As planned -- well, poorly planned, just sort of hoped for -- I am moved into my new apartment, and mostly out of the old one. My electricity comes on in the new place tomorrow, and my phone line comes on in a week.
Things are good. Things are very, very good.
Nathan made me cry today. I stopped into Java Joe's to make myself a tea-with-orange-juice (it grows on you) on my day off, and Nathan, who doesn't seem very patient when he's got a secret he wants to reveal, told me what he wants to get me for Christmas.
Are you fucking insane? After someone told me you tried to get me fired from Java Joe's, and I believed it and cursed your name and told you not to read my journal anymore? After I got SO angry at you I could barely imagine myself speaking to you again? After... gah-damn, after everything, and you want to buy me a ticket to the Twin Peaks Festival for Christmas? Are you fucking INSANE?
I couldn't quite cry, not exactly. I think I stopped breathing for a few minutes -- at least until stuff started spinning and I remembered to to inhale again... What the fuck kind of friend have I been to deserve somebody who would even CONSIDER something like this??? What kind of PERSON have I been? My gahd, what did I do to earn a friend like Nathan? Nathan, who would send me to fucking Seattle -- or at least make sure I've got a damned good reason to buy myself bus tickets there -- just to put a smile on my face? I do not deserve this. Gahd, I don't even feel worthy when people offer to lend me five bucks or let me bum a cigarette.
Shit, I think I forgot to breathe again. Twin fucking Peaks. Seattle, Washington. Home of what's rumored to be the best coffee in the country, the origin of grunge music, and the home of Tom Robbins and Laura freaking Palmer...
Why would you want to travel three thousand miles to take pictures of telephone poles? someone asked me the other day, when I was griping that I wouldn't have enough money to make the trip.
Why? Because I've got those telephone poles MEMORIZED, and I've never even seen them. Because when I was 9, I used to sit at the top of the stairs on Thursday nights and listen to the "Twin Peaks" theme music. Because when I turned 18, my grandparents gave me the entire set of videos and I watched them all within a week. Because I cried when Laura died. Because I still cry when Laura dies. Because Leland still scares me. Because I can play the Six Degrees of Twin Peaks game (same as Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, sort of...) better than anybody I've ever met. Because once in awhile, I lapse into Peaksian, and can't seem to stop quoting the freakin' series. Because after I saw the whole series for the first time, it sort of encompassed me, and everywhere I turned, I was pretty sure I was somehow in a Reality Warp between Binghamton, NY, and Twin Peaks, WA. Because I'm crazily in love with an old TV series, and have collected all the books like they're old love letters, and once considered building a miniature Twin Peaks in my living room out of toothpicks. Yes, I'm weird. Yes, I love a TV series with a dancing midget in it. As a matter of fact, I've talked to the dancing-midget actor via email and he's a really cool guy. Because Twin Peaks is possibly the only show ever to be on network TV that was actually ART, and don't you DARE argue, Aaron. Because I'd know that diner anywhere. Because I'd know those falls anywhere. Because I'd recognize every fucking telephone pole in that town...
My friend Nathan is absolutely insane. So is his partner. They're absolutely crazy.
I'm sitting at a computer at Binghamton University, crying my eyes out, because I don't deserve to know people like this. Because there is no way in the world for me to repay somebody for caring this much about a bitchy little freak...
*sob*
Was playing with Norman's bass this morning, and my typing finger is blistered and bloody and gross, and hurts like a bitch. I have to sign off now and find a bandaid someplace. I just wanted to type an entry letting everybody know how incredibly, inexplicably blessed I am. Nathan is an angel, and I don't know why he loves me so much. But I love him too, and his partner (who doesn't yet have a pseudonym here) as well.
I can't see to type anymore. Thank you so much.
Love,
~Helena*