(Helena and Jayden are lounging in Helena’s living room, eating potato chips and drinking wine like there is no tomorrow and gossiping. The apartment is small and sparsely decorated. We see Kurt standing in the kitchen and the women giggling together in the next room. Kurt is sitting at the kitchen table shuffling papers around, oblivious to his wife and her friend. Jayden and Helena are wearing nightclothes and are bundled up several blankets; they are cozy and happy. They ad lib about high school friends: “I heard she got FAT!” etc. with Jayden’s voice growing increasingly louder until she bursts out with a hysterical schoolgirl giggle. Kurt looks up from his papers finally, stacks them neatly, and goes to check on the women.)
Kurt: You guys okay?
Helena: Mm-hm. Sorry, Kurt.
Kurt: Just making sure.
Jayden: (holding up her glass) Kurtsie-wurtsie! Can you get me some more, please?
Kurt (looking startled at the nickname): Um… sure. (He pours her some more in the kitchen. Helena smacks Jayden in the arm for calling her husband “Kurtie,” and the two ad lib a whispered argument/scuffle, which becomes more and more juvenile until Kurt returns with the drink. The women immediately fake complete innocence.) Here, Jay. Helena, are you coming to bed soon?
Helena: Um… Kurt, I-
Jayden: She’s sleeping in the living room tonight, Kurt. We’ve got girl stuff to catch up on!
Kurt: (somewhat bewildered) Ah, all right, I guess.
Jayden: Don’t worry – you won’t be missing much. We’re just going to compare tampon brands all night and drink ourselves into oblivion. By morning, we’ll let you back into the conversation. Of course, if you’d like to listen to tampon-talk right now, Helena and I will be glad to include you!
Helena (shocked): Jay!
Kurt: Helena, don’t you drink too much.
Jayden: I’m watchin’ her!
Helena: I won’t, honey. Are you turning in? (He nods, surveying the room, taking in Jayden’s somewhat-awkward presence; Helena gets up, kisses him goodnight, and walks him to the door separating the kitchen and living room. She whispers an explanation for Jayden’s behavior, which we don’t hear; Kurt waves it off as typical Jayden-ism, but whispers some parent-like warning to Helena not to emulate Jayden’s behavior too closely; i.e. – “now don’t you get that drunk,” or “don’t stay up too late gabbing.” Helena agrees, kisses Kurt again, and goes back to Jayden as Kurt walks through the kitchen and offstage into the bedroom.)
Jayden: So.
Helena: Jay! What’d you do that for?
Jayden: What?
Helena: You know what!
Jayden: Say it!
Helena: Say what?
Jayden: Tell me what I did wrong!
Helena: You… I don’t know! You just-
Jayden: Honey, you need to build up that self-confidence, girl! You’re acting like the last fifteen-year-old girl in the locker room to get boobs!
Helena: YOU were the last one in junior high to get boobs, Jay.
Jayden: And look how I turned out! Don’t be so damn shy, girlfriend! You can yell at me for terrifying your husband if you’d like.
Helena: Well that’s not what I was going to say, but…
Jayden: What were you going to say?
Helena: I dunno… I… (suddenly catching onto Jayden’s spirit) What’d you go and terrify my husband for? You know, he’s never going to let you stay over again!
Jayden: Almost good. But first, put the word “fuck” in it somewhere, and second, it’s your house too, and you invited me, so Kurtsie can just go fuck himself.
Helena: Fuck.
Jayden: Complete sentence, girlfriend.
Helena: Fucken English major! Fuck you, Jay!
Jayden: Hm… better… Have another glass of wine and then say it.
Helena (catching on): Look, you were the one with the boob problem!
Jayden: Good girl! Okay, forget the wine; you’re a goddess!
Helena: (beaming) Thank you!
Jayden: So you started to tell me something earlier about Kurtie banging some other señorita, didn’t you? What’s up with that, Helena? Are you going to tell me yet?
Helena: Jay, I shouldn’t have said anything about it…
Jayden: Is it his secretary?
Helena: (giving up trying to hide the secret from Jayden any longer) I don’t know. I don’t know…
Jayden: What are you going to do about it?
Helena: What do you think I should do about it?
Jayden: I think you need to find out if it’s true or not.
Helena: How?
Jayden: Well, if you’re opposed to stalking, which I think you should be because it’s degrading, you ought to just ask him point-blank. What makes you think he’s cheating?
Helena: He comes home late from work. A lot.
