03 December 2002 ~ Whining and extended one-night-stands...

For the past few weeks, I've been having the same dream, over and over. I think it means I'm becoming obsessive and neurotic.

In the dream, I'm super-horny. And naked. And in a compromising position with somebody sexy, who is also naked. And the sexy person keeps saying, "Listen, I have to go now..." The sexy person's got something to do, and doesn't give a damn whether I'm horny and naked or not.

Oy.

Admittedly, I've been feeling horribly undesirable lately. I can only imagine that's what the dream is about.

No, no, no, this isn't a pity party for poor little undesirable me... Really, it isn't. Nobody feels sexy when they're feeling sick. And it's absolutely impossible to feel sexy when you've forgotten to shower for two days and you're wearing grubby old jeans. Mostly, I just feel gross.

...But see, it's been over a month since I've had any action -- and I do mean ANY action. As in, I'm almost to the point of being turned on by handshakes. Call me a tramp or whatever, but a month is a LONG, LONELY time... Not so much as a peck on the cheek... *sigh*

And the problem is, masturbation is a waste of time for me. It is. It's boring. If there's no kissing in it, it's not action, and it doesn't do much for me. It's all about the kissing. And kissing yourself is just stupid; it's kind of like trying to tickle yourself. It just doesn't work.

Dammit.

I met this guy yesterday who loudly announced that he hasn't gotten any since last summer. And everybody threw him a pity-party. I told him I'd start a support group with him. He shook my hand and grinned. I was almost turned on by that handshake. But this dude really wasn't my type. I bet that kid gets off three times a day anyway. *sigh* Ah, to be a guy... It's not FAIR, I say!!!

A whole month... MORE than a month... Cripes... At this rate, I'm going to be a born-again virgin soon. I'm not going to remember what sex is like.

It hasn't been more than a month for me in well over six months. I think two months is the longest I've gone in the past three years... Spoiled? Oh yes; yes I am! Damn.

How to concentrate on ANYTHING when you're horny and you have no idea when you're ever going to get laid again? How to participate in conversations when you're busy thinking nasty thoughts about things you've done in your shower, and all the filthy stuff you did the night you saw Ralph Nader? How to walk down the street and trust yourself not to blurt out, "hell, I wish I could GET SOME!" at every intersection...? Hell, I can't even read the newspapers without believing that all of the current events are vast conspiracies to remind me I'm not getting any action.

A girl near me is gossiping with her friend. She's saying, "He was supposed to be a one-night stand..." ARGH! It's killing me! A one-night stand: how delicious and tempting... I'd rather have a one-night stand than a chocolate cake. And believe me, I do very much want a chocolate cake. Of course, the last time I had a one-night stand, it turned into a relationship. But that was even better, because I could get some ALL THE TIME. It was like, a two-month-stand. Now, it's like a long-distance-stand. Dammit.

There's a hearing in Jake's case on Thursday. I think I will approach the judge and say, "listen, can you please let him go if for NO other reason than I'm depserately horny and liable to break things if I don't get some ACTION soon???" I think I will amend my statement to include that. I mean, I've given enough nice, wholesome reasons; I really ought to conclude with a few indecent ones.

Okay, okay, I'm going to quit whining now and go to class.

I'm going to quit whining and be wholesome now.

Gr......

~Helena*

"So what you do, to play Naked Twister is: you get a Twister board, maybe some vodka, definitely some orange juice, a room, and some Astroglide... Then everybody gets naked and plays..."
"What's the Astroglide for? To grease up the board?"
"Yep!"
"But then nobody can win!"
"Ohhhh no, you have it all wrong... EVERYBODY wins..."

--me, starting trouble last night at the school newspaper meeting...