer. . . nobody believes that anyone else desires to pray, not enough, anyway. to overcome this.  Stewart said he began with contentious Christians saying, "Can't follow a man" (translated "Don't really follow the truth.  ") and wound up with us saying, "I insist an following a man." Peter called out, "Save me.    Jesus reached out his hand.  All day long I hold, out my hand to a rebellious people.

            As of now it's been each to his own house.   That's not loving one another. You look to your own interests not really those of the others.  How could you have been the way you were today, after years unless you were only looking to your own interests. You don't want to be shepherds.  You want to be sheep.  Shepherds can love one another.  Sheep can't.  Those who are 25 and over ought to be visible in their putrid existence or in their success.

            Tomorrow, we'll split up into 2 groups.  The basis of the groups has to do with responsibility. A quotient of physical age and spiritual age.  Generally, one group will be those 21-24 years old and the other group 25 and over.  The purpose is so the younger ones can be free of the spirit working through the older ones and so the example of the older ones is visible.

            Among the older ones there certainly will be a division.  Harry has a report on some of the older ones he will give tomorrow.  As a corollary to Harry's report, we ought to discuss whether it would be worthwhile for us to begin all over again moving to N.Y. or possibly somewhere else (most of them are in N. Y. now) and establishing some kind of fellowship.(all the older ones) There is a case for it. Eventually, we really ought to--when the Lamb Course, Sheep Coarse, Child  Course are done. Numbers should be getting narrowed down to those who are really serious.

            THIRD SESSION:
            (We divided into our two groups.) Then Stewart asked what it was like before the session. Serving the interests of others? I know the rules--you  are not going to listen. The Bible says so. (Stewart will tell us the truth, but we are not going to listen. . for years.) Paul said, "Grievous wolves entered in." Moses said it. Samuel said it. I know you're not going to listen.
All the people said, "We will be good.  " What the people really want is to make an idol out of being a nation and being like a nation. You have a new  pecking order. Now you have some interest in life.  Gayle gets pounds of letters that this one said that to me and this one said this to me.  You don't care about Jesus.  You may think that you do, But look at the results. You allow this.  You heard the one get up over here (younger sheep) and say, "It shouldn't be up to the older ones to lead the fellowship." You allow that; therefore, you have your shame. So, you are investing in your idol, your society.  Pretty much, you're giving up hope that Stewart will be your king, Stewart said, "I'm not going to be your king; neither is Jesus. This is your condemnation... the fact that you need this pecking order. The Lord isn't enough for you.  NOW you have some interest.  Instead of your Lord.  You ,don't listen to the truth. Now you see something hopeful, and then you will make an idol out of it.    Stewart said, 'I'm as
perverted as you, but I can learn a. lesson.  ' You just won't learn a lesson.  Life must be lived  with respect to the COBU. Numbers are done over that.  You've heard it for years--Be faithful to Jesus with all your heart first and then you can have fellowship in the Holy Spirit. Instead, now you've put this (new pecking order) first and you made it and you are going to do it.

And it's your condemnation. The Lord is not enough. You need this, so you will have it. But this is the fig tree. Every evil of theirs is in Gilgal. They ask for a king. Your hope is in  your relationship with Jesus. Now that you have this, there is some interest. Pretty soon this one will be over and you will need a. new Disneyland.  The society you are constructing here, which you are, and you're into doing it.  It's the only meaningful thing to you.  Every possible way you show that.  There is not one trying to gather his brothers.  There is not one angry at it.  This is what you will have--your society.  Society and sheep numbers are your enemies. Yet you build up your enemies.  You will build up your society, while God's house lies in ruins. You need it; nothing else will move you.  Give strong drink to those who are perishing.  Make up your society.  Live with respect to it.  "I don't want to have to see what I'm doing, nasty Stewart.  I was having fun.  You ruined my fun.  " is what you say.