Jayden: Uh… yeah?
Helena: He never um…
Jayden: Wants to fuck?
Helena: Yeah.
Jayden: And…?
Helena: I can just tell. It’s like… like I’m not quite good enough, Jay. At anything. He doesn’t yell, he doesn’t hit me, he doesn’t come out and tell me I’m inadequate, but it just radiates off him…
Jayden: (gently, seriously – she is sobering up) Oh, honey…
Helena: (now that she has begun, a dam has been broken) I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I liked having sex with him, Jay. And he did too. He still does sometimes, but… I don’t know what to do. I guess I’m not that exciting of a wife. All I do is sit around the house or go grocery shopping during the day. I read and sew and cook and do all the things I’ve always done, and I guess he’s just tired of me and my monotonous little ways…
Jayden: Honey, you’re not-
Helena: I wouldn’t even care, you know? If he would just tell me. If he’d tell me what I’m doing wrong, if he’d explain why I’m not good enough, what she does that I don’t, what I could do to change things, even why she’s better than me. I just want to know. I can accept it if he wants to have an affair. I just want to know. I just want to know that he still loves me, even if he is, you know, with her. I just want him to love me, Jay – is that too much to ask? I just want to KNOW it, to know I’m worth it.
Jayden: Honey, put the word “fuck” in there and say that again.
Helena: I just want to know I fucking WORTH it.
(Jayden suddenly reaches over, gives Helena a long, passionate – and slightly drunken – kiss.)
Helena: What the hell, Jay?
Jayden: You’re worth it, honey, and if that wasn’t so damn weird, I’d take you home with me right now and tell you to be MY wife. Kurtsie-wurtsie doesn’t know what he’s got if he dares to sleep around on you. What more could anybody ask for?
Helena: You.
Jayden: What?
Helena: Do you know how much I wish I could be like you? I think sometimes, if only I could be more like you, more confident, more stable, he wouldn’t be doing this to me. If I had your guts, I’d stand up to him, ask him why the hell he’s cheating on me when there’s nothing wrong with me. I’d list every one of my good qualities and shove them right in his face. But I’m not you, and I don’t KNOW if I’m good enough. I don’t know – I just don’t know… He’s cheating on me, Jay, and there’s nothing I can do about it. For the same reaon he’s cheating, I can’t stand up to him. He knows I depend on him. He knows I don’t have anything without him. He knows I don’t have anyplace else to go, so why shouldn’t he cheat? I guess I would try to do something about it, except… I’m just scared he’s hiding it so well because he’s planning to leave me.
Jayden: If he was planning to leave you, he wouldn’t hide it at all.
Helena: Really?
Jayden: Mm-hm.
Helena: He can’t leave me, Jay. I can’t live without him.
Jayden: Yes you can. Don’t you say that. You can live without him, and you can live without me, and if you have to, you will.
Helena: I would have nothing if Kurt left me.
Jayden: You sure as hell would, girlfriend.
Helena: (taking a huge gulp of wine) Mm…
Jayden: If you confront him, girlfriend, and he dumps your ass, I am NOT letting you go homeless. You’ve got me. You’ve got me always.
Helena: Jayden, you… You and I… We hadn’t spoken in years except for Christmas cards! I DON’T have you. I can’t confront Kurt. I’m going to lose you as soon as you walk out this door tomorrow morning. You’re going back to your writing, back to your life, back to your gorgeous apartment, back to your boyfriends and your sixty bazillion friends… We won’t hear from each other until next Christmas.
Jayden: Honey, I am so sorry…
Helena: Huh? For what?
Jayden: For not coming down here sooner. I’ve missed you so much. But every time I thought to call you, I figured you didn’t want to hear from nutty old me. I thought you’d be better off without me intruding on your life again. I knew you had a husband and figured you’d be starting a family any day now, and you know I tend to get in the way of your life.
Helena: You know you don’t get in the way; you’ve got to stop thinking that! You give me so much, Jayden! So much strength! I wish I could be like you! You’re never afraid to say what you feel! You’re so much braver than I am, so much more-
Jayden: Listen, whatever I can do for you, I will. You’ve been there for me, and I will be there for you. No more Christmas cards for us, honey. We’re going to spend them together after this, okay? Remember the time when my mom caught me in bed with Bobby and I called you while she was downstairs screaming at Bobby?
Helena: How the hell could I forget something like that!? And I told you to tell her you were practicing survival skills for the school camping trip, and you were being Hypothermia Girl or something?
