[Beth and Abby are spotlighted on opposite sides of the stage. Each holds several sheets of paper: letters from the other. They are in their respective apartments, but all we can see of the setting is a telephone next to each one, a half-full wineglass, and a rolodex in Abby’s apartment. Abby’s phone is on the floor, Beth’s on a small table.]

Abby: (reading the first letter out loud to herself…) “Dear Abs, I just heard about your book being published. So of course, I had to buy a copy. I’m so proud of you! Are you sure none of those characters are based on me? Maybe the neurotic best friend? It’s been too long, we really should get together. Love Always, Beth.” (She smiles broadly, then speaks to herself. Affectionately.) Damn bitch!

Beth: (reading Abby’s reply to herself) “Dear Bethy, Thanks for the letter. Yes, the neurotic one is you. Don’t sue me. Call me, bitch! Love, Abby.” (She too smiles happily.)

Abby: (reading) “Dear Abs, What’s your number? I lost it. Love, Bethy.” (To herself) Jesus.

Beth: (reading) “Dear Beth, Fuck it, neurotic bitch; I’ll call you! Love, Abs.” (To herself) Neurotic bitch?

Abby: (reading) “Dear Abby, Hello? Call me? Are you alive? Love, Beth.” (Smiles, then sighs to herself) Oh FINE! (She flops down on the floor, gulps her wine, finds Beth’s number, and dials. Beth’s phone rings.)

Beth: Hello?

Abby: Hi, bitch!

Beth: ABBY!? Hi!

Abby: Where the fuck do you live these days?

Beth: Huh? (She is confused; there is a pause as she thinks.) I just got a letter from you! You know where I live!

Abby: Oh yeah. You doing anything today?

Beth: What do I ever do?

Abby: Yeah. Look, you got the week free?

Beth: Um… yeah, I guess so… why?

Abby: ‘Cause I’m comin’ to visit you! It’s been too long, yadda yadda, we never talk anymore except for Christmas cards, yadda yadda, so I’m giving in and coming to see what kind of a wreck your life’s become in the past few years.

Beth: Are you drunk?

Abby: Yessiree! Celebratin’.

Beth: (in a rare moment of delighted bitchiness) Well get the hell down here!

Abby: Be there in a couple hours! You wanna meet me someplace? Or should I just show up at your lovely home?

Beth: Great! I mean, um… wow! I mean… meet me here! Yeah, we’ll go for lunch or something! But you can meet me here, that’s fine.

Abby: Great. Hey Bethy?

Beth: Yeah?

Abby: I’ve missed you! (She snaps out of her moment of sentimentality immediately.) See you soon! (She hangs up. Her spotlight blinks off. Beth, laughs happily to herself as she hangs up. She lingers in her spotlight for a minute, contemplating Abby’s visit. Then she runs off to freshen up. Blackout.)