         It's necessary that there be divisions, but it is your condemnation This is not reflecting heaven. Some went down to the sea in ships doing business on the great waters. (PS. 107:23) You are not going to get out of this.  You say with your mouth, "You are not your own, you were bought with a price, " but you've had it.  You were saved for a purpose: to provide Christian
leadership - and you are not interested.  And when you hear your leadership mocked, you permit it.  You will have to have another kind of leadership.  You don't listen, of course to the truth.

         There could be another division., individuals shining as lights  in a crooked generation. They would appear that way.  The division would be automatic . They would have fellowship.  But you are not interested - you've showed it.  You were saved to be used by Jesus.  Either you are or else.  So build your house to hide in it. (Stewart said he wouldn't have anything to do
with a deceitful thing like this You are really into it.  Now you think you are going to be a hero and not be into it.  In fact, you totally are.  You were saved to be used by Jesus to love one another.

Older brothers forget - if you're wise, you are wise for yourself alone - it's preaching and spirit that gets across to other people and is effective.  You know it's only for yourself.  One of their biggest frustrations is they know all this stuff and can't get it across.  It gets worse and worse trying to get it across, because they are putting their spirit to death. (Even what you have is taken away. ) It turns to vinegar. Where's spirit? What brothers do you see desiring to make Jesus known?  You'll see some talented at jack-in-the-box numbers.  Desire does not get turned an and off like a spigot the way you do.  That is a performance.  You hope in everything but Jesus. Verse for the middle ones is, "Pray that you may have strength to escape all these things that will take place and to stand before the Son of man.  " (Lk. 21:36) Rise, let -as go each to his own land and perish there. You are going to establish your society (older ones) and live for it.  You may try running but you are not going to escape.  All the older ones are investing in the cult, not in Jesus.  That's what must be seen.  You have had warnings.  These things are done for their warning and our instruction. Future generations can remember what you did since you're determined to sit there (older ones).     You older ones are valuable, one way or another.  Stewart said he intends to make the most of it, for the lambs.  First, for your own salvation, but you are not interested.  Since you insist on being dead bodies. . . (they shall go
 forth and look on the dead bodies of those who have rebelled against me. ) You think it's all right to stand up and make speeches about "I have allowed myself to invest in the sheep." This is your condemnation.  You will do what you choose... what you desire.  Sit here for 3-4 hours and the Sabbath will be over and you ca-n get into what you really care about.  NOW you are too proud to eat your devices.          God said you would be filled with them. This is your  thing.  Be proud of it.  You won't lay your mouth in the dust.  You must drink.  You try to work your way around God's word.  You are too good for this!  Now this isn't fair.  To your other cult members you say, "Keep away from me, I'm set apart.  I'm special.  " And that's loving
one another ? That's escaping? - Ecc. 10:4 - You will hide what you are really doing.  You will try to do it in the dark and get off.  But you won't unite.  You won't admit the way you really are.  There is no healing then.  You are really desperate to obey Jesus, aren't you' Stewart asKed what he's supposed to do.

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           From  now  on, we are going to have five groups: Lambs; young sheep instead  of middle; middle sheep; older sheep; older more responsible  ones. At the Big Meeting, we're going  to have a session where we'll have a lamb meeting,   meetings of these other four groups all at
 

           After we had divided in two groups (over 25 and' 21-24 year olds) Stewart said there ought to be another division among the older group--those who are older physically and spiritually. The ones who are really responsible, who hide the most.  This division should be largely one of physical age coming from the lamb and younger sheep thing.  Responsibility is based on both physical and spiritual age. In this older group ought to be the child and the man. (Division must be the top third and bottom two-thirds. ) To the older ones -- You see yourself trapped by your own doings.  Know and see that it is bitter to forsake the Lord your God. Old sheep die, one way or another. The success or failure (of the older responsible group) as individuals and as a group is valuable to be clearly seen by everyone. Everyone is headed for it. You will be an example one way or another. The older ones will make up your own lives.  You are a group.  You ought to desire responsibility.  The church ought to expect leadership from the older ones; although the church ought not.require anything from those who intend to do nothing.  Maybe there ought to be the "retired group.  "  I don't intend to work is what most of you are saying.  You intend to sit there and think.  The older ones will be seen leading the church or their own cult.  It is necessary to be seen that there be divisions among you.  You have to be beaten into something. The older ones don't leave.  They don't backslide.  This category learned to live with sickness and guilt.  They hate each other.  They used to be lambs.  How come you're not proud of what you are and gladly
discuss it.