Jayden: I remember, I remember! And I was so scared I actually did it. God, Helena, you should have warned me NOT to! My mom called the school asking about the damn camping trip…
Helena: She did? You never told me that part!
Jayden: Yeah, she did. And of course nobody had any idea what the fuck she was talking about… That was why I got grounded – for lying about camping and survival skills, not for sleeping with Bobby. Mom thought Bobby was kind of cute. I think she wanted her grandkids to look like him…
Helena: I always thought of sex as a good survival skill to know…
Jayden: You see! I can’t spend another lonely Christmas getting drunk and screwing the eyeballs out of another lonely stranger! It’s all about you and me, babe!
Helena: So you’re going to screw the eyeballs out of me?
Jayden: Um. No.
Helena: I’m just kidding.
Jayden: I know. Look, seriously, whatever happens with Kurt, you’ve got me. I wouldn’t be much good at screwing the eyeballs out of you, but Hel, I’m your friend, and I love you. And if you need someone to screw the eyeballs out of you, I know plenty of guys who’d be delighted. Or we could go to an adult toystore and get you a-
Helena: Jay!
Jayden: Okay, I’m not really very good at this, okay? I’m not good at being all sentimental, and it doesn’t help that I’m kinda drunk. Forget I said anything about anybody’s eyeballs – I love you, Helena, and if, godforbid, anything happens between you and Kurt that shouldn’t be happening, I will take care of you in every way I can. (Pause – Helena is touched. Jayden takes another sip of her wine.) Now. Give me some damn chocolate before I have to hurt you.
Helena (ignoring the demand for chocolate): Really?
Jayden: YES! NOW, girlfriend!
Helena: No, I mean, really, you’d be there for me if Kurt walked out on me?
Jayden: Chocolate, Helena. Then I’ll answer you… (She gets the chocolate.) Okay. Good. Mmm! Day-am! Okay. What was I saying? Yes. I mean it.
Helena: Thank you.
Jayden: Don’t.
Helena: Can I ask you something?
Jayden (mouth full of chocolate): Mm-hm.
Helena: What the hell’d you kiss me for?
Jayden: You can always tell how good someone is in bed by the way they kiss. I was just seeing if you had any particular inadequacies that Kurtsie-wurtsie isn’t telling you about.
Helena (she giggles despite herself): And…?
Jayden: Nope! And – okay, I lied – I would screw the eyeballs out of you, except, you know, you have a husband, and you’d probably end up hating me. But Helena… okay, I’m going to try to be a hundred percent sober as I say this to you… It’s not always easy for me to express things like this… One reason I haven’t kept in contact with you is because I consider you my soul mate, and I never wanted to scare you off by telling you that. You had your husband, and the ability to throw me out of your life forever if you didn’t want to deal with that. The truth is, you mean more to me than any of my stupid boyfriends, or my stupid strangers, and sometimes I wish we really had gone along with our original plan of going to the same school, marrying twin brothers, and living next door to each other.
Helena: What are you saying?
Jayden: I’m not sure. Really. I’m not a lesbian. I just… love you. And I will never care about anyone more than I care about you. You complement me, you keep me out of trouble, even just thinking about you sometimes is enough to keep me from doing my typical awful decadent crap. We’re Thelma and Louise, Hel – we’re that kind of friends. In the beginning, before you were married, I used to wish you’d dump Kurt’s ass so you and I could run away and have fun and never let anything come between us.
Helena: I don’t WANT to run away and have fun. I want to know I’m safe somewhere. Thelma and Louise went off a cliff, Jay.
Jayden: I know. But I’m just being honest here. (She sips her wine.) Red always does this to me. I’m sorry.
Helena: Don’t.
Jayden: Fuck.
Helena: What?
Jayden: Dunno. Just wanted to say it. Honey, you gonna be okay?
Helena: Yes. Thank you. For making me know I’ve still got my best friend.
Jayden: Yeah. Look, I’m tired, okay? You wanna take the couch and I’ll take the floor? Or are you going in to sleep with Kurtie?
Helena: I’ll stay here with you. You take the couch, okay? Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.
Jayden: Sure?
Helena: Yeah. Hey, Jay?
Jayden: Yeah?
(Helena kisses her friend in return.)
Helena: Goodnight. (She settles down on the floor and Jayden settles down on the couch. Jayden turns out the lights. Blackout.)