It is 9PM. I woke up about 6 hours ago, and already, I'm exhausted. I suppose I ought to start eating more. For some reason, my eating habits have become REALLY really bad. I'm losing weight again -- I don't have a scale, but I can feel parts of my body protruding again that shouldn't be protruding... I swear, it's not any sort of self-destructive habit. It's simply that I never find time or money to get myself food. I'm not very good at taking care of myself. Sometimes I wish I had a mom or a dad who'd make me eat three meals a day. I'm down to one, now, and that usually consists of a large bag of potato chips, a sandwich, or a couple of candy bars. It's catching up to me; I feel pretty sick. I feel sick when I eat now. I'm cold all the time. My fingernails are blue.
Dammit, I really need somebody to take care of me.
I went Christmas shopping today. I don't have money for presents, not really, but there are a few people I can't forget. People to whom I would LIKE to give presents, and I may as well use Christmas as an excuse. I bought Nathan's today, and a bunch of Christmas cards to send people. Of course, I hate sending Christmas cards when many of my friends are not Christian, and Season's Greetings cards just seem tacky, so I bought blank cards with paintings on them: René Magritte. I doubt my religious grandparents will appreciate a painting of a train coming out of a fireplace to commemorate the birth of Their Lord Jesus Christ, but *I* am amused, and as long as I keep my stress level low and enjoy a few Christmas lights, I might even have a rather merry season...
I spent about three hours this afternoon talking to a local merchant -- a guy who owns a business on Washington Street. We talked on and on about racism and apartments and art and education, and those big round cookies at Java Joe's that always taste like soap. I LOVE talking to intelligent people who can't seem to shut up.
This entry is mostly just going up to let you all know I'm still alive... I am. And I'm tired and I want to go home and sleep... But since I'm typing from campus, there's someone I need to find, and a situation I need to discuss... Then, home.
Love,
~Helena*