23 November 2000 ~ Nothing and helicopters...

How does one know if one is real?

...was pondering this question the other night at Java Joe's...

...and after about fifteen cups of Santa Fe Trail Blend with cream and a shot of chocolate, I came to the decision that I'm not real and pretty much nothing is sacred. A few things, maybe, but almost nothing.

(...this was the point at which my co-workers told me to switch to decaf...)

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Some things I am thankful for:

*Tea, especially peach tea with lemons and honey. Where my life would be without peach tea is anybody's guess...
*Helicopters.
*My hair.

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I have to pay off my credit card bill, like, now. I have no credit, and I'm never going to get any more credit, and if I don't have any credit, I can't rent a U-haul to get my stuff over to the new apartment.

If I don't get my stuff over to the new apartment, I have to stay here. If I stay here, I have to pay rent here. I can't afford rent here, so I'll get evicted and end up living on the street. This would be a bad thing for two reasons, one of which is: I could not update this journal, and the other of which is: it's mother-fucking COLD outside.

Therefore, I must get my things over to the new apartment. To do so, I must rent a truck. To rent a truck, I must have money on my credit card. To have money on my credit card, I must pay off my credit card.

And to pay off my credit card, I have to use the money in my coffee jar. The money I've been saving to go to the 11th annual Twin Peaks Fest next summer.

I can hear you saying that it's no big deal; next summer is a long way away. But dammit, it's taken me 5 months to save up $350, and take into consideration that to save this money, I've been giving up an awful lot of important things... Like... food. Have you ever gotten a weird idea into your head and been so bound and determined to follow through with it that you purposely cut yourself down to one meal a day for FIVE MONTHS?

Okay, so five months ago, I owed somebody a favor in the neighborhood of $200. That was how the whole thing started. I saved up $200, which was difficult, because I'm broke, and at the time, I was feeding two other housemates. And then, I managed to perform said favor (which I am DAMN well not explaining) without actually paying the $200. So. I decided, that since I'd saved this crazy-assed amount of money, and put my very heart and soul into it, because it was important to me, I'd better keep it and do something important with it.

Something important, like, oh... going to Seattle to visit my friends Brian and Neil on the way to the 11th annual Twin Peaks Fest.

The website for the 2001 Twin Peaks Fest was brought to my attention this evening. I have more than enough for a ticket...

...Except I have to pay off my credit card. And I have to pay my phone bill, which I've been neglecting. And I have to pay off my electric bill, which is sky-high.

How the hell do I manage this crap? I gave up TWO meals a day to save up for this! I stopped renting movies! I stopped cutting my hair until I was absolutely repulsed by it! And now I STILL have nothing.

August 2001 is a long way away. A long, long way away... Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Helena...

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The other night, after too much Santa Fe Trail Blend, I decided that I'm probably not real.

I also decided that pretty much nothing is sacred.

~H.T.*