           Before you do anything, you have to face something awful. (Some brothers answered, "We are not leaders.") But Stewart said, You certainly are leaders, loud and clear, one way or another.  What you must face his to do with the word "we".  Each of you don't mind making a speech about "we".  You are a "we".  You have to be acting together before you can do any-
thing, That's why all the brothers individually take advantage.  There is no "we".  The biggest thing for the whole church to watch is whether this outfit becomes a "We" or continues as a group of individuals.

           Love one another.  Or take advantage and panel your own house.  There doesn't seem to be much interest in uniting in Jesus.  There is a common denominator between those who don't want to and that is that the devil works through them.  They are leaders of the cult.  They don't need a personal devotion to be led by the devil.  You need that to be led by Jesus.  Just relax
and sit there and be genuine cult leaders.  You could unite in your love for Jesus and for one another.  It really is up to you.  You will do your desire one way or another.  Each one is out or himself.  Faith, hope and love ... where is the fruits of love?  Your life is miserable because there is no love between you. You can settle for a society of rules. or brotherly affection.
 

        How can you do something you don't desire?  What is your hope?  Some kind of R & R with yourself.  It's not loving one another in the light.  You don't think that's your only hope.  And then you will try your own way.  You are not sick and angry about it.  You may be emotional but that's not sick of it.  Now you have something to hide in- a speech from Stewart.  There is
nothing meaningful in your life.  So you go after a private audience with Stewart.  It's a hopeless approach.

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 Life is a drag.  There is a certain  stability. You learn to live that way.  It certainly isn't Christian. So when Jesus comes, you     shrink in shame at what you are doing or you're proud of what you are doing. You  only  love the ones you are interested  in and  the ones you are into (and you're not ashamed of that. ) It's not Christian love--but human love. Why change if you
 are not ashamed of it? You would be helping each other if you were fellowshipping with Jesus. You want everybody to love you.  It has to be turned around.  You don't need your brothers to catch you.  Your conscience tells you right from wrong.  You are the ones that are able to start being Christians.  The others can roll along.  For you it is work.  Jesus was 30 when He began. What bothers you is that you are not loving. You already have right desires. It's whether or not you are going to invest in the desires...You still have to plug in a desire to use the desire you have. You don't gather everyone. You got beaten into gathering everyone finally. Christians would do it themselves.  Far out beasts can't even be taught.  Wash one another's feet.
Your heavenly Father will not forgive you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. Loving the truth because it is the truth..(Is that what moves you?) because you love Jesus. No,  you have to be manipulating. You are able to lift your own hand from the dish. (Someone suggested all the older ones moving back to New York for training. ) Stewart said that the ideal
thing in that you got really trained and go out in fellowship.  No hanging with one another. The older ones have got to be responsible; instead they just exist and get into not even supporting their own families.

                  Between now and the next few weeks be studying Rev. 12 and 13 and  gathering lambs not in anxiety. Rev. 12 - You heard about being trapped. That in what you fear about it. But you won't touch it. Rev. 12:12 - Stewart is concentrating on coming from and aiming at the meaning of that verse.  You will learn about it.  That verse is very, very significant in the context of those two chapters. (Rev. 12 and 13) You are withdrawn as a result of not trusting Jesus but maneuvering for your own way.  You should all live the lamb course like it was an emergency for the next IS days.  You all find lots of things to go R & R about. Christians do not stand by and watch lions and tigers devour their brothers and sisters.  You have trained yourselves to deceive yourselves for a long time.  Stewart cannot stop you from being satisfied with a weird spirit.  He urged us not to put up with it.
It, s too bad we put up with this spirit.  We are not sick enough of this.  We are willing to lie down in it.  U we hated it and resisted it, God would hear our cries.  Don't make negative promises to Jesus.  Promise what you are going to do.  You don't have any power over what's  not going to happen.