25 December 2002

We went to this church near Tumwater last night to hear the Christmas music. I dig Christmas music, especially at night, in a candlelit church. Sometimes, it can be the creepiest, gloomiest experience ever... I dunno; it seems like Episcopalians really aren't into that creepy holiness that Catholics are. Oh, Episcopalians do sing more, but they take out some of the minor chords or something -- it's pretty, but it's not pretty in that borderline-terrifying sort of way that Catholic midnight masses are. The Catholics, man, they understand that a good way to get you feeling all holy is to sing creepy music (think "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" -- that's my favorite) in a dimly-lit church. The shadows of the poinsettia flowers start to look like little angels and devils. You sit there, or kneel there, thinking, "dude, what's gonna happen next."

Kinda sick, but I guess I love church in the same way I love scary movies. The Episcopalian service was nice, but the lights were just a little too bright... But they have a night service every Sunday, and that one IS pretty creepy. I like that a lot. For all their talk about "mysteries of faith," churches really shouldn't battle so hard against mysteriousness. It can't ALL be daylight and daisies. Heh! Church rocks.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Jake and I wrapped presents late into the night. Or rather, *I* wrapped presents, and Jake ate potato chips and checked his email. It went something like this:

Jake: "This is what I got for my mom! I've still got to wrap it up!"

Helena: "Oh, that's pretty..."

Jake: "Oh, um... will you wrap it for me, so I can sit here eating potato chips and checking my email?"

Yeah, that was pretty much how it went. And of course, I agreed to the favor. Jake was just asking me because he was being lazy, and because he knows I greatly admire that lack of tact. WHY do I admire that lack of tact? I dunno. It's just beautiful somehow. I wrapped the present, and tied it up in little gold bows, and attempted to throw it at Jake's head. I realized I might not get any potato chips, however, if I did so... They appeared to be going fast.

The two of us are so disgusting.

I don't know how this happened.

I mean, it kinda started out this way. When my friend Louise first encountered us together, she kept telling us to get a room, and pretending to retch at our hideous cuteness. Then we sort of hit a rough patch, where both of us were a little freaked out by each other, and were spending WAY too much time together, and probably both of us were a little bit miserable. Then we had uh... some forced-separation time... And now...

* * * * * * * * * * *

...I woke up next to Jake this morning. I think we woke up at exactly the same moment. We have a knack for that. I grinned at him, he grinned at me, and one or the other of us wished the other a merry Christmas. And I thought that, what with the baby and all, Jake and I are going to end up spending a great many Christmases together. Hell, even if we weren't together, as in, a couple, we'd both still have the baby in common. And, pardon me, but I'm a big fan of parents maintaining pleasant relationships for the sake of a kiddo.

If I didn't suppose that Jake and I could do that -- be friendly with each other pretty much forever -- then the baby wouldn't have a dad... just a paternal gene donor. But I cannot imagine Jake and I actually disliking each other, for any reason. I mean, hell, we've both given each other HUGE reasons for us to hate each other's guts, and we're still fine. We're friends. We're lovers. We're grotesquely cute. We'll be spending many a Christmas together: the three of us.

"WEIRD," I said to Jake.

"What?"

"I love you and stuff."

"I love you too and stuff."

"Weird."

"Yeah."

"And I was just thinking... that I want us to be together for a long, long time... kinda foreverish."

"Me too." It was a "me too" that was spoken by a person of intense aliveness -- nothing complacent about it.

"Wanna get married on our four-month anniversary of knowing each other? It's coming up!"

We grinned. And giggled.